Witch jokes: brews, brooms, and belly laughs!

Where witches gather to cackle and chuckle!

I put a spell on you, and now you're mine... to entertain with my wicked humor!

Being a witch means embracing the magic within, as well as the occasional flying broomstick.

I don't always ride a broomstick, but when I do, it's for the laughs.

Witch Jokes meme.
Witch Jokes meme.

Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated: 2024-07-22.

  1. Witch jokes: hexcellent humor for all!

  2. What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a billionaire?

    A very witch person.

    "How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?"

    "Depends, into what?"

    We were taught to fear the witches instead of the ones who burned them, and I think that's the problem.

    Do you know why a witch never wears panties?

    More grip on the broom.

    Honey theres a witch at the door what shall I do?

    Just give it sweets tell it to go away

    My mother-in-law hasnt spoken to me since.

  3. Brooms up, laughter on: the ultimate witchy joke zone!

  4. Finagle's Rules: Ever since the first scientific experiment, man has been plagued by the increasing antagonism of nature. It seems only right that nature should be logical and neat, but experience has shown that this is not the case. A further series of rules has been formulated, designed to help man accept the pigheadedness of nature.
    To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
    Always keep a record of data. It indicates you've been working.
    Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.
    In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
    Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.
    When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
    Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.
    Always verify your witchcraft.
    Be sure to obtain meteorological data before leaving on vacation.
    Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.

    How did the witch invite the wizard to take an evening ride on her broomstick?
    Voodoo like to ride with me.

    Heard two witches telling jokes. Broom broom.

    Two Jewish women were sitting under hair dryers at the hairdresser. The first lady says, "So nu, how's your family?"

    The second one responds, "Oh just fine. My daughter is married to the most wonderful man. She never has to cook; he always takes her out. She never has to clean; he got her a housekeeper. She never has to work; he's got such a good job. She never has to worry about the children, he got her a nanny."

    She continues with a question to the first lady, "So how is your son these days?"

    The first woman says, "Just awful. He is married to such a witch of a woman. She makes him take her out to dinner every night, she never cooks a dish. She made him get her a housekeeper, G-d forbid she should vacuum a carpet! He has to work like a dog because she won't get a job and she never takes care of their children, because she made him get her a nanny!"

    My friend told me that she wanted to marry a witch doctor.
    I asked her, “Why? What’s the appeal?”
    She replied, “Pwobabwy the financial secuwity.”

  5. Witch jokes that'll cast a spell on your funny bone!

  6. What do you call a witch that lives on the beach?
    A sandwich.

    I once typed witch instead of which. It was a spelling mistake.

    How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. They change them into frogs.

    Why’d the warlocks handout nametags? So they could tell which witch was which.

    Q. What does a warlock farmer rap about?
    A. Witches and hoes.

  7. Wickedly witty witch humor that'll leave you spellbound!

  8. There was a man who had a 28-inch dick.
    He was tired with all the inconveniences that came with it and no doctor was able to help him. Desperate, he went to talk to the village witch. The witch said, "Go to the Seventh Mountain and look for the Mystical Frog. He can speak; you just need him to mutter the word 'no' and your dick will shrink by 7 inches."

    So the man traveled there and, sure enough, he found the Mystical Frog meditating. He went over to the frog and said, "Hey Frog, let's you and I have sex!" The frog was shocked and replied, "What the hell's your problem? NO!" The man's dick shrunk by 7-inches; things were looking good.

    He asked the frog again, "Come on, Froggy, let's get it on!" to which the frog replied, "Did you not hear me just now??? I said NO!" and his dick shrunk by another 7-inches. At this point, the man just needed to make the frog say it one more time so that he'll have just the perfect size. "Come on, buddy. Let's do it! You know you want to!"

    The frog turned red with rage and angrily shouted, "What is wrong with you? How many times do I have to repeat myself? I said NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!"

    2 drunks go to a brothel. The Madam takes a look, and says to manager "put inflatable dolls in 2 bedrooms, the guys are too drunk to notice". On the walk home one guy says " I think my girl was dead, she never moved or made sound". The second guy says " I think mine was a witch." "Why you think that?" "well, I bit her ass, she farted in my face and then flew out of the freaking window!"

    If you put a compass in space , witch way it will point ?

    Why do witches wear name tags?
    To know which witch is which.

    Last Halloween there was a knock on the door. I looked out of the window and then shouted upstairs to my wife, “Honey there’s a witch at the door. What shall I do?”

    She shouted back, “Just give her some candy and tell her to get lost.”
    My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.

  9. Brewing up laughter one joke at a time!

  10. Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
    A: Their bats flew away.

    Whats snacks do wizards eat when they go to the seaside?
    Sand Witches!

    I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.

    What is the witch’s favorite school subject?
    Spelling! 😎

More witch jokes on the following pages...

SEE also - CULT, FANTASY and MAGIC Jokes - hilarious fantastic collection to make you laugh:

Why did the wizard join a cult? Because he wanted to add a little magic to his religious experience! Brace yourself for a divine dose of humor that will leave you spellbound and laughing out loud. Whether you're a believer or not, these jokes are sure to cast a spell on your funny bone. So grab your wand, put on your wizard hat, and get ready for a heavenly dose of laughter!