Prepare to Be Enchanted by These Magic Jokes.

“Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic”

— Frida Kahlo

I appeared in court this morning.

The Judge was very impressed with my magic trick.

Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.

A friend of mine thought that the local farmer was a magician because he heard that he had turned his cows into a field.

What did the magician use to walk through the wall?
The Door.

Vladimir Putin is my favorite magician.
He makes his opponents disappear.

I perform a magic show in which I make marijuana and cocaine disappear.
It's all smoke and mirrors.

A statue of a naked woman and a naked man stand in a park at night. Suddenly from out of nowhere, a magical genie arrives and grants the statues each one wish to be fulfilled. Both the female and male statues agree on 15 minutes as a real man and woman in the bushes behind them to "get things done." The genie gives a knowing grin and grants the wish. The man and woman immediately jump behind the bushes and screaming sounds and laughter can be heard from their activities. 12 minutes later they return to the front of the bush again claiming they are finished. "Well now, that was kinda quick!" the genie says. "You can do it a second time for the remaining 3 minutes if you want," the genie tells them, winking his eye. Both the female and male look at each other and smile. The man says to the woman, "Okay great, but this time you get to hold the pigeon so I can shit on him!"

A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician did the same tricks each week. However, there was a problem, the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting out the secrets in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat." "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table." "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day, the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself with the parrot, adrift on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, then another, and another. Finally, after a week, the parrot said, "Okay, I give up. Where the heck is the boat?"

To save his business, my butcher is trying an experimental process where he gives his cows magic mushrooms before slaughtering them.
Let's just say...the steaks are high.

How to be Happy ?
- Stop expecting anything from anyone and see the magic yourself.

Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your t*ts dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

Husband comes home and finds his wife sitting-up in bed with a massive pair of boobs that she didn't have earlier.He said "where did you get those from?" She said "I went to a trash and treasure market today and a man sold me a magic mirror,so I hung it behind the bathroom door and said"mirror mirror on the door,I have small boobs please give me more" and this is what happened." He said "wow, I might have a go." So he goes into the bathroom and says "mirror mirror on the door,make my willy touch the floor" and his legs fell off !

The universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.
Eden Phillpotts

What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador. 🐶

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:
"Look, it's not the same hat."
"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table."
"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"