Random school joke:
Work vs Jail
In prison they spend the majority of their time in a 8’ x 10’cell.
At work, I spend most of my time in a 6’ x 6’ cube.
In prison they get three meals a day.
At work I only get a break for one meal and I have to pay for that one.
In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work I get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
At work I must wear an ID badge at all times.
In prison they provide you with clothing with the ID conveniently sewn onto the clothes.
At work there is a dress standard but I must buy my own clothes.
In prison there is a dress standard, but they supply the clothes.
At work I must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors myself.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for me.
In prison they can watch TV and play games.
At work I can get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they will pay my way through school to learn a new career and give me time to do it.
At work they will pay for my education but I must do it on my own time.
In prison they have exercise rooms that they allow you to use almost whenever you want.
At work we have an exercise room that you can use but it must be on your time.
In prison I can fall asleep on the job and no serious consequences comes from my actions.
At work if I fall asleep on the job I get put on the next RIF list.
In prison they ball and chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball and chained.
In prison you have full medical coverage with no deductibles.
At work, you get partial coverage and pay all the deductibles.
In prison all expenses are paid by the tax payer, with no work on their part.
At work, you get to pay all the expenses to go to work, and then deduct the taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
Selected school jokes:
WalMart is giving away free school clothes to anyone that can outrun security.
Why did the socialist drop out of school?
He was really struggling with the classes.
Getting really low Marx.
My High School reunion is coming up so I only have a few days to learn how to dance, have kids and get rich.
I will be joining a school that teaches people how to smoke weed. It's a High school.
More school jokes...
My daughter just graduated from law school...
Now she’s my daughter in law.
6 Signs You Are Mentally Enslaved
1. You think you're free
2. You think your vote matters
3. You think police exist for safety
4. You think public schools are for education
5. You trust corporate media
6. You trust "officials & experts"
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school? Because her students were so bright!
The first day of school, I signed up for English, Math, Science, and Geography.
The rest, as they say, is history.
Be your own bank.
Grow your own food.
Homeschool your own children.
The outfits I wear to drop my son off at school are designed to help him build character
Ways to disassociate from the system:
1. Avoid fast food restaurants and chain restaurants.
2. Learn to cook. Make meals from scratch.
3. Shop at local farmer's markets. Or grow your own.
4. Use natural remedies instead of pharmaceuticals
5. Homeschool
6. Install Linux
Where do young trees go to learn?
Elementree school.
Just looked up an old girlfriend from school.
Being a gynaecologist is a bit weird.
My nickname at school was Scarface.
I was really good at knitting.
Python is just a HTML that went to a private school. . .
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work.
Why is it considered harassment to talk about sex in the workplace but not to children at school?
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
According to Mystery Schools, words and names hold certain amounts of energy. Key words give power to shape reality simply by speaking them.
I had a 69 with my son's teacher,
wait, he's homeschooled. Nevermind.
When your crush walks in class but youre homeschooled…
#incest
Just saw a teacher crying in Walmart in front of that “back to school” sign.
Is it ok to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school?
Or am I really just a bad teacher?
My dad told me that when he was young, he once had to miss class because of hypothermia.
Said he was too cool for school.
What do gun jokes and American school kids have in common?
Neither get old.
I tried to get into hypnosis school, but failed the en-trance exam.
When Chuck Norris was late for school teachers punished the rest of the class for being early.
The neighbor that lives across the street is the head of an elementary school, the neighbor next door to me is the head of a high school. These are the principals I live by.
Q:What did the vampire say to the school girl?
A: See you next period.
At school they taught us that XXX is Roman Numerals. I typed XXX on Google and the Romans came out naked.
Why don't they send donkeys to school?
Because nobody likes a smart ass.
Her: Could you do Polygamy?
Me: Hell no. I hated algebra in High School.
The stripper made her son lunch for school today.
It was hoe made.
Being a stripper is like working at McDonald's....
Covered in oil and questioning your choices after high school.
Cohen's Laws of Politics:
Law of Alienation: Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate.
Law of Ambition: At any one time, thousands of borough councilmen, school board members, attorneys, and businessmen -- as well as congressmen, senators, and governors -- are dreaming of the White House, but few, if any of them, will make it.
Law of Attraction: Power attracts people but it cannot hold them.
Law of Competition: The more qualified candidates who are available, the more likely the compromise will be on the candidate whose main qualification is a nonthreatening incompetence.
Law of Inside Dope: There are many inside dopes in politics and government.
Law of Lawmaking: Those who express random thoughts to legislative committees are often surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law.
Law of Permanence: Political power is as permanent as today's newspaper. Ten years from now, few will know or care who the most powerful man in any state was today.
Law of Secrecy: The best way to publicize a governmental or political action is to attempt to hide it.
Law of Wealth: Victory goes to the candidate with the most accumulated or contributed wealth who has the financial resources to convince the middle class and poor that he will be on their side.
Law of Wisdom: Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise man can lead without power but only a powerful man can lead without wisdom.
Local ballet school took part in a charity football match. It ended up 2-2.
When The Edge was at school, he was a border.
We got in trouble at school for starting up a silent disco.
The principal said it wasn’t aloud.
What can the coronavirus do that the us government can't?
Stop school shootings.
Why did the socialist drop out of school?
He was really struggling with the classes.
Getting really low Marx.
Why are socialist school teachers so disorganized?
Because they love to see the class struggle.
Why did the socialist drop out of high school math?
Because there were too many damn inequalities.
My dad told me that when he was young, he once had to miss class because of hypothermia.
Said he was too cool for school.
In school we learn the lesson before we take the test. In life we take the test before we learn the lesson.
What's the point of a high school reunion? I have Facebook. I already know you got fat.
I was terrible at spelling when I was at school.
Brilliant at jografy though.
You should always tip your waiter
I told mine to stay in school and don't do drugs.
When I was considering entering Med School, I couldn't decide between Neurology and Proctology. I decided to flip a coin: heads or tails.
How come I never came first in sports at School, but now it happens every time during sex?
At school I was forced to join chorus. They said it was re-choired!
What subject did the snake learn in school on Monday? Hiss-tory!
Why did the robot have some trouble focusing at school on Monday? He was a little rusty!
What do you call a troublesome Canadian high schooler? A poutine.
My High School reunion is coming up so I only have a few days to learn how to dance, have kids and get rich.