Boost Your Productivity with Business Jokes.

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Negotiations are won by whoever cares less.

Growing herbs can be profitable. Thyme is money.

if you rob a bank you're a criminal.

if the bank robs you its finance.

if everyone robs everyone its decentralized finance.

There are two outcomes once you get into business:

1) It eventually works
2) You give up before it does

That’s it.

Invest in yourself because you’re worth it.

I started a management meeting by getting everyone to say 'Titanic' to each other, but they all just looked confused.

I guess it wasn't a very good ice breaker.

My bonsai business was so successful, I had to move to smaller premises.

CFO asks CEO: “What happens if we invest in developing our people and they leave us?”

CEO: “What happens if we don’t, and they stay?”

If A is success in life, then

𝐀 = 𝐱 + 𝐲 + 𝐳.

Work is x, play is y and z is keeping your mouth shut.

— A. Einstein (1879-1955)

There was just one employee at the bank today.

Must have been the lone officer.

My scuba diving business has gone under.

I've started a business selling sausages online.

If you're interested, I can send a link.

Remember, when life gives you lemons, they are considered taxable income.

I have a joke on digital marketing but you will have click first.

I opened a new hotel last week. It was an overnight success.

My construction company failed after a competitor started a viscous rumor that I build houses without a foundation. It was as a baseless accusation.

I figure my new hourglass design will turn the timekeeping industry upside down.

I'm not sure if selling products to other countries is a good idea.

I need an export opinion.

I just bought a peanut farm, I hope all the hard work doesn't make me nuts.

Why are vampires very bad product managers? Because they refuse to meet with stake holders.

My company is better at making sun cream than our competitors, but I don't like to rub it in.

Who's better at business. A Crack dealer or a prostitute?... the prostitute,, she can wash her Crack out & resell it...

Our sales manager wants us to sell amplifiers and speakers below cost.
He thinks we can just make it up with volume.

I set up a booth at our local mall where I tie people’s shoelaces for them. Next year I’ll file taxes as a knot for profit organization.

If two Car Dealers had a Shared Parking Area...

they would have a lot in common.

I invented a relish, and it’s selling well. It's my main
sauce of income.

You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.

What did the real estate agent who moonlights in photography tell his client?
“I’m not a photographer, but I can picture you in this house.”

Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.

How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.

If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.

My business creating men’s shirts out of vegetables has gone bankrupt. There just weren’t enough guys wanting crop tops.

Diamond companies
mine their own business

I know an introverted entrepreneur in the coal industry.
He mined his own business.

If my career in balloon animals doesn't work, I'll start a honey farming company.
It's my Plan Bee.

If I want to save money to plant bushes on my lawn, should I invest in a hedge fund?

My cashew business is doing so well, I was able to hire someone to do deliveries. He drives me nuts.

My first job was at a metal container manufacturer, but I got canned.
Then I worked at a company that produced glow-in-the-dark flags. It was a fly-by-night business.
Lastly, I started an aircraft design company, however it never got off the ground.

The hardest part of a business, is minding your own.

A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

I'm working on making my 2nd million dollars. I gave up on the 1st million.

I tried to get some storm insurance for my campsite, but I was denied.

They said that if my tents get blown away, I won’t be covered.

MARKETING QUESTION
Do soap manufacturers have more success targeting those who are dirt poor or filthy rich?

Ran into a realtor friend of mine and asked her, "House it going?"

FUN Fact:
You should delete your browser cookies before buying airline tickets - Ticket fares go up when you’ve visited a site multiple times.

I asked a real estate agent how much it would cost to buy a hockey stadium. But she said she could only give me a ballpark estimate.

Build assets with your time.

Then buy time with your assets.

A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

I'm trying to sell rain covers for traders' stalls, but the market is already saturated.

I've had to close down my business making benchtops... It was counter productive.

Whenever my boss says the word "commerce", we know he means buisness.

I wrote a novel about Wall Street traders. It was a work of speculative fiction.

Boss: How can we keep the office clean?
Me: By staying at home.

I started my puncture repair business from a small flat.

Underrated investing strategy:
Know when a stock is going to go 1,000x. Buy it right before.

Planning to start a jewellery business. If you want to help, give me a ring.

How is the egg producing business?
It's not all it's cracked up to be.

I just bought a carpet company! It's a floored business.

I bought some antique speakers.

It was a sound investment.