Random geek joke:


Q: How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
A: He gave her a ring.

Geeky Technical jokes collection.



Selected geek jokes:


People asked me how it feels when you stick your finger in an electrical outlet? To be honest, it Hertz.


A vicar, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a bar.
Landlord asks the rabbit, “ what would you like to drink”?
“ I’ve no idea “ he says,
“ I’m only here because of predictive txt “......


Password is: ‘sunburnthead’
No caps.


Just worked out that a megaphone is one million million microphones.



More geek jokes...


Real life's what happens while you're waiting for your phone to charge.


What do women and engines have in common?
They both Suck, Squeeze, Bang, and Blow.


Vacuum cleaner stopped sucked, it must have gotten married.


During sexual intercourse Jimmy suddenly stops and becomes motionless..

Girl: What the heck are you doing??

Jimmy: I have seen this on adult porn sites, it's called "buffering"


It's not a hot water heater, it's just a water heater, unless you're heating hot water.


So I got asked today:
“Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with?”
I said: “Obviously a lift engineer.”


I have a fetish for magnets.
I don't know why, I just find them attractive.


My wife told me to stop making camera puns. I told her to stop focusing on the negatives and develop a sense of humour.She left me in a flash.


The first tv came out. Guy asks "what are the chances I can change channels from across the room?"
Salesman says "remote".


So, what kind of sweet treat do electricians like?
Shockolate!!


My biggest fear of self driving cars is that if I would die on the way to work the car would still drive me there.


What does an electrician have for breakfast?

Ohm-lette.


Hey everybody!!
I just found out that my a.m. radio works at night too!!


Hung a picture up on the wall the other day.
Nailed it!


I have a giant thermometer.

It's not wide in width, but far-in-height.


I just renewed my CPR Certificate.
I learned it is rare that a Defibrillator malfunctions!
But when it does no one is Shocked!


The majority of train derailments are due to the engineer being distracked.


I have always wondered why Lemonade is made with artificial flavors --and Furniture polish is made with real lemons.


“ Russian Satellite Falls to Earth “
I just read the Orbituary.


I tried settings up a website for women drivers but it just kept crashing.


If youve never rewound a cassette tape with your finger, you have no right to complain about buffering.


"How the fuck did they get my number?"
Me, every time my phone rings.


My circuit breaker got wet and I’m really not sure what to do. I’m soakin fused.


I opened both my electric & water bills at the same time.

I was shocked.


My knife is made from cutting edge technology.


Rotor… this word’s been going around but still looks the same.


“Engineer solving problems you didn’t know you had in ways you can’t understand.”
—Unknown


“Unfortunately, humans have a long history of trying to fix their engineering mistakes with more engineering mistakes!”
—Steven Magee


“The ‘H’ in ENGINEER stands for happiness.”
—Unknown


“Science is about knowing; engineering is about doing.”
—Henry Petroski


“Electrical Engineers do it with more frequency and less resistance.”


“Chemical engineers build the rocket fuel. Electrical engineers build the guidance system. Nuclear engineers build the payload. Environmental engineers clean it up.”
—Unknown


“Engineering is the art and science of nuts and bolts.”
—Haresh Sippy


“The fewer moving parts, the better. Exactly. No truer words were ever spoken in the context of engineering.”
—Christian Cantrell


“Majors in mechanical engineering, talks down to civil engineering friends about how easy their major is.”
—Unknown


“Given enough time, an engineer will optimize to infinity.”
—Unknown


“Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.”
—Scott Adams


The day I was tall enough to touch the radio on the shelf was the day I reached my Zenith.


I asked google
how often do people die in hot air balloons?

turns out its only once...


Why did the TV
hate his holiday.
Because he went
somewhere remote.


How do you observe a flat screen?
Monitor.


Just had my solar panels stolen.

Daylight robbery.


So a vehicle full of photography equipment has crashed.

Police say the driver lost focus.


What do you call a broadcast about tears?
Streams.


The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did... but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.


Ralph's cell phone didn't work very well in prison. It was only getting one bar.


Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.


When a telescope bangs into a microscope you get a kaleidoscope..


I just got my dream job in cell phone sales. I always knew this was my calling.


What do the FBI and MS Paint have in common?
They don't support transparency.


Why can't engines remain government leaders?
Once the first revolution begins there's always thousands more.


What do you get with a nut and a building?
Walnut.


CAPTCHA: Select all tiles with chameleons.

ME: Oh no.


Old refrigerators never die, they just lose their cool!


I don't need the microphone, I'm a loudspeaker.


Today people are too dependant on technology...

"Alexa why is that?"


Accidentally replaced my halogen bulbs with hallucinogen bulbs.
My light bill seems really high.


It’s extremely rare for a defibrillator to fail, but when it does,
No One’s shocked.


Centigrade, Fahrenheit and Kelvin, I trust them all with varying degrees.


My grandfather invented the cold air balloon.
It never really got off the ground.


I'd tell you the story about the international space station but I'm sure it would probably go right over your head.


My battery died the other day. It was AA tragedy.


Unplugged the WiFi for 10 seconds and a teenager I didn't know existed appeared from one of the bedrooms to complain.


My dad wants me to change careers and become a sound technician. But I don’t one two.


Why was the cell phone wearing its glasses?
It lost its contacts.


If you cant fix it with a hammer - you got an electric problem.


FUN Fact:
The television was invented before sliced bread.


How do you make a candle burn longer? You can't, they burn shorter.


Those who don't know browser history are doomed to re-Google it.


My search history is all stupid questions I was afraid of asking other people.




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