Famous Brands Jokes | Witty Quips for Your Favorite Labels.

I got gas for $1.39 yesterday!

.....too bad it was from Taco Bell.

I saw a yogurt floating across my kitchen. I think it might be paranormal activia.

What do you get when you cross FedEx and UPS?
You get FED UP.

The guy who founded IKEA has just been elected PM of Sweden. He’s still assembling his cabinet.

What happens at an Ikea summit conference? Their employees assemble together.

I always take my problems to Tommy...
Hilfiger it out...

I often wonder what would happen if I coated a stick in Teflon?
Would it not become a non-stick?

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle or a can?
Because his wife died!

I always take my problems to Tommy.

Hilfiger something out.

Jeff Bezos has stepped down as CEO of Amazon.

Apparently he wanted to quit while he was in his Prime.

I used Dove today and only one quarter of my body feels moisturized.

There's a great documentary about purfume on tonight.........
It's on Chanel No5

IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes.
Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years but they’re having a really hard time…
…putting their case together.

I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water until I read it backwards....

Tide Pods: we have the dumbest consumers ever.
Gorilla Glue: hold my beer.

Does Dove deodorant work on pigeons?

What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use?
Her/she.

What did the Michelin man do when he got too old to work?
He retired!

"Screw it, just add another blade."
-Gillette marketing concepts.

A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as a real Rugby player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.
They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt.
On his arm, he has a tattoo that says *REEBOK*
"What's that for?" the lady questions.
"Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me."
Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says *NIKE*
'What's that ?' the lady questions again.
"Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV."
Then the man drops his underwear and on his penis he has a tattoo that says *AIDS*
The lady screams: "Don't tell me you have AIDS!"
The man replies: "No, no...!!! Calm down...!!!
It will read *ADIDAS* in a minute."

Why did the Tupperware lady escape from jail?

Because they couldn't container.

Someone threw a jar of Mayo at me. I was like “what the Hellman”

I just wanna be rich enough to throw leftovers away after dinner instead of putting them in Tupperware and throwing them away a week later.

Do you think it's ironic that only one company
makes the game
Monopoly?

IKEA has been taken to court over faulty luggage. I hear prosecutors are having a really difficult time putting a case together.

Our local shop has just been robbed of 200 cans of Red Bull.

How do these people sleep at night? ☺️

Years ago, I dated a woman who worked at Kodak Film Company.
Nothing developed.

WalMart is closed today so that both cashiers can be with their families.

Did you hear that Fed Ex and UPS are combining.
They'er going to be called, Fed-Up.

I've launched a new yoghurt range specifically aimed at people who are lazy..

It's called Inactivia.

My school was sponsored by IKEA.
Assembly took ages.

I stopped for a bite to eat last night at a posh burger van.

It had 4 Michelin tyres...

Dear TAG heuer;
I’m pretty sure that if I end up 500 meters under water, I won’t need a watch anymore...

After an explosion at a Japanese car parts factory, it was reported that it was raining Datsun cogs.

Do you know what the opposite of lady fingers is?

Mentos.

After all my years working at the Land Rover factory...

I've realised that I've made many discoveries.

If you see someone doing a crossword...
lean over and say 7 up is lemonade!

I love how my mum always calls that app 'Tic Tac' instead of 'Tik Tok.'

It's like a breath of fresh air.

Ever noticed how Evian bottled water is just ‘naive’ spelt backwards?

I'm doing my best to remove the word 'Chocolate' from my vocadbury.

A prostitute walked into a Halloween party wearing a Ford emblem on a chain around her neck and said,
"I'm a Ford Escort"

There was a fight in the local petrol station last night.
Six people were arrested in Total!

Unsuccessfully tried to sue British Airways for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

I got stopped by the security guard at Curry's today.

He said.. Before I search you.. have you got anything sharp in your pockets..

I said no, only Sony and Panasonic. 😆

My mate Alan drives a Wagon delivering Cosmetics..
We call him Lorry Al..😀

I'm not good at deciding on colognes and clothing, so I'll ask my friend Tommy.

Hilfiger it out!!!!!!

How do you make a Kleenex dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

I was at 711 and a guy asked me if I believed in God.

I'm buying dinner at 711,homie.I don't even believe in myself.

2 blondes in a pub when a handsome young man with dandruff walks in....
One blonde says "He needs head and shoulders"
The other blonde says "How do you give shoulders???

3 men were waiting outside the labor ward of the hospital. A nurse came out to tell the 1st man: "Congratulations. You are the father of twins." "Twins!" he exclaimed "How about that? I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Co.!" 5 mins later, a nurse came out to tell the 2nd man: "Congratulations. You are the father of triplets." "Triplets!" he said "What a coincidence! I work for the 3M Organization!" The 3rd man stood up & muttered: "I need some air. I work for 7-Up.

"What Dishwasher powder do you use?"
"Finish!"
"Oh sorry, Mitä Astianpesukone jauhe käytätte?"

If you own a Tesla and it gets stolen, does it become an Edison?

I got gas for $1.39 today. Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.

Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his whopper!

Nike has come out with a bra that aids virgin boys.
Just Undo It.

I sold all my Nike stock this afternoon.
It was a good run.

Quit my job at nike today. Just couldn't do it anymore.

- What did the chewing gum say to the adidas sneaker?
- I'm stuck on you!

- What shoes do secret agents wear?
- Adidas Sneakers.

- Why did Levi Strauss suffer from chronic diarrhea?
- It runs in his jeans.

What do you call a one-legged woman wearing Levi's?
Jean.

Did you know the founder of Levi's supported eugenics?
Yeah, he wanted everyone to have superior jeans.

I just bought some Coca Cola stocks.
It's nice to have some liquid assets.

Please stop making new flavors of coca cola.
Either you put the cocaine back or leave it alone.

I feel bad that nobody’s checking up on Coca Cola’s well-being.
When everyone asks if Pepsi is okay.

I like my co-workers the same way I like Coca Cola.
I don't like Coca Cola.

- What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common?
- They both contain high amounts of trans fats.

- Why did the chicken go to KFC.
- He wanted to see the chicken strip.

- Why does KFC not have toilet paper?
- It's finger licking good.

- What’s something that often comes in a McDonald’s happy meal?
- Me. It’s me.

- What do you call someone who steals from McDonalds?
- A Hamburglar.

Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because your loving it?"
Man: “No, because its fat and greasy.”

I quit my job at McDonald’s today...
Boss was a clown.

Reporter: Good day, I'm John Smith from the Coca-Cola company. Mr president I have a question. You've been trying to get the old times back, and bringing the good old communism back.

Putin: Communism bring back russia, yes

Reporter:Why don't you also bring the old red flag back? And maybe we will close a 5 billion dollar deal if you put our logo very tiny in a little corner...

Putin: Hmm, I have discuss this

*Putin whispers to his Prime Minister*: Psst, Medvedev, when ends the Aquafresh contract?

I’ve been watching so much porn lately, I think I broke my computer.
Instead of a Windows logo it just shows #metoo.

I gave my Japanese friend a Lacoste top as a gift.
He smiled and said 'Arigato'
I'm fairly certain their logo a crocodile...

- You know what's cool about owning a Chevy ?
- Well, the logo is a big plus.

- Why did the man get the windows logo printed onto all his underwear ?
- Because he thought it would make them software.

Well done to McDonald's for marking International Women's Day by turning their logo upside down...
It looks just like a big dangly pair of tits...

I just heard that Budweiser is suing Stella Artois for casting Sarah Jessica Parker in their Super Bowl LIII ad.
Apparently they have a trademark on beer advertisements starring a horse.