Prepare to Be Enchanted by These Magic Jokes.

Linux is not magic.

It's sudo science.

“Engineering is the closest thing to magic that exists in the world.”

— Elon Musk

My wife said she wanted me to put the magic back into our relationship.

I don't think sawing her in half was quite what she had in mind.

Did you hear about the magician that turned his car into a driveway?

If you don’t know where your kids are in the house, turn off the internet and watch them magically appear.

Planning kills the magic.

Linux isn't magic, it's sudo science.

Sex WITHOUT A CONDOM IS SO MAGICAL . A BABY Appears & The Father Disappears.

I'm no Magician but I once turned a back rub into 2 kids and a mortgage.

A magician wanted a new change of career. So he decided to go from magic tricks to... wait for it - elec-tricks

A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way.

Would the body of a dead magician be called an abra cadaver ?

“Engineering is the closest thing to magic that exists in the world.”
—Elon Musk

Malinowski's Law: Looking from far above, from our high places of safety in the developed civilization, it is easy to see all the crudity and irrelevance of magic.

Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

I used to practice Black Magic.
.
I got fed up with the sacrifices I was making.

“Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: Watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car."
— Stephen Colbert

The magician said he would make a musical instrument appear and VIOLA! There it was.

“Hey, babe. How would you like a backstage pass to The Magic Flute?”

- Mozart’s favorite pickup line.

I’m no magician but I once turned a back rub into two kids and a mortgage.

Our love is like magic.
It's not real.

Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying basic fundamentals.

What does a magician penguin say? "Pick a cod, any cod..."

My email wasn't working this morning so I asked my magic 8 ball why...

It said "outlook not so good."

Before my girlfriend and i made love for the first time, she said, "i want this night to be magical" so after we made love i disappeared.

I thought the local farmer was a magician when his tractor turned into a field.

Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.

What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod., any cod.

My father was an amazing magician...he could walk down the street and turn into a bar.

My Uncle must be the world's unluckiest magician, the day after he got a new assistant she died.
I bet he regrets trying to cut her in half, longways now.

Teacher: "What does your dad do for s living?"
Student: "He is a magician."
Teacher: "What is his favourite trick?"
Student: "He cuts people in two."
Teacher: "How many brothers and sisters do you have?"
Student: "Two half brothers and two half sisters."

I saw a magician yesterday who turned audience members into wind turbines. I immediately became a big fan.

I just read David Copperfield by Charles Dickens, not a mention about his magic tricks.

I recently tried to join the Magic Circle, but failed the interview.

They kept asking me trick questions....

Did you hear about the kid's magician who used chocolate in his magic act?
He always had a couple of twix up his sleeve.

I can't wait to walk down the aisle again one day... and hear those magical words...

"This is your Captain speaking..."

I was so good at doing magic tricks as a teenager that most of my friends disappeared.

What is a magician’s favourite dog breed? Labracadabrador.

A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.

Sex without condoms is magical.
.
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A baby appears, and father disappears.