Jokes about history, historical fun !

Me: I'm tired of being single

Friend: then become a history teacher

Me: why?

Friend: to find fun dates

The Middle Ages were called the Dark Ages because there were too many knights.

For Sale; French WW2 rifle
Never been fired, only dropped once.

I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.

General Lee was generally a good general!

The Greeks invented threesomes.

The Romans added the women.

Failed history because I forgot everything we learned.
I guess I’m doomed to repeat it.

My body is like a Greek Temple
In ruins.

Many Roman soldiers had to deal with Britanny spears.

How did King Tutankhamun attract Ankhesenpaaton, you ask?

Probably pharaohmones.

At the barbecue Joan of Arc made an ash of herself in screaming that she wanted her stake medium rare.

A Roman centurion kidnapped a member of a tribe of barbarians and offered to trade him for a Roman prisoner. The barbarian chief said, I can't believe you have the Gaul to do that!!

Can Napoleon return to his place of birth? Of Corsican.

The ancient Greeks buried the dead with coins to pay for transport across the River Styx . This was the first cryptocurrency .

Most people know of the Greek Goddess of Love, Aphrodite. Less well known is her older, more practical sister, the Goddess of Getting Things Done, Expedite.

What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.

What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.

Roman soldiers are trained.

But Vikings are Bjorn.

Antique clocks with no hands are timeless masterpieces.

Eventually Genghis Khan controlled a vast region, but at the beginning he had to take it one steppe at a time.

There was a Roman emperor who never aged after he turned 13. His name was Constant Teen.

How did the pharaohs become so wealthy? They were running huge pyramid schemes.

For Sale; French WW2 rifle
Never been fired, only dropped once.

History is a bit sexist…

…I mean, we should be learning about herstory too.

I'm really getting bored watching the History Channel... There's never anything new on.

Just found out how the Red Sea got its name. Cleopatra used to swim in it…… Periodically.

In Ancient Egypt, many children were confused when their daddy became a mummy...

I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.

The women who married Henry The VIII clearly had lost their heads!

Our furniture goes back to Louis the 15th.
That is, unless we pay Louis by the 14th.

history: itself. itself. itself. itself. itself. itself. itself. itself. itself.

What subject did the snake learn in school on Monday? Hiss-tory!

Why did Cleopatra bathe in milk? She couldn’t find a cow tall enough to have a shower.

History does not repeat itself, -- historians merely repeat each other.

Q: Where did King Arthur buy his camels?
A: Camelot!!

Q: What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?
A: I don't know, I wasn't invited!

Napoleon didn’t design the coat he wore, but he had a hand in it.

It's been established that Napoléon Bonaparte once yelled out, 'Hey Jo! - there's no water in the loo'! The rest is his story,...

How do Greek gods
play the drums?

They use Styx.

The ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to 'laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series' as a "marathon".

In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum known as the Caesarian section.

During the bronze age, everyone in the Olympics came in third.

What happened when the wheel was invented? ... It caused a revolution

Did you know that ancient Greeks would shave their heads before the Olympics to run faster?
Modern historians call it balderdash.

In Roman times peas were rare and expensive. You were only allowed to buy 6 at a time.
They were VIPs.

What song would be appropriate if all King Arthur's men found love?
No More Lonely Knights!!

Why can’t the British pronounce the ‘T’ in they’re name???
They lost all they’re ‘Tea’ in Boston!

Why was King Arthur's army too tired to fight?
It had too many sleepless knights.

Eventually Genghis Khan controlled a vast region, but at the beginning he had to take it one steppe at a time.

I got a Louis XV style clock with a bird chime. It's a rocuckoo clock.

If you're going to tell me about feudal Japan, I'm going to need you to samurais it for me.

How did King Tut make all his money? From a pyramid scheme...

When did Julius Caesar die?
A few days before his funeral.

William Tell talking to his son,
"Do you know anyone who's good at shooting arrows?"
"Not off the top of my head Dad".