200+ Grammar Police and Grammar Nazies Jokes !

Houses should be referred to in the feminine, because they all have address.

I wanted to buy my friend a meaningful birthday gift, so I bought her a dictionary.

"Wyoming"

The "w" is definitely silent.

"What is the only word that English teachers will always spell wrong?"
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...
...
"Wrong."

Dad: What annoys you most, son?
Son: Nouns.
Dad: Nouns???
Son: Yeah...People, Places & Things.

I hate people who use the same word twice in the same sentence. I mean .. enough is enough!!

"Dad, what's a preposition?"
"A preposition is a word that you never, ever end a sentence with."

My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.

Me: Can we change the subject?

My wife: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron... which is ironic.

Color vs Colour, Favorite vs Favourite, Neighbor vs Neighbour
British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words.
American English: no u.

I hate it when people get simple sayings wrong.
I mean it's not rocket surgery!

Is buttcheeks one word or should I spread them apart?

People who confuse entomology and etymology bug me more than I can put into words.

A bomb has been discovered hidden inside a can of alphabetti spaghetti...if that had gone off it could have spelt disaster.

I don’t like the letter ‘n’. It always has to be the centre of attention.

The comma sutra makes grammar sexy.

Why do words and punctuation end up in court? To be sentenced.

I before e, except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor.

Why did the run-on sentence think it was pregnant? Its period was late.

How do you comfort a grammar snob? “There, their, they’re.”

The passive voice is to be avoided.

What do you call Santa’s little helpers? Subordinate clauses.

Double negatives are a big no-no.

I’m so adjective, I verb noun.

What dinosaur knows a lot of synonyms? A thesaurus.

What’s the difference between cats and a comma? Cats have claws at the end of their paws and commas are a pause at the end of a clause.

What did the period say to the sentence? We better stop now!

A teacher asked the class to give a word that contains all the vowels. The twins in the back facetiously said, "Simultaneously!"

The teacher then asked the class to give a word with all the vowels in alphabetical order. The twins simultaneously responded, "Facetiously!"

"What is the only word that English teachers will always spell wrong?"
...
...
...
"Wrong."

"I’ll never date an apostrophe again. He was so possessive."

"What did the intransitive verb say when told it was pretty?"

"Nothing. Intransitive verbs can’t take complements."

“Let’s eat Grandma!”

“Let’s eat, Grandma!”

Punctuation saves lives.

"A word in this sentence is misspelled."

"An ancient Egyptian student is chiseling his essay into a stone. His teacher comes over and says, 'No, you should never end a sentence with an ox.'"

"Which word is shorter when you add two letters to it?"

"Short."

"I’ve always taken pride in knowing how to use a semicolon; damn."

"It’s funny how full stops are known as periods in the US. Ask any girl, it’s never a full stop."

"Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes?"
"They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions."

"Why wouldn't the pronoun go out with the noun?"

"He kept propositioning her."

"There’s a big difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit."

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"To."

"To who?"

"To whom!"

"There are three things that I love: the Oxford comma, irony, and missed opportunities."