Hilarious Jokes about food, cooking, snacks, drinks and diet !

I made a chicken salad today.

That ungrateful bird didn't even eat it!

I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet.
I get hungry.

I'm experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep EVERYONE away, whatever their profession.

Contains vinegar, molasses, sugar, salt, fruit, herbs & spices.
This information has been obtained from several reliable sauces.

If pizza could talk, what would it say?
Probably lots of cheesy things.

So I'm really pleased with my vegetable patch.
Haven't wanted a vegetable in weeks.

When I'm reading
an article on milk
I just skim through.

If I were a stripper I would be called bacon.
Because bacon strips.

I figured out why I don't like rabbit stew. It's because I always find a hare in it.

Of course size matters...
No one wants a small taco.

I’m being blamed for the missing grated cheese, but they haven’t found one shred of evidence.

Anything with raisins in it would be ten times better with chocolate chips in it instead.
For example, a box of raisins.

The cook took some carrots and made some grate things.

What do you eat when you're cold and angry?
A Brrgrr.

Why do sailors eat so many carrots?
It helps them sea better.

I like to bowl, but all he's interested in is spooning;
knive given up! Pass
the cereal please!

What is a cannibal's favorite soup?

Raw Men.

My friend Saul is a chef whose signature dish combines meat and fruit.

It's called Saul's berry steak.

How do you know that you can use mozzarella as glue? Because mozzarella sticks.

I had shrimp fried rice last night. I didnt even know shrimps could cook.

Hear about the guy who went on an onion diet? Lost 2 pounds and 12 friends.

Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn't a real sport.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for these noodles I’m about to eat.
Ramen .

What do you call it when mozzarella, cheddar, and parmesan rent a little beach house together?
Cottage cheese.

What do you call a barbeque for the FBI?
A steak-out.

Heard the government was putting Chips on people...
Hope mine is sour cream and onion.

I don't use much seasoning in the kitchen.
You have to take my cooking skills with a grain of salt...

I wanted to make a chicken omelette for breakfast, but I couldn’t remember which ingredient came first…

I wanted to learn to dance so I started with salsa. I wanted something I could dip in to.

Yesterday was International Bread Day.
This fact is a day old, so I Propose a toast.

What soup is most popular with bureaucrats?

Administrone.

I hear that prunes are trying to take over the market, but the grapes are raisin hell about it.

I’ve been banned from the Secret Cooking Society...
I kept spilling the beans.

I used to be a good egg, but I cracked.

- What's up cake?
- Muffin much.

Last night, my wife made an Indian dish…but I think she was just trying to curry favor.

People who don't eat gluten are really going against the grain.

FUN Fact:
Avocados are toxic to almost every other animal except humans.

I wonder if Jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish...

I was watching an Australian cooking show and the audience applauded when the chef made a meringue. I was surprised.

Australians usually boo meringue...

Switched from eating wild boar to venison.
.
An absolute game changer.

I tied all my spaghetti together last night when I was drunk. Today I ended up skipping dinner.

My husband said I had to stop pretending I was butter.
But , I'm on a roll now.

Wife got all dressed up and said:
Tonight I'm going to give you super sex.
I said: I'll have the soup!

FUN Fact:
Ice Cream actually makes your body warmer due to the fat content.

I made a pizza with liver. Nobody liked it...
So I had to deliver it.

I've just been to the shortest ever Festival of Cheese.
It was the briefest.

Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family.

After eating escargot I felt very sluggish.

Did you hear about the tomato that fell in a pot of boiling water? Boy...was he ever stewed!

There's no sense eating salad and veggies and stuff when your wife isn't with you. She wouldn't believe it anyway.

I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot yesterday...
it caused severe pain...
to ma toes

Unspoken Rule: if you go to the kitchen for a snack, bring back enough to share.

Offering someone food but secretly hoping they don't want it.