Tech Geek Jokes: Embrace Your Inner Geek and Laugh at Yourself!

Surely a robot can figure out how to tick a box on a website saying’ I am not a robot’
I’ve seen Terminator 2 and that one could fly a helicopter.

Password is: ‘sunburnthead’
No caps.

The Infectious Diseases ward of my local hospital has great wifi because of all the hot spots.

Me looking at my wife's labor and delivery bills:
"You're the most expensive 3D printer I've ever seen."

I was cryogenically frozen for a while, then somebody woke me up early.
I really lost my cool.

My cellphone accidentally took a 10 min video of my shoes yesterday.
It was some pretty good footage...

I DON'T READ ANY INSTRUCTIONS!
I just press buttons and wait until it does what I want.

My problem with drinking battery acid got so bad I started
attending AA meetings.

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There’s a knob called brightness, but it doesn’t work!

I have one of those 3D Kindles.
Also called a book.

When I heard someone had found my headphones I was so happy, it was like music to my ears.

My new voicemail: If you've reached this recording, please hang up and text me because I haven't checked my voicemail since 2005.

Did you hear about the satellite that crashed into the sun?
It got a warm reception.

I used Avengers as my password and the computer said it had too many characters.

If you are not supposed to drink WD40, then why does it come with a straw?

I'm heading to Greenwich later tonight.

Wondering what I should do in the Mean Time? 🤔

Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?

I made my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.

Why does a smart phone need glasses ??
It lost all its contacts ....

"Your password is weak."
Well so is my memory so please let me keep it.

Waitress: 'Do you have any questions about the menu?'
Me: 'What kind of font is this?'

A font meets a friend in Rome and asks "are you a Roman too?” “No, but I am an Italic..."

My friend claims that he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed. I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.
I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

Technically Moses was the first man to download files from the Cloud...
....using a tablet.

When I was in school, I had a teacher named Mr. Morse. I didn't do well in his class because he always spoke in code...

Is there much difference in virtual reality and reality? Virtually none!

Electrons don't really like protons because they're always negative.

I have a car with an automatic transmission, but they gave me an owners manual. Where do I get an owners automatic?

I gave my wife a length of yellow and green shrouded wire for her birthday.

Well, I did promise her the earth...

So this bloke was showing his mate his new golf ball.
He said, "This golf ball is state of the art!"
"You just can't lose this ball, if it goes in the rough it beeps, it glows in the dark, it floats in water and has an inbuilt G.P.S.."
His mate asked, "Where did you get it from?"
He said, "I Found it".

Interviewer: sir, how patient are you?
Me: I use 2G network.

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

I tried buying a train ticket online.
Each time it said: ‘Where do you want to go?’, I clicked on the “Home” icon.
It then made me start all over again.

Things I use duct tape for, by percentage:
Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%.

You know every phone number. You just don't know which number belongs to whom.

I asked my son to go get me a phone book.
He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.

The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!

People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.

10 Things not to do on an Electric fence: #1 will shock you

What’s the difference between an electrician and god?……
God doesn’t think he’s an electrician.

My new password is: MickeyMinnieGoofyDonaldPlutoHueyLouieDeweyDublin.

Because my computer said it had to contain 8 characters, and at least one capital.

Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"

Has anyone else used WD40 to get rid of mice? It doesn’t work but it stops them squeaking.

The best thing about the internet is that you can claim credit for things you had no part in.
It’s one of the reasons I invented it.

Toaster Settings:

1) Nothing.

2) Nothing.

3) SET THE BREAD ON FIRE !

Q: How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
A: He gave her a ring.

I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn't reach very far.

What if birds are just drones and they sit on electric wire to recharge ?

Scientists recently discovered a feline-like creature living on Mars! Unfortunately, one of their rovers ran it over…
Curiosity killed the cat.

I read somewhere that WD40 is good for keeping mice out of the garden. Well I tried it and it doesn't work, however they have now stopped squeaking.

Why do laptops overheat
even though they have windows in them?

I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.

It's not that I accept the Terms and Conditions. It's just that I would rather not spend the rest of my life reading them.

A key ring is a useful device that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

What do you call an alligator with GPS?
A NAVI-gator.

What do you call a medieval warrior who uses WD-40 on his armor?
A silent knight....

A researcher's obsession with mixing sand, stones, lime, and water has started to yield concrete results.

Why does escalator maintenance take so long?
….it is a step by step process

How does a computer get drunk?
It takes screen shots.

How much do you have to wind up or annoy glass before it is tempered? 🤔