All-Star Laughs for Champions of Comedy.
"I'm not a fan of working out. My idea of a workout is running from my problems."
- Jennifer Lawrence
Score Big with Laughter - Sports Jokes that Never Miss!
Every time Sweden and Denmark play a football match, the scoreboard says SWE - DEN.
Interestingly, the letters omitted from the scoreboard spell DEN - MARK.
The worst part about a 30 minute workout is the final 29 minutes.
Why isn't suntanning an Olympic sport?
Because the best you can ever get is bronze.
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
I don't workout to stay fit. I don't workout to be healthy. I don't workout to look good. OK, ok, I don't workout.
I've been away from the gym so long that it asked me to call it James.
I don't hate any specific race.
I just hate running, period.
I haven't tried yoga... but I have tried bending over to pick up my keys, so I'm pretty sure I'd hate yoga.
Does rocking a vending machine count as exercise?
My idea of leg day is when my legs are spread in the air
I tried bobsleighing for the first time last year. I killed 5 Bobs.
If I'm ever found dead on a jogging trail, Just know I was killed somewhere else and dragged there.
When jogging, we put on special clothes so people don't think we are running from or to something.
What kind of underwear do long distance runners wear? Marathongs...
Golf is the only sport around, where the object is to play less of it.
Game On for Giggles - Sports Jokes that Will Have You Cheering!
So I have never seen a person Smiling & Jogging...
That's about all I need to know about that.....
How could you tell that the ambidextrous baseball player was bisexual?
Cuz he swings both ways.
There’s a curling competition just a stone’s throw from my house.
Tennis players grunt too much when they play.
There's no need for that racket.
Wrestling is so stupid...
Men with no pants, fighting for a belt.
Technically the overall goal of golf...
is to play less golf...
No matter what anyone says, a mattress should be part of your exercise equipment...
I'm running in a Scandinavian race next week. Really short one. It starts at the Finnish line.
Most people don't know this but the Australian figure skaters spin in the opposite direction.
I’ve just injected steroids into my arm. Anabolic? No, just my arm.
Q: What do they say to start the meditation Olympics?
Although training for marathons is very, VERY grueling, it DEFINITELY pays off in the..long run.
Volleyball is just professional hot potato.
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting!
Skydiving and scuba are similar, skydivers just run out of air faster.
Get Your Funny Game Face On - Fitness Jokes that Will Leave You in Stitches!
Have u ever wondered why India don't participate in world cup? Because Fifa can't accept 10min singing & dancing after every goal.
I have to admit that I've been hiding from exercise.!
Yes,I'm in the fitness protection programme.
My local football team have lost more matches than me trying to light a candle in the dark.
Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn't work out.
I can't tell you how much I hate going to the gym when I can't find a parking place close to the door...
Did you hear about the athletic almond?
Total fitness nut.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
Why did the bodybuilder cross the road?
He didn't. There's no walking on leg day.
Due to a sudden shortage of instructors, yoga students are being asked to be much more flexible.
I like going to the gym
But everything there is really heavy.
At the gym, I decided to hop on the treadmill.
People gave me weird looks so I started jogging instead..
I was sent off during the cricket match for throwing roll-on deodorant at the batsmen. Apparently, you’re not meant to bowl under-arm.
What country is filled with body builders?
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It's true. After going to the gym I easily decided I'm never going again.
Volleyball is just professional hot potato.
Tackle the Funny Side of Sports - Jokes That'll Make You Jump Off the Bench!
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark…
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.
Not to brag, but I just got a job as a fitness model.
They hired me as the “before” picture.
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won't accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
I'm at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage.
Why don’t skeletons do well at sports?
Because they have no skin in the game!
I do two hours of cardio every day...
But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.
I started going to the gym in my tuxedo, everything went well except the weight lifting.
It’s not my strong suit.
I go to the gym religiously.
About twice a year around the holidays.
I'm not allowed to do yoga on the plane, even though i have my pilates license.
I'd rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
What do you do for exercise?
I lift weights.
What do you do for cardio?
I lift weights faster.
Q: Why did the exercise expert go to the beach?
A: To get some mussels!.
Winter sports fans need to accept it; Skiing is going downhill.
DID YOU KNOW that exercise can add years to your life?! OH YES! For example, I've just ran 2 miles and now I feel like I’m 82...
Why can’t Cinderella play soccer? She always runs away from the ball.