Hilarious jokes about MEDITATION that will make your day !

Q: What do they say to start the meditation Olympics?

A: Ready…..Steady……Stop!

There was a man who had a 28-inch dick.
He was tired with all the inconveniences that came with it and no doctor was able to help him. Desperate, he went to talk to the village witch. The witch said, "Go to the Seventh Mountain and look for the Mystical Frog. He can speak; you just need him to mutter the word 'no' and your dick will shrink by 7 inches."

So the man traveled there and, sure enough, he found the Mystical Frog meditating. He went over to the frog and said, "Hey Frog, let's you and I have sex!" The frog was shocked and replied, "What the hell's your problem? NO!" The man's dick shrunk by 7-inches; things were looking good.

He asked the frog again, "Come on, Froggy, let's get it on!" to which the frog replied, "Did you not hear me just now??? I said NO!" and his dick shrunk by another 7-inches. At this point, the man just needed to make the frog say it one more time so that he'll have just the perfect size. "Come on, buddy. Let's do it! You know you want to!"

The frog turned red with rage and angrily shouted, "What is wrong with you? How many times do I have to repeat myself? I said NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!"

Why do green beans meditate? To find inner peas!

My Eastern philosophy guru told me ...
"To grow in enlightenment, you must live in harmony with the mystical Source of everything."

"Wait," I said. "I thought you told me last week that enlightenment came from sudden bursts of insight when meditating on a koan."

"Well," he replied, "that was Zen. This is Tao."

"Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them."

― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Why do meditation masters enjoy playing tennis?
Because the scores always start with love, love. The game always begins with a service. And the winner gets a cup that’s empty.

Q: Why did the meditation teacher give no change when a student paid for a meditation cushion?
A: Because change has to come from within.

A Meditation student asked his teacher, "Am I allowed to send you email?"
"Yes," replied the teacher, "But no attachments please."

A Meditation student asks their teacher how long it will take them to gain enlightenment if they practice diligently.
"Ten years," says the teacher.
"Well, how about if I really work and double my effort?"
"Twenty years."

Q: Why do mindful meditators love birthdays?

A: They love all the ‘Presents’.

Q: What do they say to start the meditation Olympics?

A: Ready…..Steady……Stop!

I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.

Why do green beans meditate? To find inner peas!

You need to try meditating during a storm. It's a really in-lightening experience.

There was a man who had a 28-inch dick.
He was tired with all the inconveniences that came with it and no doctor was able to help him. Desperate, he went to talk to the village witch. The witch said, "Go to the Seventh Mountain and look for the Mystical Frog. He can speak; you just need him to mutter the word 'no' and your dick will shrink by 7 inches."

So the man traveled there and, sure enough, he found the Mystical Frog meditating. He went over to the frog and said, "Hey Frog, let's you and I have sex!" The frog was shocked and replied, "What the hell's your problem? NO!" The man's dick shrunk by 7-inches; things were looking good.

He asked the frog again, "Come on, Froggy, let's get it on!" to which the frog replied, "Did you not hear me just now??? I said NO!" and his dick shrunk by another 7-inches. At this point, the man just needed to make the frog say it one more time so that he'll have just the perfect size. "Come on, buddy. Let's do it! You know you want to!"

The frog turned red with rage and angrily shouted, "What is wrong with you? How many times do I have to repeat myself? I said NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!"

My Eastern philosophy guru told me ...
"To grow in enlightenment, you must live in harmony with the mystical Source of everything."

"Wait," I said. "I thought you told me last week that enlightenment came from sudden bursts of insight when meditating on a koan."

"Well," he replied, "that was Zen. This is Tao."