250+ Brilliant Jokes about programmers, programming and computers !

I called tech support and said I was having trouble finding a good app for writing essays. The guy said “Word.” OK, I’m glad he sympathizes, but it doesn’t answer my question.

If you listen to a UNIX shell, can you hear the C?

- Why documentation is like sex?
- Every programmer want it, very few have it.

Programming is not learning to code, it's starting to code.

Programming is 10% writing code and 90% understanding why it’s not working.

If you don't know what recursion is, go back and reread this.

Pro tip: People give you their money if you call linear algebra "artificial intelligence"

ChatGPT is a woman because she know everything and she's always right.

Behind every great ML model, there is an even greater training dataset.

"The best error message is the one that never shows up."

- Thomas Fuchs

Did you know Harry Potter is a developer?

He is fluent in python.

Linux isn't free.

You have to pay attention.

Q: What's the difference between git and github?

A: It's the difference between porn and pornhub.

What's JavaScript's son's name?

JSON .

She's Not Just SQL.
She's MySQL.

I am single because i believed java is better than python.

How is a system update similar to cumming?

If you don't do them for a while, both just happen when you sleep.

Don't date JavaScript developers. They'll take your number and never CALLBACK.

How do you seduce a female programmer?
1: Be proficient in Python;
2: Have a big python.

Due to COVID19, all TCP applications are being converted to UDP to avoid handshakes.

"Software and cathedrals are much the same – first we build them, then we pray."
- Sam Redwine

What did the IT support guy do yesterday after eating Taco Bell?
He troubleshat.

Linux problems? Be root!
Windows problems? Reboot!
MacOS problems? Rebuy!

Surgeons that install butt implants are technically backend developers.

If you ever feel useless, remember that there's GUI client for Git.

"Nobody here touched anything..."

-Lying Ass End Users

A SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. He walks up to them and says 'Can I join you?'

How does everyone pronounce router?

Is it router or router?

How do you eat a hard drive?

One byte at a time!

I've got no home, no control, and no escape.
Guess it's time for me to get a new keyboard.

Junior developer: There's a bug in my code, Please help me.
Senior developer: (looks at the code) You are the bug.

Went for a job as network engineer. Working for a company that tracked sex offenders. They asked, 'What is a VPN?'. With hindsight visible panty nickers was not a good answer.

SELECT * FROM PEOPLE WHERE SOMEONE LIKE YOU

What happens when a computer is crossed with a ballet dancer?
The Netcracker suite.

Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking.

Baby are you a SQL database? cause I wanna INSERT some data into you!

Two FBI agents search an office and find a hard drive with "KGB" on it...
One of the agents asks the other, "Why didn't they just write '1 TB' instead?"

Don’t take a computer on a road trip, it’ll be a hard drive.

Life is too short to code in C++.

It's actually bad luck to say MacBook inside an office. You have to call it 'The Scottish Laptop'

The computer can beat me at maths but I can put the computer in the trash.

Declare var
Not
WAR

Which language does God code in?

C

Because God Cs everything.

I like to watch F5, it’s like F1 but more refreshing.

I put some horns on my laptop because it needed more ram!

Sometimes I wish there was a backspace key for my mouth.

As an IT person, I rarely know how to fix your issue… I’m just better at Google than you are.

I have a PHP joke; but I am afraid that if I "POST" it, you won't "GET" it

Sex is like software: For every one who pays for it there are hundreds getting it for free.

If there's one software you used the most but didn't pay for, what was it and why is it Winrar?

The box said 'Requires Windows 10 or better'.

So I installed Linux.

If my 'life' was a variable then I would take 'you' as the constant.

The H in programming stands for happiness.

“This one I’ll definitely remember.”

*Me creating a new password*

Data science be like:

5% coding.
95% waiting for your code to finish running.

My laptop is cold.
I think I left windows open.

I’m trying my hand at computer hacking, but I think I need a larger machete.

I am going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they muck up I will just hit them all at once.

I'm addicted to pressing the F1 key on my computer. I'm trying to get help.

I’ve been working on a fitness app for insects.

I’m still trying to work out the bugs.

How does a nonbinary samurai kill people?

They slash them.

How much memory does a mountain goat have?

About 4 legs of RAM.

If you hold the Unix shell up to your ear...
You hear the C.

He: You are the ';' to my code.
She: I code in Python.

I've created a writing software to rival microsoft.
It’s their Word against mine.

“ Code is like humor. When you have to explain it, it’s bad.”

3 Rules of Programmer:
1.If your code works don't touch it.
2.If your code works don't touch it.
3.If your code works don't touch it.

Did you know?
Stack overflow developers
Developed the stack overflow without the help of stack overflow.

Q: Why was the computer so tired after his road trip?
A: He had a hard drive.

She: My boyfriend is a programmer he will hack your world into Oblivion.

The boyfriend: How to declare variable in HTML.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

"Computers in the future may have only 1000 vacuum tubes and perhaps weigh only 1.5 tons."
Popular Mechanics, 1949

BEHIND every successful programmer
There is no girlfriend.

The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.