Tech Geek Jokes: Embrace Your Inner Geek and Laugh at Yourself!

If someone sends me a screenshot I always check their battery percentage.

“The problem with experts is that they do not know what they do not know.”
Nassim Taleb

The phrase “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

Humans invented machines to skip some effort and now they exercise and work out to make up for the effort they skipped.

“Scientists study the world as it is, engineers create the world that never has been.”
- Theodore von Karman

A piece of paper has six sides but only two can be used effectively.

Yeah, I'm into NFT's.

Not Fucking Paying Taxes

Simple doesn't mean stupid. Thinking that it does, does.

-- Paul Krugman

Have you heard of the new Apple Product to protect your eyes? It’s called the iLid.

If a microscope crashes into a telescope, do you get a kaleidoscope?

I have a civil engineering joke but its still under construction.

"You never cure structural defects; the system corrects itself by collapsing."

"The electric light did not come from the continuous improvement of candles."

- Oren Harari

“This one I’ll definitely remember.”

*Me creating a new password*

"Our temporary solution to a temporary problem has become a permanent problem."

My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what's really going on to be scared.

-- P. J. Plauger

If you cannot explain something in simple terms, you don't understand it.

I didn’t know how a water purifier worked, but now it's become clear.

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

"If you need a degree to do it, it’s not going to make you wealthy."

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam and they’re just using it to make TVs.

“Engineering is the closest thing to magic that exists in the world.”

— Elon Musk

Tablets were replaced by scrolls. Scrolls were replaced by books.

Now we scroll through books on tablets.

My girlfriend said she needs some time and distance.

Is she calculating speed?

My girlfriend said she needs some time and distance.

Is she calculating speed?

Buying a digital camera is a positive thing.

There are no negatives.

I asked the librarian if they had any books on amplifiers.

She said, “Yes, what volume would you like?”

“Shoot for the stars – you might land on the moon” actually describes a terrible mission failure.

“One man’s “magic” is another man’s engineering. “Supernatural” is a null word.”
- Robert A. Heinlein

Your family member will not consider you an engineer unless you repair any of the home appliances.

I wonder if Bell ever envisioned looking a pictures of kittens over his device?

Anything can be a UFO if you’re bad enough at identifying stuff.

Science finds the way.
Engineering builds the road.

A light switch is also a dark switch.

The three laws of Engineering:
1. Always use the right tool for the job.
2. A hammer is the right tool for any job.
3. Anything can be used as a hammer.

Note to self: turning off the speaker does not end the phone call.

If you have never wrote “boobies” on a calculator well then my friend, you’re to young for us to hangout.

Electric vehicle owners should ONLY be allowed to charge their cars using wind and solar power, otherwise it's just pretend.

Real life's what happens while you're waiting for your phone to charge.

What do women and engines have in common?
They both Suck, Squeeze, Bang, and Blow.

Vacuum cleaner stopped sucked, it must have gotten married.

During sexual intercourse Jimmy suddenly stops and becomes motionless..

Girl: What the heck are you doing??

Jimmy: I have seen this on adult porn sites, it's called "buffering"

It's not a hot water heater, it's just a water heater, unless you're heating hot water.

So I got asked today:
“Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with?”
I said: “Obviously a lift engineer.”

I have a fetish for magnets.
I don't know why, I just find them attractive.

My wife told me to stop making camera puns. I told her to stop focusing on the negatives and develop a sense of humour.She left me in a flash.

The first tv came out. Guy asks "what are the chances I can change channels from across the room?"
Salesman says "remote".

So, what kind of sweet treat do electricians like?
Shockolate!!

My biggest fear of self driving cars is that if I would die on the way to work the car would still drive me there.

What does an electrician have for breakfast?

Ohm-lette.

Hey everybody!!
I just found out that my a.m. radio works at night too!!

Hung a picture up on the wall the other day.
Nailed it!

I have a giant thermometer.

It's not wide in width, but far-in-height.

I just renewed my CPR Certificate.
I learned it is rare that a Defibrillator malfunctions!
But when it does no one is Shocked!

The majority of train derailments are due to the engineer being distracked.

I have always wondered why Lemonade is made with artificial flavors --and Furniture polish is made with real lemons.

“ Russian Satellite Falls to Earth “
I just read the Orbituary.

I tried settings up a website for women drivers but it just kept crashing.

If youve never rewound a cassette tape with your finger, you have no right to complain about buffering.

"How the fuck did they get my number?"
Me, every time my phone rings.