Serving up laughs that are simply to die for.
Did you hear about the cannibal who got promoted? He was a cutthroat salesman.
I asked a cannibal if he was a vegetarian, and he said, 'Only on weekdays, I like to keep things balanced.'
Why did the cannibal go to culinary school? He wanted to learn the proper way to 'meat' people's expectations.
Because even cannibals need a good laugh... and a good recipe.
There was once a cannibal who had two wives and ate kids.
Well if Elvis wasn’t a cannibal then explain “Love Me Tender.”.
What is a cannibal's favorite soup?
Raw Men.
What does a cannibal see in a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Surprise.
- Was I right to take in this cannibal as a lodger?
- Hmm .. that's a tough decision.
- I know, it's been eating away at me all day.
Proving that cannibals have a killer sense of humor.
Q: When do cannibals leave the table?
A: When everyone's eaten.
I just went to a cannibal themed restaurant... I thought it would cost an arm and a leg, but it was only $23 a head.
The cannibal greeted his guests at the door with handshakes.
2 cannibals eating a guy.
1 starts at the head, the other starts at the feet.
The one at the head asks the other one,
"How ya doing down there?"
"Oh, I'm havin a ball."
"Slow down, you're eating too fast."
Went to a cannibal restaurant last night ....£50 a head.
Chew on some twisted comedy with Cannibal Jokes.
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
I’ve decided to open a new restaurant for cannibals.
Now I need to recruit several Head Chefs...
Q: What's the definition of trust?
A: Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
Have you heard of the cannibal who went to a party?
They all gave him the cold shoulder.
Never believe a masochist cannibal
They are so full of themselves.
For jokes that'll make you scream... for more reasons than one!
Lions can't swallow their pride. That'd be cannibalism.
What does food taste like in Cannibal Restaurants?
It varies from person to person.
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
If this Covid-19 shit gets much worse and we all have to start cannibalism, remember : Vegans first.
They are closest to grass fed animals.
Two cannibals are enjoying dinner. One compliments the other: "I say, Bill, your wife makes a great meal!"
Sink your teeth into some dark and delicious humor.
Went to a Cannibal wedding on Saturday.
It was all going well...
until they decided to toast the Bride and Groom.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says
“I think we got this joke wrong”
I am so fed up with people, at times i hate being a cannibal.
What's the definition of trust? Two cannibals having oral sex!
Warning: Our jokes are so funny, they're positively flesh-crawling!
I visited a cannibal restaurant during my time in the South Pacific.
On the menu I saw there was missionary soup for $5. Below it was politician soup for $1000.
So I asked the waiter, "why's the politician soup so expensive?"
And he said to me "you ever tried to clean one of the bastards?"
When the cannibal was late for lunch they gave him the cold shoulder.
2 clowns eating a cannibal,
1 says to the other, “i think that we may have got this joke wrong”
Two cannibals are enjoying dinner. One compliments the other:
"I say Bill, your wife really makes a great meal.".
I was gonna try cannibalism, but I gave up when I got cold feet.
Bite-sized jokes that leave you hungry for more!
PUNS FOR EDUCATED MINDS
1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.
What do lazy cannibals eat?
The vegetables.
An accused cannibal is trying to defend himself at court: “Your Honor, if it really is as they say, You are what you eat, then I must insist I am a perfectly innocent victim here!”
Why don’t cannibals like to eat millennials?
They’re too salty.
Did you hear about the cannibalistic lion?
He swallowed his pride.
Feeding your funny bone with unexpected flavors!
Buddy: A cannibal took my wife to see a Russell Crowe movie.
Me: Gladiator?
Buddy: No, I really miss her now.
Q: What does a cannibal do after he eats a vegetable?
A: He throws away the wheelchair!
Q: What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to Halloween dinner?
A: They gave him the cold shoulder.
25 PUNS FOR EDUCATED MINDS
1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.
Two cannibals walk into a bar and sit beside this clown. The first cannibal whacks the clown on the head and they both start eating the clown. Suddenly the second cannibal looks up and says, “Hey, do you taste something funny?”