Where Wit and Science Collide!

Now, before we get too carried away with scientific hilarity, let's remember that these jokes are meant to lighten the mood and bring a smile to our faces. They remind us that even in the world of equations and experiments, laughter is the universal language.
Just remember to keep your safety goggles on and your lab coat buttoned up, because in the world of science jokes, the laughter is highly contagious, and the fun is exponential!

Weird Jokes.

Let your inner nerd shine.

Chemistry is like my acting career, sometimes it's explosive and other times it just fizzles out.
- Lindsay Lohan

Physics ? Oh, you mean that thing where I defy gravity every time I walk down a runway?
- Gisele Bündchen

Physics is just spicy math.

The problem with following the science is that quite often, the science follows the money.

“Using a term like nonlinear science is like referring to the bulk of zoology as the study of non-elephant animals.”
– Stanislaw Ulam

Everybody who says they want to go to space is already in space because the earth is in space.

Teacher. "What's the centre of gravity?"
Me; " V."

A radioactive cat has 18 half-lives.

The universe is comprised of protons, electrons, neutrons and, sadly, morons.

I’m not a biologist but I’m pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.

Physics is a way of misunderstanding nature at a much deeper level.

Recently scientists discovered a new species of a bat whose sperm is extremely poisonous.

They named it Mortal Cum Bat.

A bartender turned chemist experimented with barium!

Scientists have found bones on the moon. Apparently the cow didn't make it!!!

You'd think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they're being friendly, but really they steal each other's electrons.

How ionic.

Warning: May cause explosive laughter reactions!

Tried to buy a neutron the other day.
Guy behind the counter just gave it to me - no charge.

My ex-girlfriend and I still have a lot of chemistry between us.
Admittedly, it's the kind you get between acetone and hydrogen peroxide...

What does dwarf do when you throw him into water?

The nuclear physicist took a vacation for a fission trip.

When I say I love models, I mean statistical models.

He:- i heard you like bad guys?
He :- I'm bad at Physics.

NASA: We used to have a 9 planets but we now only have 8.
PLUTO : Stop telling everyone i'm not a
NASA: Sometimes we still hear its voice .

My new theory on inertia doesn't seem to be gaining momentum....

Newton got his job of physicist by an apple while doctors lose their job by it.

The "E" in the word Physics stands for Easy.

Anybody who believes in phrenology ought to have their head examined.

I'm so glad I convinced my daughter to not date this guy named Kelvin.
He's an absolute zero.

All archaeology proves is that our ancestors were skeletons and they lived underground.

Stars don't shine, they burn.

Geologists accept the earth's surface as it is..
Even with all its faults.

Warning: the laughter is positively electrifying!

*My body gets donated to science*

Science: Who do we talk to about a refund?

What fish is made from a pair of Sodium atoms?


A day without nuclear fusion is like...

A day without sunshine!

You're living. You occupy space, you have mass. Know what that means?
You matter.

Möbius strippers...
never show their backside.

After he invented the light bulb, people saw Edison in a new light.

A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.

A statistican is a man who comes to the rescue of figures that cannot lie for themselves.

Treat people like outliers. If they are too far from you, delete them.

For those of you lacking a uniform mixture of two or more substances, I have a solution.

A new element has been added to the periodic table designated with the letters AH. It is of course the element of surprise.

I have only 50k in my bank account but without the potassium.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

I can't speak for anyone else, but discussions about gravity really weigh me down.

I'm reading a book on the concept of
a vacuum. So far, the plot sucks.

Warning: atoms of comedy are constantly in motion and colliding to create hilarious reactions!

I'm writing a book called "Litres & Gallons". It's two volumes.

I wear my table of elements shirt periodically.

I took first prize at the science fair when I taught my hummingbird to ring a bell for food.
The judges said it was a real humdinger.

I had a debate with a flat-earther. He said he'd walk to the edge of the Earth to prove his point.

I'm sure he'll come around eventually.

I just read Thomas Edison's autobiography, it was quite illuminating

FUN Fact:
Female ferrets can die if they don't have enough sex.

Did you hear about the clumsy astronomer who banged his head on a telescope? Ironically, he saw stars.

Before I go to the archaeological dig site, I start my day with a small loaf of bread. I like that old-time rock…
& roll.

Another little known fact:. The odds of being struck by a meteorite are astronomical.

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

Scientists say it maybe possible to live on Mars.
Tried it for two months, gained a stone in weight and developed type 2 diabetes.

FUN Fact:
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal… until the pressure got to him…

FUN Fact:
For one moment in time, you were the youngest person in the world.

Here's a science question: If protons have mass, are they Catholic?

More Science Jokes on the following pages...