Hilarious jokes about ADAM and EVE that will make your day !

Happy Christmas Adam Everyone!

You know the day that came before
Christmas Eve!

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

Q: Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple?
A: Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.

Why is Adam considered the fastest person in the Bible?

He came first in the human race.

In carpentry you measure twice and cut once. In software development you never measure and make cuts until you run out of time.

-- Adam Morse

Why is Adam considered the fastest person in the Bible?

He came first in the human race.

Adamın biri kənddən şəhərə gəlir, bazarın ortasında durur və dərhal bağırır: "Mən də qazan alacam!" Bazarlıq edən biri soruşur: "Niyə qazan alırsan?" Adam cavab verir: "Hər kəs qazan alır, mən də alacağam ki, yoxsa mənim qazanım kənddən buraya gələcəkmi?

Bir adam lokantaya girer ve garsona 'Bana bir köfte söyle!'der.
Garson da 'Size tek mi çift mi?' diye sorar.
Adam düşünür ve 'İkisi de karnımı doyurmadığına göre bana üç köfte getir.' cevabını verir.

Adamın biri sinemada yer arıyormuş. Sonunda tam ortada bir yer bulmuş ve oturmuş. Tam film başlayacakken yanındaki adam: -Burada oturunca ne hissediyorsun? diye sormuş. Adam cevap vermiş: -Sinema hissi.

Bir məktub gəlir. Üzərində yazılıb: 'Banka borunuzu ödəmədən öncə ağıl edin.' Adam məktubu oxuyanda fikirləşir: 'He, dəymiş mənim də borcum varmış banka, dünən də heç öz ağılımdan istifadə etməmişəm ki, həmin borcu verəyim.'

“Mercy to the guilty is cruelty to the innocent.”
— Adam Smith

The reason why I use Android is cause Adam and Eve had an Apple... and fucked everything up.

The Planes Indians practiced polygamy, and one chief had three squaws.
The first squaw lived in a teepee of elk hide, the second in a teepee made of buffalo hide, and the youngest in a teepee of hippopotamus hide.
Then he slept with each wife on the eve of his great hunting trip.
He was gone nine moons and when he returned, he went into the elk hide teepee and found that his wife had borne him a son. Likewise, in the buffalo hide teepee, that squaw, too, had borne him a son. So, imagine his surprise when he found twin baby boys in the hippopotamus hide teepee.
This just proves that ...

The squaw of the hippopotomus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides.

A guy walks into a bar on New Year's Eve and orders a glass of champagne. "Happy New Years!" he shouts. "Calm down," the bartender reprimands him. "It's still hours away." "Sorry," the guy apologizes. "My doctor told me I sometimes suffer from premature congratulations."

She : Did Eve ever have a date with Adam?

Me : Nope, just an apple.

I was about to cancel my New Year’s Eve plans when I remembered that I didn’t have any.

What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!

Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?

If u don't take your woman out, someone else will. Ask Adam, He left Eve alone for 10 mins & the snake took her out for lunch she even brought takeaway for Adam.

God is talking to Adam and Eve one day during the Creation. "Well, you two, I only have a couple more goodies left to hand out before my job is done. Which one of you wants to be able to pee standing up?"
Adam raises his hand and yells, "Me, me, pick me!" So God obliges .
God looks at Eve and says : "Well sorry Eve . . . but it looks like you're stuck with the multiple orgasms."

Did you hear of the New Year's Eve Cantata that ended with a soprano solo?

They wanted to end the year on a high note.

Short Christmas Jokes

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !

How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve !

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?
The letter "D" !

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?
Santa Claustrophobia !

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !

Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ?
Santa Paws !

Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney ?
Because it soots him !

Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus !

How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ?
Stacks !

Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve ?
Because he's Sooty !

Happy Christmas Adam Everyone!

You know the day that came before
Christmas Eve!

Why didn't Adam buy Eve the new iPhone?
Because Apple have terrible customer service and their products are really expensive.

On Christmas Eve last year I told the wife I was popping to the shops. She said, "While you’re there can you get some fairy liquid, detergent and some dishwasher tablets."

I said, "Can't you wait till tomorrow when you open your presents?"

Did Adam & Eve have belly buttons? 🤔

Adam and Eve were the happiest, and the luckiest, couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law.

A few days after creation, the Lord called Adam and said, 'It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her.'
Adam answered, 'Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?'
So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her over to a nearby bush.
A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, 'Thank you Lord, that was quite enjoyable.'
And the Lord replied, 'Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that. Now, I’d like you to caress Eve.'
And Adam asked, 'What is caress?'
So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and then Adam went behind the bush to caress Eve.
Quite a few minutes later Adam returned smiling and said, 'Lord, that was even better than the kiss.'
And the Lord said, 'You’ve done well Adam. And now I want you to make love to Eve.'
And Adam asked, 'What is to make love Lord?'
So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush.
But this time he reappeared in a few seconds and asked, 'Lord, what is a headache?'

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

Q: Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple?
A: Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

When God told Adam he was gonna make another human using a piece of his body, Adam said, 'You're just ribbing me, right?