Random geek joke:
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn't do anything except send me notices that there's a new version of itself.
Selected geeky jokes:
My iPod is in Titanic mode right now. It is syncing.
I'd kill for a microwave that plays Europe's “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
My mate is a huge F1 fan.
personally I prefer Ctrl and Caps Lock..!
Real life's what happens while you're waiting for your phone to charge.
More geek jokes...
Science finds the way.
Engineering builds the road.
A light switch is also a dark switch.
The three laws of Engineering:
1. Always use the right tool for the job.
2. A hammer is the right tool for any job.
3. Anything can be used as a hammer.
Note to self: turning off the speaker does not end the phone call.
If you have never wrote “boobies” on a calculator well then my friend, you’re to young for us to hangout.
Electric vehicle owners should ONLY be allowed to charge their cars using wind and solar power, otherwise it's just pretend.
Real life's what happens while you're waiting for your phone to charge.
What do women and engines have in common?
They both Suck, Squeeze, Bang, and Blow.
Vacuum cleaner stopped sucked, it must have gotten married.
During sexual intercourse Jimmy suddenly stops and becomes motionless..
Girl: What the heck are you doing??
Jimmy: I have seen this on adult porn sites, it's called "buffering"
It's not a hot water heater, it's just a water heater, unless you're heating hot water.
So I got asked today:
“Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with?”
I said: “Obviously a lift engineer.”
I have a fetish for magnets.
I don't know why, I just find them attractive.
My wife told me to stop making camera puns. I told her to stop focusing on the negatives and develop a sense of humour.She left me in a flash.
The first tv came out. Guy asks "what are the chances I can change channels from across the room?"
Salesman says "remote".
So, what kind of sweet treat do electricians like?
Shockolate!!
My biggest fear of self driving cars is that if I would die on the way to work the car would still drive me there.
What does an electrician have for breakfast?
Ohm-lette.
Hey everybody!!
I just found out that my a.m. radio works at night too!!
Hung a picture up on the wall the other day.
Nailed it!
I have a giant thermometer.
It's not wide in width, but far-in-height.
I just renewed my CPR Certificate.
I learned it is rare that a Defibrillator malfunctions!
But when it does no one is Shocked!
The majority of train derailments are due to the engineer being distracked.
I have always wondered why Lemonade is made with artificial flavors --and Furniture polish is made with real lemons.
“ Russian Satellite Falls to Earth “
I just read the Orbituary.
I tried settings up a website for women drivers but it just kept crashing.
If youve never rewound a cassette tape with your finger, you have no right to complain about buffering.
"How the fuck did they get my number?"
Me, every time my phone rings.
My circuit breaker got wet and I’m really not sure what to do. I’m soakin fused.
I opened both my electric & water bills at the same time.
I was shocked.
My knife is made from cutting edge technology.
Rotor… this word’s been going around but still looks the same.
“Engineer solving problems you didn’t know you had in ways you can’t understand.”
—Unknown
“Unfortunately, humans have a long history of trying to fix their engineering mistakes with more engineering mistakes!”
—Steven Magee
“The ‘H’ in ENGINEER stands for happiness.”
—Unknown
“Science is about knowing; engineering is about doing.”
—Henry Petroski
“Electrical Engineers do it with more frequency and less resistance.”
“Chemical engineers build the rocket fuel. Electrical engineers build the guidance system. Nuclear engineers build the payload. Environmental engineers clean it up.”
—Unknown
“Engineering is the art and science of nuts and bolts.”
—Haresh Sippy
“The fewer moving parts, the better. Exactly. No truer words were ever spoken in the context of engineering.”
—Christian Cantrell
“Majors in mechanical engineering, talks down to civil engineering friends about how easy their major is.”
—Unknown
“Given enough time, an engineer will optimize to infinity.”
—Unknown
“Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.”
—Scott Adams
The day I was tall enough to touch the radio on the shelf was the day I reached my Zenith.
I asked google
how often do people die in hot air balloons?
turns out its only once...
Why did the TV
hate his holiday.
Because he went
somewhere remote.
How do you observe a flat screen?
Monitor.
Just had my solar panels stolen.
Daylight robbery.
So a vehicle full of photography equipment has crashed.
Police say the driver lost focus.
What do you call a broadcast about tears?
Streams.