The Comedy Lamp: Unleashing the Fun with Genie Jokes.

Genie: You have three wishes.

Me: Nice! I wish for pie.

Genie: Fine. You can have 3.14 wishes.

Genie: What is your final wish?

Boy: I wish I were you.

Genue: weurd but alrught.

“Let me be absolutely clear…”

-The Invisible Man to a genie

Genie: You have 3 wishes.
Me: "I wish you were bad at math.
Genie: "Okay, done. You now have 24 wishes remaining.

A man, down on his luck, comes across a lamp while walking on the beach...
He gives the lamp a hard rub and out comes a genie.

Genie says "Master, I will fulfill any three wishes you have with one condition. Whatever you wish for, the man you hate the most will get double."

"What the hell? Have you any idea what John did to me? He stole my job, slept with my wife, and ran over my dog!!!" Complained the man.

Genie replies "Sorry, I don't make the rules. Do you want the wishes or not?"

"Fine." Said the man, "My first wish is to have ten billion dollars in my bank account."

"Done" The man immediately receives a call from his bank informing him of his new wealth. Somewhere in the world, John is overjoyed to see twenty billion dollars in his bank account.

"My second wish is to have a 12 inch penis."

"Done" The man looks down and sees his member has now almost doubled in size. Somewhere in the world, John is a little bothered by the fact that his penis now goes down below his knees.

"What is your last wish?" The genie asks.

The man replies "Remove one of my kidneys and show it to me."

Genie: What is your final wish?
Boy: I wish I were you.
Genue: weurd but alrught.

Genie: "I shall grant you 3 wishes".
Man: "I wish for a world without lawyers".
Genie: "Done, you have no more wishes".
Man: "But you said 3".
Genie: "Sue me!"

Q: Why did the Genie get mad?
A: Because he was rubbed the wrong way.

If You Can't Wish for More Wishes, then Wish for More Genies.

A Genie granted me one wish, so I said "I just want to be happy."
Now I'm living in a cottage with six dwarves & working in a mine.

A guy with a giant pumpkin head meets his friend.
His friend asks "what the hell happened, why do you have a giant pumpkin head?'
The guy explains, "well, I met a genie and he give me three wishes..."
"So what the hell happened"
"Well, first I wished for £30 million pounds.. and I got it. For my second wish I wished for a beautiful lady"
And his friend interrupts "yeah, but, what happened"
"Well, for the third wish, that's where I really screwed up"
"Yeah, how... Why"
" I wished for a giant pumpkin head".

The genie asked, "What’s your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "What’s your second wish?"

Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"

I have achieved immortality
I found a mysterious lamp and sure enough there was a genie inside.

I wished that I won't die a virgin.

A boy is struggling with his exams...
He catches a lucky break when, as he is walking home one day, he finds a mystical lamp on the side of the road. He rubs the side of the lamp and a genie pops out.
"You may have any item you desire, simply name it." The genie says.
The boy thinks for a second then exclaims,
"I'd like some kind of concealable item that will grant me infinite wisdom."
"As you wish, press the top of this pen and what you desire shall be yours."
The boy takes the pen and is overjoyed, with this pen he'll never have to study again!

His next exam comes around and he walks into the school hall with confidence. He sits at his desk as others around him fidget nervously.

When the papers are handed out, he holds the pen up and triumphantly lowers his thumb over the lever as it produces an audible click.

And in his infinite wisdom he suddenly states with absolute clarity:
*"I should have studied!!!"*

My other wife was a genie - every time you opened a bottle she appeared by your side.

A statue of a naked woman and a naked man stand in a park at night. Suddenly from out of nowhere, a magical genie arrives and grants the statues each one wish to be fulfilled. Both the female and male statues agree on 15 minutes as a real man and woman in the bushes behind them to "get things done." The genie gives a knowing grin and grants the wish. The man and woman immediately jump behind the bushes and screaming sounds and laughter can be heard from their activities. 12 minutes later they return to the front of the bush again claiming they are finished. "Well now, that was kinda quick!" the genie says. "You can do it a second time for the remaining 3 minutes if you want," the genie tells them, winking his eye. Both the female and male look at each other and smile. The man says to the woman, "Okay great, but this time you get to hold the pigeon so I can shit on him!"

The genie asked, "What’s your first wish?" Steve answered, "I wish I was rich!" The genie continued, "What’s your second wish?"

“I want a nice long life,” said Rich.

Genie: I shall grant you three wishes
John: I want to be rich
Genie: Done
Rich: But noting happened

A guy is strolling along a sandy beach one day when he comes across a very old bottle. He's just dusting it off when two rather tired looking genies pop out "Two genies!" he exclaims. "That must mean six wishes!" "Sorry, buddy, it's three or nuthin'," say the genies, "and hurry up". The guy makes his three wishes and races off home to see if they've been granted. He gets home and runs into his bedroom, where he finds the most gorgeous girl he has ever seen waiting for him. After hours of mad, passionate sex, he stumbles out of bed and walks into the living room where he is knee deep in $1000 bills. The guy can hardly believe his luck. Just then there is a knock at the door. He rushes over to open it, when two hooded KKK members throw a rope around his neck and string him up naked until he is dead. The two then take off their white hoods to reveal that they are, in fact, the two genies, both looking rather puzzled. The first genie turns to the second and says, "I can understand the beautiful woman and all the money in the world, by why on earth would you want to be hung like a black man?"

A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist. He says to his friend, "That's amazing. Where did he come from?"
The friend pulls out an old lamp and tells him the genie inside will grant him one wish. The man rubs the bottle, and to his amazement, a puff of purple smoke spews out and slowly collects in the form of a genie. In a booming voice the genie tells the man he has but one wish.
The man thinks and says, "I wish I had a million bucks." All of a sudden the bar is filled with ducks, bursting from the door and the windows, standing on top of the bar, dunking their heads into people’s drinks.
“What just happened?!” the guy asks. His friend replies, "I know. Did you really think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?"

I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true.