Random scientific joke:


Q, what does 2 say to 3 when they see 6 behaving like an idiot
A, "don't mind him he is just the product of our times"

Sarcastic jokes collection.


Selected scientific jokes:


"I know of only two things that are infinite. The universe and human stupidity..... and I'm uncertain about the universe".
Albert Einstein


What happened to all the good chemistry jokes?
They argon.


A man is walking down the street, carrying a dry cell and some sodium chloride. A police officer, upon seeing him, promptly arrested him. "Why are you arresting me?" the man protests. "The charge is salt and battery!", the officer replied.


Remove all electrons from your mind this year, in other words, stay positive.


More scientific jokes...


A bartender turned chemist experimented with barium!


Scientists have found bones on the moon. Apparently the cow didn't make it!!!


You'd think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they're being friendly, but really they steal each other's electrons.

How ionic.


Tried to buy a neutron the other day.
Guy behind the counter just gave it to me - no charge.


My ex-girlfriend and I still have a lot of chemistry between us.
Admittedly, it's the kind you get between acetone and hydrogen peroxide...


What does dwarf do when you throw him into water?
Microwaves.


The nuclear physicist took a vacation for a fission trip.


When I say I love models, I mean statistical models.


He:- i heard you like bad guys?
She:-Yes..
He :- I'm bad at Physics.


NASA: We used to have a 9 planets but we now only have 8.
PLUTO : Stop telling everyone i'm not a
planet.
NASA: Sometimes we still hear its voice .


My new theory on inertia doesn't seem to be gaining momentum....


Newton got his job of physicist by an apple while doctors lose their job by it.


The "E" in the word Physics stands for Easy.


Anybody who believes in phrenology ought to have their head examined.


I'm so glad I convinced my daughter to not date this guy named Kelvin.
He's an absolute zero.


All archaeology proves is that our ancestors were skeletons and they lived underground.


Stars don't shine, they burn.


Geologists accept the earth's surface as it is..
Even with all its faults.


*My body gets donated to science*

Science: Who do we talk to about a refund?


What fish is made from a pair of Sodium atoms?

2Na.


A day without nuclear fusion is like...

A day without sunshine!


You're living. You occupy space, you have mass. Know what that means?
You matter.


Möbius strippers...
never show their backside.


After he invented the light bulb, people saw Edison in a new light.


A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.


A statistican is a man who comes to the rescue of figures that cannot lie for themselves.


Treat people like outliers. If they are too far from you, delete them.


For those of you lacking a uniform mixture of two or more substances, I have a solution.


A new element has been added to the periodic table designated with the letters AH. It is of course the element of surprise.


I have only 50k in my bank account but without the potassium.


The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.


I can't speak for anyone else, but discussions about gravity really weigh me down.


I'm reading a book on the concept of
a vacuum. So far, the plot sucks.


I'm writing a book called "Litres & Gallons". It's two volumes.


I wear my table of elements shirt periodically.


I took first prize at the science fair when I taught my hummingbird to ring a bell for food.
The judges said it was a real humdinger.


I had a debate with a flat-earther. He said he'd walk to the edge of the Earth to prove his point.

I'm sure he'll come around eventually.


I just read Thomas Edison's autobiography, it was quite illuminating


FUN Fact:
Female ferrets can die if they don't have enough sex.


Did you hear about the clumsy astronomer who banged his head on a telescope? Ironically, he saw stars.


Before I go to the archaeological dig site, I start my day with a small loaf of bread. I like that old-time rock…
& roll.


Another little known fact:. The odds of being struck by a meteorite are astronomical.


The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.


Scientists say it maybe possible to live on Mars.
Tried it for two months, gained a stone in weight and developed type 2 diabetes.


FUN Fact:
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.


Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal… until the pressure got to him…


FUN Fact:
For one moment in time, you were the youngest person in the world.


Here's a science question: If protons have mass, are they Catholic?


FUN Fact:
Hot water is more likely to break thick glass than thin glass. That's why test tubes are made of thin glass.


When asked about my personal beliefs, I usually say that I believe in quantum physics, but I am uncertain.


Someone threw a sodium compound at me. I think it was a salt.


FUN fact:
Pluto didn't even complete one revolution around the sun between its discovery and its declassification as a planet.


I was surprised to find out that the 'element of surprise' is not there on the periodic table.


How do you turn a three-dimensional printer into a four-dimensional printer?

Just give it time.


My ex says she needs some 'space' and 'time'. Is she calculating velocity?


Earth is mostly water. If that water isn't carbonated that means earth is
flat. Check mate.


I’ll tell you what I know about subatomic particles, very little


Charged particles can be tricky. Keep an ion them.


Spoke to some scientists who were studying the odder aspects of fog. They were mystified.


Erwin Schrödinger kept his theory secret for many years...

Until someone let the cat out the bag.


Someday when scientists discover the center of the universe, a lot of people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them.


I want to get a periodic table. I’ll only need it sometimes.


A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.


A biology teacher grew human vocal cords from stem cells in the lab. The results speak for themselves,


Scientists trying to figure out the mysteries of space when we still have "do not drink" warnings on strawberry shampoo.


Famed scientist, Robert Oppenheimer, was heard to say, "Nuke, I am your father'!!


Scientists now believe the pterydactyl could urinate without making a sound.

Their pee was silent.


99 percent of Scientists agree with who ever Funds them!!FDA too!!


My friend had a theory on inertia but it never seemed to gain momentum.


What did the scientists think when they found bones on the moon?
The cow didn't make it.



More Science Jokes on the following pages...