Aliens Jokes:Join the interstellar laughter club today!

NASA is launching a new mission to tell the aliens we’re sorry for all the space junk.
It’s called Apollo G.

Why are they called extra-terrestrials?

Surely aliens are less terrestrial than us?

Anything can be a UFO if you’re bad enough at identifying stuff.

Do you ever wonder if aliens are just avoiding us because they saw our TikTok videos?

I couldn't tell if i was seeing a UFO or a frisbee...

Then it hit me.

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

Survival Formula for Public Office:

Exploit the inevitable (which means, take credit for anything good which happens whether you had anything to do with it or not).
Don't disturb the perimeter (meaning don't stir up a mess unless you can be sure of the result).
Stay in with the Outs (the Ins will make so many mistakes, you can't afford to alienate the Outs).
Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost.

Cohen's Laws of Politics:

Law of Alienation: Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate.
Law of Ambition: At any one time, thousands of borough councilmen, school board members, attorneys, and businessmen -- as well as congressmen, senators, and governors -- are dreaming of the White House, but few, if any of them, will make it.
Law of Attraction: Power attracts people but it cannot hold them.
Law of Competition: The more qualified candidates who are available, the more likely the compromise will be on the candidate whose main qualification is a nonthreatening incompetence.
Law of Inside Dope: There are many inside dopes in politics and government.
Law of Lawmaking: Those who express random thoughts to legislative committees are often surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law.
Law of Permanence: Political power is as permanent as today's newspaper. Ten years from now, few will know or care who the most powerful man in any state was today.
Law of Secrecy: The best way to publicize a governmental or political action is to attempt to hide it.
Law of Wealth: Victory goes to the candidate with the most accumulated or contributed wealth who has the financial resources to convince the middle class and poor that he will be on their side.
Law of Wisdom: Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise man can lead without power but only a powerful man can lead without wisdom.

I just hope if I’m ever abducted by aliens they let me bring my dog.

I had hoped adulthood would have involved more anal probes by aliens and a lot fewer by medical doctors.

I was really mad when this UFO stole all of the food out of my kitchen, I guess you could say I felt alien-ate-it.

If you identify a UFO as a UFO, then it becomes an FO. Unless it has landed, then it is simply an O.

Just had my first UFO experience!
Told the Missus, her cooking was terrible!

Flying saucers everywhere!

I was once abducted by aliens. They made me wipe my face, blow my nose and eat my greens.
I think I was on board the mothership.

Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.

I screwed up my back investigating alien activity for the FBI.
I have Scully-osis.

What if UFO’s are just billionaires from other planets?

A friend of mine is cheating on his wife with an alien from an advanced civilization.
That’s fucking intelligent.

"I hear Kylie Minogue wants to sing one of her songs in an alien language"
"Like a Martian?"
"No, I should be so lucky"

Why haven’t aliens visited us yet?
They looked at the reviews and we only have one star.

Why haven't aliens visited our Solar System yet?
They looked at the reviews... only 1 star.

Why is it that people with rubbish cameras and shakey hands, are the only people to see UFO's ?

Q: Where in this world would you find opera singing aliens?
A: ARIA 51!!!!!!

A lot of people think that crop circles are caused by aliens spacecraft, but I think they are done by cereal killers.

Was you father an alien? Because there’s nothing else like you on Earth!

What do you call a sick bird from Mars?
An Ill eagle alien.

Question: What do you call alien eggs?
Answer: Eggstra-terrestrials! 🥚