Famous Faces, Funny Moments: Celebrity Jokes Galore.

What does Jeff Bezos do before bed?
Puts his pajamazon.

What happens when Dwayne Johnson visits Alcatraz while sipping single malt on ice?
You get The Rock on the Rock drinking scotch on the rocks.

I found out today that Beyonce's husband, Jay Z, has a couple of cousins that work where I do. One is Lay Z, the other is Cray Z.

Did you know Bruce Lee had a brother that was faster than him?
Sudden Lee.

Neil Diamond is very popular in one European country. Their favorite song is Swede Caroline....

Neil Diamond was born ‘Neil Coal’. But the pressure got to him.

Clint Eastwood opened up a child care center.
It's called "Go Ahead And Make My Daycare".

Phil Collins just sold his house. Now he’s renting a stu-stu-studio.

Burt Bacharach and Sean Connery were having a conversation Burt asked Sean “who is your favourite composer?” Sean thinks for a min and then says “Schubert”
Burt says “thank you very much”

Sad to read that Bill and Melinda Gates marriage went out the window...

Why did the people in the apartment below Dwayne Johnson never know what’s going on?

Because they lived under a rock.

Bill and Melinda Gates got divorced. Melinda got the house...
But Bill kept the Windows.

Harrison Ford has released a compilation of songs that are based on the Star Wars trilogy.
It's his first Solo album.

John Travolta’s pepper farm business is going well. He’s got chillis, they’re multiplying.

Hey, you know where Cillian Murphy keeps all his paperwork? In a peaky binder.

I went to the barber's today and asked for a hair cut like Tom Cruise".
So he put a cushion on the chair...

During his military service Elvis served in the bomb disposal team due to his experience with suspicious mines!

I had Victoria Sponge for lunch yesterday.
None of the other Spice Girls had anything in their lunch boxes worth stealing.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
(You look for the Fresh Prints)

I met Neil Armstrong once and he was surprisingly down to earth.

Gary Numan is older than Gary Oldman.

Kanye and Kim are splitting up.
She's moving North, he's staying West.

IF WHOOPY GOLDBURGH MARRIED PETER CUSHION SHE WOULD BE MRS WHOOPY CHUSHION.

Shania Twain has been boasting online about her new Subaru.
That don't Impreza me much...

well Larry Flynt died.. he had some interesting porn magazines.

If Dwayne Johnson studies his family tree,
would that be
geneology or geology?

What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

Elton John is a huge fan of Dwayne Johnson and Pennywise The Clown.

He's a Rock It man.

Today I learned how to track Will Smith in the snow. Just follow the fresh prints.

What is Hollywood's favorite celebrity meat? Kevin Bacon.

My wife Jo recently went on the Dolly Parton diet.

It really made Jo lean, Jo lean, Jo lean, Jo lean...

I've just found out why David Hasselhoff change his name to "The Hoff"

Apparently, he just couldn't be bothered with the hassle!

Gary Oldman is younger than Gary Numan.

My phone rang on the bus this morning when I got a tap on the shoulder, "Excuse me," , "I wonder if you could settle an argument for us? Me and my friend just overheard your phone ringing just then and I'm pretty sure it was Beyoncé, but my friend is adamant it was Rihanna..."

I said, "You're both wrong, it was my mom.".....

Tim Curry and Tim Rice are opening a new restaurant.

They're going to call it Tims.

Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?
A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!

If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP he can't give it to you, because he's never going to give you up.
While at the same time he's let you down , thus creating the Rick Astley paradox.

What’s brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre.

Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death?
As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?"

Just seen Elvis in B&Q...
Returned a sander!

Dwayne Johnson changing his name to The Rock was one of his boulder decisions!

What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tenish...

I met Eminem once, he was pretty awkward; His palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy, vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti.

Fuck me, I need to stop drinking.

If my liver becomes any more black and bloated it's gonna end up getting adopted by Angelina Jolie.

You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.

What did Kevin Bacon name his son?
Chris P. Bacon.

I wanted to make a good joke about Liam Neeson, but discovered all the best ones were Taken.

- How did Reese eat her ice cream?
- Witherspoon.

Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
A: Santa stops after three hos.

I’ve just found out that Mick Jagger has been sharing my Apple account storage.
If you’re reading this Mick, I’ve only got one thing to say.
Hey, you, get off of my cloud.

My name is Joseph and I am the son of Stephen King. I would post proof, but it's quite obvious that I'm Joe King.

"I do a pretty good Stallone impression.", Tom said slyly.

How does Michael J Fox like to sit in his garden?
With his back to the fuschia.

Been bird watching with Sinead O'Connor.
So far, it's been 7 owls, and 15 jays.

What do you call Batman when he skips church?
Christian Bale!

Why does David Hasslehoff prefer to be called just the Hoff? It’s just less ‘hassle’ that way!

I changed all my passwords to Kenny. Now I have all Kenny Loggins.

What did John Lennon say to his kids when they wouldn't eat their vegetables?
"Give peas a chance."

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a gas station in a remote corner of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, who knows nothing about golf doesn't recognise Tiger, and greets him in typical Irish fashion.
"Top of the mornin' to ya, sir," says the attendant.
Tiger, who is familiar with Irish customs, responds with, "And the rest of the day to you, sir!"
Tiger then bends forward to pick up the nozzle of the gasoline hose. As he does so, two golf tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees," replies Tiger.
"And what on the good earth are they fer?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," says Tiger.
"Feckin' hell," says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything!"

I didn't know Sylvester Stallone is on his third marriage...i guess the first one was rocky and the second one was Rocky too.