Tech Geek Jokes: Embrace Your Inner Geek and Laugh at Yourself!

If you cannot explain something in simple terms, you don't understand it.

I didn’t know how a water purifier worked, but now it's become clear.

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

"If you need a degree to do it, it’s not going to make you wealthy."

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam and they’re just using it to make TVs.

“Engineering is the closest thing to magic that exists in the world.”

— Elon Musk

Tablets were replaced by scrolls. Scrolls were replaced by books.

Now we scroll through books on tablets.

My girlfriend said she needs some time and distance.

Is she calculating speed?

My girlfriend said she needs some time and distance.

Is she calculating speed?

Buying a digital camera is a positive thing.

There are no negatives.

I asked the librarian if they had any books on amplifiers.

She said, “Yes, what volume would you like?”

“Shoot for the stars – you might land on the moon” actually describes a terrible mission failure.

“One man’s “magic” is another man’s engineering. “Supernatural” is a null word.”
- Robert A. Heinlein

Your family member will not consider you an engineer unless you repair any of the home appliances.

I wonder if Bell ever envisioned looking a pictures of kittens over his device?

Anything can be a UFO if you’re bad enough at identifying stuff.

Science finds the way.
Engineering builds the road.

A light switch is also a dark switch.

The three laws of Engineering:
1. Always use the right tool for the job.
2. A hammer is the right tool for any job.
3. Anything can be used as a hammer.

Note to self: turning off the speaker does not end the phone call.

If you have never wrote “boobies” on a calculator well then my friend, you’re to young for us to hangout.

Electric vehicle owners should ONLY be allowed to charge their cars using wind and solar power, otherwise it's just pretend.

Real life's what happens while you're waiting for your phone to charge.

What do women and engines have in common?
They both Suck, Squeeze, Bang, and Blow.

Vacuum cleaner stopped sucked, it must have gotten married.

During sexual intercourse Jimmy suddenly stops and becomes motionless..

Girl: What the heck are you doing??

Jimmy: I have seen this on adult porn sites, it's called "buffering"

It's not a hot water heater, it's just a water heater, unless you're heating hot water.

So I got asked today:
“Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with?”
I said: “Obviously a lift engineer.”

I have a fetish for magnets.
I don't know why, I just find them attractive.

My wife told me to stop making camera puns. I told her to stop focusing on the negatives and develop a sense of humour.She left me in a flash.

The first tv came out. Guy asks "what are the chances I can change channels from across the room?"
Salesman says "remote".

So, what kind of sweet treat do electricians like?
Shockolate!!

My biggest fear of self driving cars is that if I would die on the way to work the car would still drive me there.

What does an electrician have for breakfast?

Ohm-lette.

Hey everybody!!
I just found out that my a.m. radio works at night too!!

Hung a picture up on the wall the other day.
Nailed it!

I have a giant thermometer.

It's not wide in width, but far-in-height.

I just renewed my CPR Certificate.
I learned it is rare that a Defibrillator malfunctions!
But when it does no one is Shocked!

The majority of train derailments are due to the engineer being distracked.

I have always wondered why Lemonade is made with artificial flavors --and Furniture polish is made with real lemons.

“ Russian Satellite Falls to Earth “
I just read the Orbituary.

I tried settings up a website for women drivers but it just kept crashing.

If youve never rewound a cassette tape with your finger, you have no right to complain about buffering.

"How the fuck did they get my number?"
Me, every time my phone rings.

My circuit breaker got wet and I’m really not sure what to do. I’m soakin fused.

I opened both my electric & water bills at the same time.

I was shocked.

My knife is made from cutting edge technology.

Rotor… this word’s been going around but still looks the same.

“Engineer solving problems you didn’t know you had in ways you can’t understand.”
—Unknown

“Unfortunately, humans have a long history of trying to fix their engineering mistakes with more engineering mistakes!”
—Steven Magee

“The ‘H’ in ENGINEER stands for happiness.”
—Unknown

“Science is about knowing; engineering is about doing.”
—Henry Petroski

“Electrical Engineers do it with more frequency and less resistance.”

“Chemical engineers build the rocket fuel. Electrical engineers build the guidance system. Nuclear engineers build the payload. Environmental engineers clean it up.”
—Unknown

“Engineering is the art and science of nuts and bolts.”
—Haresh Sippy

“The fewer moving parts, the better. Exactly. No truer words were ever spoken in the context of engineering.”
—Christian Cantrell

“Majors in mechanical engineering, talks down to civil engineering friends about how easy their major is.”
—Unknown

“Given enough time, an engineer will optimize to infinity.”
—Unknown

“Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.”
—Scott Adams

The day I was tall enough to touch the radio on the shelf was the day I reached my Zenith.