Random literature joke:

I wrote a book about oysters. It’s been nominated for a Pearlitzer.

Literature jokes collection.

Selected literature jokes:

If Henry Ford wrote a book, I’m sure it would be an auto-biography.

I'm writing a kitchen based book for dumb people, it's called Counter Intelligence.

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a Martini.

The barman asks, "Olive or twist?"

How do you start a book about ducks?
With an introducktion.

More literature jokes...

what outdoor game does Jekyll like?
Hyde and seek.

I went to the library today to find a new book about Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat, that went on a road trip together. The librarian said "It rings a bell, but I'm not sure if it is there or not?"

I read a story about pig anatomy. It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.

I couldn’t get a reservation at the local library.
Know why?
…wait for it…
They were fully booked!

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
She ran away from the ball.

Got a book from the library on Stockholm Syndrome. Didn't like it at first, but by the end I thought it was great.

My editor worked really hard on my book about Podiatry, especially the foot notes.

I just read David Copperfield by Charles Dickens, not a mention about his magic tricks.

My friend asked if I could help him write a bedtime story for his kids.
I thought "what a novel idea".

I just read that Little Red Riding Hood has just been found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she's not out of the woods yet.

Writing fairy tales can be a Grimm business!

Why are Sherlock Holmes taxes so low? He's a master of deduction.

Holmes, where do lemons come from?
A lemon tree, my dear Watson.

My father had very poor hearing. When I tried to ask him who Sherlock Holmes’ partner was, all he could say in reply was “What, son?”

I’m reading a great book about an immortal dog – I’m finding it impossible to put down.

I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig.

It's not a beautiful poem, but it is very deep.

I've just written a book on cats!
Although it would have been so much easier if I'd written it on paper.

What do you call a book written by a nun?


Why does Sherlock Holmes love Mexican restaurants?
They give him good case ideas.

How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking.
Jk! Rowling.

What's a bee's favorite novel?

The Great Gats-bee.

Have you read the book 'The Ultimate Basement'?

Should be a best cellar...

I’ve got a very old pencil, that was once owned by William Shakespeare. But he chewed the end, so I can’t tell if it’s 2b or not 2b.

Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday.

I'm currently reading a book called: 'Swimming the English Channel'...
by Francis Near.

I'm killing off a couple of characters in the book I'm writing.

It should spice up my auto-biography.

I gave up writing a book on swear words in braille, it just felt wrong.

"The very existence of libraries affords the best evidence that we may yet have hope for the future of man."
~T.S. Eliot

Teacher: “If Shakespeare were alive today, what would he be most famous for?”

Pupil: “His Age.”

Many years ago I had this crazy idea about writing a novel about the Civil War but then suddenly it was all gone with the wind.

What building in New York has the most stories?
The Public Library.

"All great literature is one of two stories; a man goes on a journey Or a stranger comes to town."
-Leo Tolstoy

A chicken published a book titled "Poultry in Motion: How I Crossed the Road and Got to the Other Side", and she received the Pulletzer Prize award.

Many people think that Edgar Allan Poe was a raven madman.

“All poets write bad poetry. Bad poets publish them, good poets burn them.”
Umberto Eco

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn't be allowed to talk.

Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday.

I recently bought a manual on philosophy.
But Immanuel Kant explain it properly.

Bell, Bark and Kennel, a novel by Ivan Pavlov, chronicles the birth of the Salivation Army.

I've taken up speed reading.
Last night i read Harry Potter in 20 seconds.
I know its only 2 words but its a start.

The library book that was left outside overnight is now over dew.

I wrote a book about basements.
It made the Best Cellars list.

What did they yell at Edgar Allen Poe as he was walking into a tree?

Poe a tree.

Teacher: Can anyone give me a concise summary of Lord of The Rings?
Johnny: Small people return stolen jewellery.

Why was Dr Watson so smart?? He was Holmes schooled.

Just finished reading a book called 'The Amazing Basement'.
It's a Best Cellar.

Just fell off the ladder while I was dusting my bookshelf, taking all my Charles Dickens novels with me.

I've fallen on hard times...

BREAKING. Little Red Riding Hood has been found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her...

But she's not out of the woods yet!

The Hunchback of Notre Dame retired today.
He received two years back pay, a lump sum, and a case of Bells.

" We are writers, my love.
We don't cry, we bleed on papers."

A prospective husband goes into a book shop “Do you have a book called, ‘Husband – the Master of the House’?
Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!”.

I used to be a bookworm.
Then I discovered books on tape.
Now I'm a tapeworm.

I just finished a book on Stockholm syndrome. It was awful at first, but by the end, I kind of loved it.

I'm reading a romantic book in braille, its a touching story.

I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig,they dig.
It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.

Why does Hamlet take so long in the bathroom? Because he can't decide to pee, or not to pee.

If Henry Ford wrote a book, I’m sure it would be an auto-biography.

Every book you read is just a remix of the dictionary.

I was in a psychiatric hospital once, visiting. One of the patients recognized me:
“You're Charles Bukowski, aren't you?” he asked.
He read all my books. Maybe that's why he was there.

'You go on ahead. I'll catch you up.' is Agatha Christie for 'I'm going to stay here and get murdered.'.

I read a book called The Swimming Pool. It started out rather shallow but had a very deep end.

Librarian: Can I help you?
Me: Yeah, I'm looking for a book about-
Librarian: Being psychic?
Me: No...
Librarian: One day that will work.

Shakespeare walks into a bar!
Landlord says
"Get out ya bard".

The Main difference between a horror novel, and a graveyard? One has more plots.

I wrote a book about all the things that I ought to do before I die. I call it "My Oughtabiography."

I can’t stop eating Dostoevsky novels. I’m a glutton for Crime and Punishment.

Just finished reading a book on Lubricants.

It was non-friction.

If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.

Last night I read War and Peace in 20 seconds.
I know it's only three words, but it's a start.

Would a book club in prison be called prose and cons?

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