Nerdy Laughs – Your Portal to Witty Science Jokes

Direction is much more important than speed.

Science Has Proved Science Wrong.

A scientist and his apprentice go out for lunch, when asked what they want to drink the scientist says 'H2O please.'.
The apprentice agrees and says ' I'll have H2O too.'
Then sadly, the apprentice died.

If you're not part of the solution, you're either a solid or a gas....

Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.

My mate Dave went to our local library yesterday.
“Hello I wonder if you can help me” said Dave to the librarian “I’d like to borrow a book about the discovery of Electromagnetic induction.”
“Faraday?” replied the librarian
“No” said Dave “I'm a slow reader, two weeks would be better.”

I was going to do a course on String Theory, but I didn't know how long it was going to be.

Do u know any facts about matter?
Matter of fact i do.

I'd give my Right Liver to better understand Biology.

I should have known better than to marry an astronomer. Everything revolves around him.

Q:Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
A: To get to the same side

Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords.
They can't croak.

I love the BBC’s programs about space and time. I hope they continuum.

Saw my son crying..

Me: What's the Matter?
Son: Anything that occupies space and has mass. Huhuhu

I thought that doing research on pigs would be interesting, but after a while, it became a real boar.

Why does lightning shock people? Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.

The most gullible chemical element is easily lead.

Astronomers have detected an asteroid 5280 feet long-it's a milestone discovery.

Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable and toxic metal with an atomic number of 82. I’m easily lead.

Flatearthers: if the Earth is flat, why is the sky called the atmosphere, not atmosflat?

I'm no chemist, but the opposite of formaldehyde is casualdejekyll

A friend asked me once “Is the Aurora Borealis heavy?”

I said, no, it’s pretty light...”

I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell.

Did you know, every planet in the solar system is named after a god? Except Earth, which is named after all that stuff on the ground.

A man is walking down the street, carrying a dry cell and some sodium chloride. A police officer, upon seeing him, promptly arrested him. "Why are you arresting me?" the man protests. "The charge is salt and battery!", the officer replied.

Where does bad light end up?
In prism.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
A: To get to the same side.

If you're not part of the solution...
You're a solid or a gas.

If I had to rate this solar system, I'd give it one star.

Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium the medical elements? Because if you can’t heal-ium or cure-ium, you bari-um.

Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.

Solar energy is actually nuclear energy from a safe distance.

Scientists do not know how many sheep there are in the world because every time they try counting them, they fall asleep.

Reminder: It’s very easy to lose an electron, so that’s something to keep an ion.

The most gullible chemical element is easily lead.

A chemist froze himself at -273.15°C, everyone said he was crazy but he was 0K.

Lab jokers really have a science of humor.

To make 1 watermelon you need 2 hydromelon and 1 oxymelon...

Some thought Einstein had become a bit of a bore in his later years, always talking about his relatives.

Heisenburg was driving on the autobahn, when he was pulled over by the police. “Excuse me sir,” said the policeman, “Do you know how fast you were going?”
“No,” replied Heisenburg, “But I know where I am!”

I once met a microbiologist.......

He was bigger than I imagined.

The only thing Flat Earthers fear....is Sphere itself.

The opposite of formaldehyde is....
Casualdejekyll.

Albert Einstein, a busy man famed for his theory of relativity but I am still not sure where he got all his energy from.

An archaeologist recently married one of his co-workers.
It was love at first site.

I’m positive I lost an electron... better keep an ion that.

Alcohol is never the answer.
Unless the question is: "What is C2H5OH?"

BREAKING NEWS: Scientists have discovered what is believed to the world's largest bed sheet. More on this story as it unfolds.

What happened to all the good chemistry jokes?
They argon.

Just found out Einstein was real! I always thought he was just a theoretical physicist!

Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn't kill the dinosaurs.
I've been to the museum.
It's obvious they starved to death.

Einstein developed a theory about space, and about time too!

I’m a really down to earth guy....because, you know, gravity.

I asked my Dad “What’s the difference between weight and mass?”
“Well, son. Weight is your size in relation to the Earth’s gravity.
Mass is what Catholics go to Sunday morning.”

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. “No, I’m travelling light.”

What's the heaviest type of T?

Gravity of course...

Boy : "Dad, could you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"
Dad : "No sun".

Tried dating a chemist once. It was so hard to vent problems to him cuz...
He was solution oriented.

Some say heaven is non-physical...but does it really matter?

Gravity

It’s not just a good idea... it’s the law.