Insure your laughter.
Insurance is like a parachute, if you don't have it when you need it, you'll wish you did.
The best time to buy insurance is right after you've had a major accident.
The only thing guaranteed with insurance is the monthly bill.
Our insurance jokes will have you covered...in laughter.
My blanket just became an insurance agent.
It offers full coverage.
Miss Piggy is the beneficiary of Kermit's life insurance policy. She just has to wait until he croaks.
What insurance should all politicians have?
Lie Ability.
Why did the stripper need more insurance?
She had little to no coverage.
What do hospital gowns and insurance have in common?
You think you're covered, but you're not.
I tried to get some storm insurance for my campsite, but I was denied.
They said that if my tents get blown away, I won’t be covered.
Phoned an insurance company for a quote, they said “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”
I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching… my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.
Life insurance is something that helps keeps folks poor all their lives so they can die rich.
Managed to cut my insurance bill in half. Stil costs the same, just got carried away with some scissors.
Protect yourself from boredom with our insurance humor.
Medical insurance doesn’t cover everything. Neither do hospital gowns.
When you are no longer covered by your parents health insurance, it means that your manufacturer’s warranty has expired.
Do Transformers have health insurance or car insurance?
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A: Women don't get blowjobs while they're driving.
My Grandad fought with Churchill...
no not Winston....
The insurance company !
I’ve just checked my home insurance policy and apparently if my duvet is stolen in the middle of the night, I’m not covered.
Mad Mary was speedin around the mental hospital as usual in her wheelchair.
Mad Joe stopped her & asked 4 her licence.
"Shit" she said & sped off around another corner Mad Jim then stoppd her & asked 4 insurance.
"Fuck" she said & took off again at speed.
Rounding a corner she met BIG JOHN standin stark naked with a massive erection.
"Oh no" she said. "Not the breathalizer again!"
If you’re no longer covered by your parents health insurance, your manufacturer’s warranty has expired...
Yesterday i hit the gym, then drove off because i don't have car insurance.
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers.
Most strippers have little or no coverage.
We've got the best insurance jokes money can't buy.
I renewed my car insurance over the phone this morning, and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet.
I said, "Yes, i've got a dog."
She said, "Would you like to insure him too?"
I said, "No thanks, he can't drive!"
I once was sat next to an insurance salesmen at a Robbie Williams concert .
And through it all, he offered me protection...
My uncle with 2 wooden legs was caught in a fire and burned to the ground. The insurance said he didn't have a leg to stand on.
Q: What health insurance do Halloween creatures use?
A: Medi-scare.
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."
The man perks up.
"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes" says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor
"We're getting granite counter tops."
I was denied insurance on my tent. If it blew away, I won't be covered.