Mystical Jokes: Unleashing the enchantment of laughter.

Me:I saw a wolf outside tonight!
Her:Where?
Me:No,the regular kind

Why don't monsters eat ghosts?

They taste like sheet.

Do not drink with ghosts, they can’t handle their boos..

Where does a ghost shop for alcohol?
At Total Wine and Spirits.

Why don't monsters eat ghosts?

Because they taste like sheet..

Never use a Ouija board to contact a dyslexic spirit.
It's too hard.

Once there was this Whichdoctor, he walked barefoot most of the time which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little and the food gave him bad breath. Which made him (wait for it), A Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed.

After watching a few zombie films I've come to the conclusion that I would be a cameraman in the event of a zombie-apocalypse.
They never seem to attack them.

What do you call a happy wizard who makes eyeglasses?
Opti-Mystic.

I want to open a religious store called Mysterious Ways...
...just so I can watch God work.

There is a mysterious crime spree going on at our local IKEA.
The cops are having a hard time putting the pieces together.

I have achieved immortality
I found a mysterious lamp and sure enough there was a genie inside.

I wished that I won't die a virgin.

What do you call a virus that causes mysterious deaths?
Coroner virus.

Women always find me interesting and mysterious on the first date...
I knew that the fog machine under the table was a good idea!

My last girlfriend left me for being unnecessarily mysterious, or did she?

A boy is struggling with his exams...
He catches a lucky break when, as he is walking home one day, he finds a mystical lamp on the side of the road. He rubs the side of the lamp and a genie pops out.
"You may have any item you desire, simply name it." The genie says.
The boy thinks for a second then exclaims,
"I'd like some kind of concealable item that will grant me infinite wisdom."
"As you wish, press the top of this pen and what you desire shall be yours."
The boy takes the pen and is overjoyed, with this pen he'll never have to study again!

His next exam comes around and he walks into the school hall with confidence. He sits at his desk as others around him fidget nervously.

When the papers are handed out, he holds the pen up and triumphantly lowers his thumb over the lever as it produces an audible click.

And in his infinite wisdom he suddenly states with absolute clarity:
*"I should have studied!!!"*

Three friends - two men and a blonde woman - are exploring the African wilderness.

They come across a mystical looking place with a really long slide. The slide has a sign next to it that reads, "Welcome travellers to the slide of dreams. Take a ride! As you get to the bottom of the slide shout out what you wish to slide into."

So the first man goes and as he gets to the bottom shouts "marshmellows!", and he lands into a huge bed of marsh mellows.

The second man hears his friend's glee and decides to give it a go. As he gets to the bottom he shouts "cash!", and he lands into a huge bed of $100 dollar notes.

The blonde sees everyone seems to be having heaps of fun decides to give it a go as well. As she gets to the bottom she gets incredibly excited and shouts "weeeeeeeee!"

Two ancient statues in a Roman park had been locking eyes for over 1000 years, their bodies arched toward each other with the promise of a warm embrace. One day a mystical gypsy woman stumbled upon the statues in the park and had an idea.

She used her dark gypsy ways to bring the statues to life promising them an hour to do what they will before they once again must stand still for the rest of time.

Eagerly they took each other's hand and rushed into the bushes. The gypsy smiled as she heard giggling delight and the undeniable sounds of pleasure from near by.

Soon the gypsy heard the female statue crying aloud "I'm going to get one IM GOING to GET ONE!..... Oh Yess I got it!"

To which the male statue replied "Good, hold that dirty pigeon down while I shit on its head."

There was a man who had a 28-inch dick.
He was tired with all the inconveniences that came with it and no doctor was able to help him. Desperate, he went to talk to the village witch. The witch said, "Go to the Seventh Mountain and look for the Mystical Frog. He can speak; you just need him to mutter the word 'no' and your dick will shrink by 7 inches."

So the man traveled there and, sure enough, he found the Mystical Frog meditating. He went over to the frog and said, "Hey Frog, let's you and I have sex!" The frog was shocked and replied, "What the hell's your problem? NO!" The man's dick shrunk by 7-inches; things were looking good.

He asked the frog again, "Come on, Froggy, let's get it on!" to which the frog replied, "Did you not hear me just now??? I said NO!" and his dick shrunk by another 7-inches. At this point, the man just needed to make the frog say it one more time so that he'll have just the perfect size. "Come on, buddy. Let's do it! You know you want to!"

The frog turned red with rage and angrily shouted, "What is wrong with you? How many times do I have to repeat myself? I said NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!"

I was surprised when my dad revealed he was a mystical chemist...
He said that the world was ending and I was the only one to stop it. He handed me a blue and yellow pill and told me to swallow it. Reluctantly, I swallowed it in a big, hard gulp.

Suddenly, my legs started to run away and everything became small. I even crashed through the roof!

A dark presence started hitting my dad! He lay on the floor, shaking and aching.

"Dad! No!" I shouted, "but I'll get him back, I promise, I'm huge!"

My dad, laying in pain, whispered with his last, trembling breath...

"H-hey Huge, I'm d-dad..."

My Eastern philosophy guru told me ...
"To grow in enlightenment, you must live in harmony with the mystical Source of everything."

"Wait," I said. "I thought you told me last week that enlightenment came from sudden bursts of insight when meditating on a koan."

"Well," he replied, "that was Zen. This is Tao."

What did the mystical fire breathing beast say when he was really tired getting out of bed?
"Man, I'm really dragon this morning!"