Where equations meet entertainment.
These jokes are like a formula for mirth, where the only variables involved are wit and a healthy appreciation for numbers.
Just remember, they may be a bit hard to grasp for some, but fear not, because laughter is the common denominator that unites us all. Happy laughing and calculating, my fellow math enthusiasts!
Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated:
2024-11-20.
1. The quadratic equations of comedy.
- Do you have a doctor here?
- Yes, I’m.
- What’s your specialty?
- I’m a doctor in Mathematics.
- My friend is dying.
- Minus one.
How do you make 7 even?
You take away the s.
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9.
The odds were against me.
Mathematics is the language in which God has written the universe.
-- Galileo Galilei (1564 - 1642)
If I had a dollar for every time algebra has helped me in real life, I'd have x dollars.
She was sending me mixed signals, so I did a Fourier analysis.
The lottery system is a voluntary tax on stupid people who don't understand statistics.
What do you call a horny square?
An erectangle.
Why was algebra easier for the ancient Romans?
Because back then, X always equaled 10.
Does 9 divided by 2 equal 45 or am I just missing the point?
Why don't plants like math?
Because it gives them square roots!
Q: What’s the difference between the diameter and the radius?
A: The radius.
Learn math, kids. Speaking the language of nature is the ultimate superpower.
Leibniz be like: when life gives you lemons, make le monad.
I asked my dog "what's seven minus seven?"
He said nothing.
2. Where humor and numbers come together in a delightful equation.
What's the difference between Calculus and sex? Math nerds get Calculus.
Did you hear about the math teacher who opened a bakery? She makes surreally delicious pi-es and calculates just the right amount of icing for each slice.
Premise I: knowledge is power.
Premise II: power corrupts.
Conclusion: therefore, knowledge corrupts.
I tried dating a mathematician, but her x was impossible to solve.
Theorem: A cat has nine tails.
Proof: No cat has eight tails. A cat has one more tail than no cat. Therefore a cat has nine tails.
Statisticians believe they can predict football results using Poisson distribution.
Data science for the money, Statistics for the glory.
"I can't go outside because I have to study for a calculus exam."
“Calculus on such a nice day? What are you, some kind of mathochist?"
Two guys constantly doing math together:
Algebros.
'Mathematics is the part of physics where experiments are cheap.'
-- V. I. Arnold
Machine learning is just statistics. On steroids. Lots and lots of steroids.
89% of the world population don't know how to calculate 89% of the world population... funny statistics.
So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69 .
Apparently, "I do." is not the correct answer.
What is 6.9??
69 ruined by a period.
What’s the square root of 69 ?
Ate something.
3. The little mathematical puzzles that, when solved, reward you with laughter.
"Dad what is 69 ?" asks son
Dad: Well son, it a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally.
Son: So what shall I write? Odd or even.
“Dad what is 69?” asks son Dad: Well son, it a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally. Son: So what shall I write? Odd or even.
Eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony. Eating too much pie is ok bcoz the sin of pi is always zero.
A mathematician's son asks him:" dad, what is an orgy?"
The Mathematician replies:" 230 divided by 3.3."
What did π say to i? Get real.
What did i say to π? Be rational.
Genie: You have three wishes.
Me: Nice! I wish for pie.
Genie: Fine. You can have 3.14 wishes.
I had to break up with my math teacher girlfriend.
She was still obsessed with an X.
The fact that there are imaginary number in math is proof that humans create their own problems and then cry about them .
I used to hate math, but then I realized decimals have a point.
Why should you wear glasses to math class? Because it helps with division.
My teacher said I’m pretty good at addition but I’m terrible at subtractions.
I don’t get the difference.
At school they taught us that XXX is Roman Numerals. I typed XXX on Google and the Romans came out naked.
If you think Pi is 3142, then you're missing the point.
After a long day teaching math the teacher couldn’t wait to get home and ditch her algebra
The Planes Indians practiced polygamy, and one chief had three squaws.
The first squaw lived in a teepee of elk hide, the second in a teepee made of buffalo hide, and the youngest in a teepee of hippopotamus hide.
Then he slept with each wife on the eve of his great hunting trip.
He was gone nine moons and when he returned, he went into the elk hide teepee and found that his wife had borne him a son. Likewise, in the buffalo hide teepee, that squaw, too, had borne him a son. So, imagine his surprise when he found twin baby boys in the hippopotamus hide teepee.
This just proves that ...
The squaw of the hippopotomus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides.
4. Where the punchlines are derived from algebraic formulas and laughter is the solution to all of life's problems.
Her: Could you do Polygamy?
Me: Hell no. I hated algebra in High School.
The average stripper weighs 112lbs.
According to one pole.
You wanna know what's odd?
Numbers that aren't divisible by 2.
Ugh, this joke is so bad, I can't even...
Old number theorists never die, they just get past their Prime.
I’m not an outlier; I just haven’t found my distribution yet!
(statistics fun)
What did the z distribution say to the t distribution?
You may look like me but you're not normal.
(statistics fun)
Logic is a systematic method for getting the wrong conclusion with confidence. Statistics is a systematic method for getting the wrong conclusion with 95 percent confidence.
Statistics is the art of never having to say you're wrong.
Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
- Aaron Levenstein
To be a statistican is great! You never have to be "absolutely sure" of anything... being "reasonably certain" is enough! -
Pavel E. Guarisma
I'm starting a business to teach short people math.
It's called, "Making the little things count."
The number 7 is undereighted.
A trigonometry book has been discovered on the planet Mars. Unfortunately, there were no other sines of life.
How many months have 28 days?
All 12.
Mathematicians aren’t that smart.
They say pie are square.
When everyone knows.
Pie are round.