Score Big Laughs with Unforgettable SPORTS Jokes.

Why should you never go for a jog if it is raining cats and dogs outside?
You might step in a poodle!

Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.

Two body builders were argueing which exercise was best for them.
They asked their coach to weigh in on the issue.

I had a golf lesson the other day, the instructor said “ you need to cut about 6 inches off of the clubs” I said “will that improve my swing ?” He replied “No ! The clubs will then fit in the bin”.

Volleyball is just professional hot potato.

Gymnastics = A more intense version of the floor is lava.

What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

I used to play sports.
Then realized you can buy trophies.
Now I'm good at everything.

Why can’t you take golfers seriously?
They’re always playing a round.

Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that's all I need to know about that.

People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio.

Golf, except there's no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.

Q: Why is tennis such a loud sport?
A: The players raise a racquet.

Q: What is a ghosts favorite position in soccer?
A: Ghoul keeper.

Why did the basketball player go to jail?
Because he shot the ball.

I watched hockey before it was cool.
It was swimming. I watched swimming.

I'm pleased to announce that I've just finished a marathon.
Or snickers as they are called today.

what do you call a golfer drink?
tee tea.

Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.

I can easily bench press 350 pounds…just not all at once.

At first I thought my yoga instructor was lying
Then I realized she was just stretching the truth.

"Slow and steady wins the race."
Unless it's one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed.

My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve. He kept returning it.

Every time I take up a sport, or exercise I meet new people ... usually they're paramedics...but they're new people.

Why don't fish play Basketball?

Because they're afraid of the net.

To exercise I jump queues. It reduces my wait.

I did a couple of laps around the gym today.
Maybe next time I'll actually park my car and go in.

I admitted to my girlfriend that I have become obsessed with Spanish Football, she said “why don’t you get a real hobby?” I said “it’s pronounced ‘Ray-al”

I ran a half-marathon...

Sounds much better than saying I quit halfway through a marathon...

It’s been 6 months since I joined the gym and no progress...
I’m going there in-person to see what’s going on.

Met a girl in the pub last night who said she'd show me a good time...
Got outside, she ran 100m in 9.72 seconds....

My father ran the marathon but my mother was a sprinter.
It was hard growing up with mixed-race parents.

I dont have a six pack but people say i'm ab-normal

Two flies are playing football in a saucer.
One says to the other, “Make an effort, we’re playing in the cup tomorrow.”

My doctor asked me if I’ve ever had a stroke.
I told him I had seven.
...and that was just on the first hole of the golf course.

A new tennis player goes to the library and asks for books about aces. "No way", says the librarian, "you won't return them".

I've never been skydiving, but I've zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.

Why do some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out.

Which Olympic sport generates the most conversation ?

Discus.

I'm recovering from my rugby addiction, but worrying about the knock on effects.

Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team ?
Because she kept running away from the ball !

Running is the best way
to remind yourself how
much you love sitting.

I just saw some idiot at the gym.

He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

My Czech mate is surprisingly bad at chess.

You know how they throw the ball into the crowd after they win the game?
That's not allowed in bowling.
I know that now.

The game Badminton implies the existence of the games of Goodminton and Alrightminton as well.

What has 18 legs & catches flies? A baseball team.

I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.

The only difference between surfing and snowboarding... Is the temperature of the water.

Instructor: "You've really gone above and beyond this time."
Student: "Thank you!"
Instructor: "This is archery class...so..."

I have a dog called Minton who has a naughty habit of eating shuttlecocks.

Bad Minton!

Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you're into fitness.

I don’t hate leg day at the gym.
It’s the two days after I can’t stand!

I was telling my daughter I need to exercise or my ankles will get too big. She replied, "How swell..."

Do you know what they do with all the bikes after the tour de France?
They recycle them.

When at home, polo ponies are more likely to play stable tennis.

If you can't hear a pin drop, then something is definitely wrong with your bowling.

The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.

Why don't they award medals in the luge?
Even if you're in first place, you're still a luger.