Random geek joke:
It really bothers me how the bishop at my church never moves diagonally.
Selected geek jokes:
Real life's what happens while you're waiting for your phone to charge.
People love air-conditioning because it’s cool.
People hate vacuuming because it sucks.
“Engineering is the art and science of nuts and bolts.”
—Haresh Sippy
Centigrade, Fahrenheit and Kelvin, I trust them all with varying degrees.
More geek jokes...
I went into an electrical shop and I said, Can someone sell me a kettle?
The guy said, Kenwood?
I said, Where is he then?
Old rotary phones were much better equipped to handle drama.
The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, television, and tell a woman.
I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office.
It improved my outlook.
I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so Im dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.
A broom is just an acoustic vacuum.
NO I’M NOT ANGRY. I’M JUST OLD AND DON’T KNOW HOW TO TURN OFF CAPSLOCK ON MY NEW PHONE!
In the old west, they would mount a lantern on their horse for traveling at night. It was the 1st form of saddle light navigation.
A farmer brought Photoshop, but couldn't crop..
Afterall it was not his field..
I listen to the talk radio with such frequency that my ear Hertz.
Led Zeppelin uses 80% less energy than Incandescent Zeppelin.
I opened my water and electric bill at the same time, and boy, was I shocked...
I am going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they muck up I will just hit them all at once.
Fuck flowers! Buy her batteries, they last longer.
Just worked out that a megaphone is one million million microphones.
What do conspiracy theorists and Excel have in common?
They spreadsheet.
TVs are like “am I the only one that keeps my resolution”
I'm going to re-wire my house in 2022.
That's my current plan.
How would a proud computer dad introduce his son?
A microchip off the old block.
First Rule of the Navy Boiler Tech: If all else fails, get a bigger hammer.
Mortgage: n. A device to measure the density of the people named Mort.
People love air-conditioning because it’s cool.
People hate vacuuming because it sucks.
I have a stereo to give away. I would sell it, but the bass dial doesn’t work, so it’s more treble than it’s worth.
Nobody:
Person w/ 2 Monitors: “Let me drag this over to my second monitor.”
God, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.
991: Never take rides with strangers
2021: Here is an app for taking rides with strangers
I'm "I used to burn CDs" years old.
Did you hear about the microphone checker that got really drunk? He had one two one two one two many.
The human body makes enough electricity to scream at your husband for not putting the bins out.
The company that provides my VPN is anon profit organisation.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
My email wasn't working this morning so I asked my magic 8 ball why...
It said "outlook not so good."
REALLY UPSET I lost my volume knob on my FAVORITE stereo.
I am REALLY hoping it will...turn up soon.
Made a small gesture of appreciation towards my oven the other day. It was a micro wave.
Using VPN is great until the language change to Chinese.
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
How does a cell phone get drunk? It takes screenshots.
Did you hear about the microphone checker that got really drunk? He had one two one two one two many.
Find someone who cares about you as much as gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.
Doesanyoneknowwhatthelongbuttonatthebottomofthekeyboardisfor?
I dropped my phone in some pastry without noticing and put it in the oven. I made an Apple pie.
My new smartphone thinks I’m a good photographer. I took one photo with the camera, and it asked me if I want to open a gallery.
Taking off your glasses to focus on thinking is the human version of lowering graphics to increase speed
A screwdriver makes a better hammer than a hammer makes a screwdriver.
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a color photo of a panda or a zebra.
Curious that it's always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it's urgent.
An IT specialist died today, after a shelf full of routers fell on him.
It was an unexpected LAN slide.
Was chasing a hacker but he got away. I think he ransomware.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn't do anything except send me notices that there's a new version of itself.
We are all time travelers... moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.
I don't know who needs to know this but the youngest picture you have of yourself is ALSO the oldest picture you have of yourself.
Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it.
Just got an SMS just saying “nabg”. That’s bang out of order.
How do you confuse a miner?
Put two shovels against the wall and tell him to take his pick.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.
A saw and a hammer go into a bar and some other tools join them; the saw turns to the hammer and says ‘You know the drill, don’t you?’
People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.
I don't know who needs to know this but if you swallowed a tool, it would be gut wrenching.
I'd kill for a microwave that plays Europe's “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it'll work again.
My Eastern European friend got a job at AT&T. Now he's a telephone Pole.
It’s kind of ironic that computers now ask humans to prove they’re not robots.
Green is my favorite color, I like it more than Blue and Yellow combined.
ɐᴉlɐɹʇsn∀ ɯoɹɟ pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ᴉ ǝɯᴉʇ ʇsɐl ǝɥʇ sᴉ sᴉɥʇ
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
I'll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn't just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
Someone figured out my password.
Now I have to rename my dog.
I just punched my computer, i was giving tech-knuckle support.
People asked me how it feels when you stick your finger in an electrical outlet? To be honest, it Hertz.