Grammar Police and Grammar Nazies Jokes !

"What did the intransitive verb say when told it was pretty?"

"Nothing. Intransitive verbs can’t take complements."

If you take the R out of varnish, it mysteriously vanishes.

I used to have trouble with grammatical tenses, but not yet.

Why is there no "i" in eye?.....
Y is there, no "i" in eye...

In Hell, you're surrounded by people saying "libarry" and "nucular."

My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there will be autocorrect and for that I am eternally grapefruit.

It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.

In hell you're surrounded by people saving "Ekspecially" and "Irregardless".

The correct way to spell "hats" is HATS because it's all caps.

Pre-means before.
Post- means after.
To use both prefixes together would be preposterous.

Doctor: I’m very sorry but I’m going to have to remove your colon

Me That’s ok

The letter C went to see the sea. The letter C saw the sea and said, "It looks so icy. Brr!"

I’ll never date another apostrophe.
The last one was too possessive.

I’ve learned 99% of the English language. I’m almost their.

If you need any help in English,
I'm always hair.

A comma and an apostrophe went to couples therapy. Even though the apostrophe was being possessive, the comma didn't want to end things.

What word becomes shorter if you add two letters?

Short.

Ironic that the two o's in cooperate insisted on having their own separate sounds.

In "Laughter" the "L" comes first... the rest of the letters come aughter it.

Me : "I love u"
She : "Oh, really?"
Me : "Yes, it's my favourite vowel"

He left me because of my English but I doesn't care.

I hate people who use deep English just to make us feel intoxicated by exaberance of verbosity betaprotal contraction.

You can correct people's grammar or you can have friends but you can't do both.

For those struggling with English:
Don't = Do Not
Won't = Wo Not
You're welcome.

How to get laid: lay on bed, wait two hours, lay becomes past tense.

How do you spell candy with 2 letters?

C and Y...

Asking for the last time, what is k doing in knife ?

It doesnt matter if you dont know what prefix means, its not the end of the word.

I just found the middle of nowhere.
It's the letter 'h'.

I’ve been told that “icy” is the easiest word in the world to spell. Now that I look at it, I see why.

Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I'm not sure what it means.

Long is shorter than short.
Short is longer than long.
What the . . .

I didn't know how to spell 'plagiarised' so I copied and pasted it.....

My wife and I were talking of gender , and pronouns,
She said she identifys as “ she/ her”, because she is a female
and that I should Idenitify as “ he/haw”
Because I’m a jackass.

WARNING: If you get a link called 'free porn' dont opin it. It is a birus wich deactivates your spelcheck and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it.

Plaese warm yu frends!

She : Your grammar's pathetic.

Me : Oh yeah? Well, your grandpa's no better either.

I bought a book on capitalism...
but then returned it because some of the letters were in lower-case.

How do you get rid of capitalism?
Just get rid of the shift and caps lock keys.

People sometimes confuse the plural
of octopus. It’s one octopus, two
octopuses, 3.14 octopi.

I spent ages trying to spell Inconsequential before I realized it's not that important.

There are two typos of people in the world. Those who notice spelling errors and those who don’t.

One spelling mistake and my wife is all upset. All I wrote was: Having a great time, wish you were her.

I’ve learned 99% of the English language. I’m almost their.

Dear autocorrect,
thats not what i was trying to say.

Im getting tired of ur shirt.

FUN Fact:
The word "listen" has the same letters as the word "silent".

I was terrible at spelling when I was at school.
Brilliant at jografy though.

QUESTION: Why is there no letter "w" in the word "one", but there is a "w" in the word "two" and we don't use it?

English is difficult to learn. Sometimes, opposite words mean the same! A 'slim chance' and a 'fat chance' have the same meaning!

"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.

The correct way to spell "hats" is HATS because it's all caps.

I asked a pirate what makes him the angriest?

he said when someone steals his p...

I think it is fascinating that the word, NOEL, actually does have an L in it.

I'm just pondering: Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosylabic"?

English will always be a problem to me,
until I find that letter 'J' in soldier.