Hilarious jokes about BOSSes that will make your day !

My boss said to me: "Why do you come out in a rash when I give you your wages?"
I said: "It's because I'm allergic to peanuts!"

My boss: my door is always open.

(Me creeping quietly out the office toilet).

A Father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said,
"I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting.

Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.

I quit my job at McDonald’s today...
Boss was a clown.

My boss fired me for being on Twitter at work
I don't think he understands how a social media manager works...

My boss is very easygoing. He told me not to think of him as the boss, rather, think of him as a friend who is never wrong.”

Boss to employees: ‘We will continue to have these meetings every single day until I work out why no work is being done’!

The gay crime boss surprised everyone by announcing he was going straight.

I nearly lost my job as a roofer when I was caught masturbating on the first day. Luckily my boss suggested we just wipe the slate clean.

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, I have to take your temperature.
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer. This started another round of complaining but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!
She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing.....
After about 20 minutes, the man's doctor came into the room. What's going on here? asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answered, What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?
After a pause, the doctor confessed..... Not with a Daffodil.

Boss: I pay you just enough so you don't quit.
Me: I work just enough so you don't fire me.

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
“We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”
“Thanks, boss,” says Smith “I knew I could count on you!” 😎

My boss told me to stop shortening his name to Dick.
I guess it’s because his name is Matthew. 👨‍💼

My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together

I totally nailed it 🔨

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas. "Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?" The kid says, "One." The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" Kid says, "$101,237.64." Boss says, "$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?"
Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer." The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing"