Get Your Daily Dose of Laughter with Our Funny One-Liners !

Those little nuggets of hilarity that pack a big punch!


"A good one-liner is like a shot of whiskey - it packs a punch and leaves you wanting more."

- Unknown

Funny One-Liners meme.
Funny One-Liners meme.

Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated: 2025-05-24.




  1. They are like comedy dynamite, exploding with laughter in just a few words.


  2. I may be low income but I'll never be low in cum.


    Whoever has my voodoo doll...do that thing I like.


    LADIES FIRST applies to doors and orgasms.


    Pierced titties taste like house keys.


    Note to self: These notes to self aren't working.


    I date short women so when we break up I can keep my pictures.


    If you beat your own record, you’re both a winner and a loser.


    Life is ultimately just a 'try-not-to-die' challenge set on impossible difficulty.


    To be honest, I don't know what "TBH" or "IDK" mean.


    People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.


    A Polish fisherman is a fishing pole.


    I wouldn't mind being cloned. Just keep that asshole away from me.


    In my life I like to prioritise procrastination.


    Take my advice, I'm not using it.


    And so ends another week without me becoming unexpectedly rich.



  3. Embrace the power of one-liners and let the laughter flow like a mighty river.


  4. My retirement plan involves getting hit by a car.


    I remember when I was young and full of hope. I think it was a Tuesday.


    Just remembered National Amnesia Day was yesterday.


    My hips don't lie, but the bitch they belong to is a different story.


    A sweater so itchy it feels like it was made from scratch.


    Did you hear about the magician that turned his car into a driveway?


    a 31% discount sounds fantastic until u realize u cant afford the remaining 69%.


    I am so old I remember when global warming was called summer!


    Broke a mirror to insure I'll have seven more years.


    I entered a sunbathing competition. I got bronze.


    I just laugh stuff off cause prison doesn’t cook the food I like.


    Dancing is like standing still, only faster.


    A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.


    It's important to get out of the house every once in a while to remind yourself why you don't go out.


    If you wear granny panties, it's actually illegal for you to give fashion advice.



  5. Let these little bundles of joy brighten your day and bring a smile to your face.


  6. I do an amazing impression of a normal person. You really can't tell the difference.


    Been there, done that... then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.


    Pornographers will always find a way to fill any niche.


    On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.


    People who live in glass houses shouldn't. It's embarrassing.


    I only offend stupid people and I'm sorry if that offends you.


    I hate Cinco de Mayo said no Juan ever.


    You can never dig half a hole.


    Panic mode is panic with a scoop of ice cream on top.


    I'm a giver with aspirations to be a taker.


    My toxic trait is just being myself.


    Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.


    It's not that I'm not a people person, it's just that I'm not a stupid people person.


    If I ever sound inspirational, one of us is drunk.


    If you don't have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you.



  7. With funny one-liners laughter is just a punchline away!


  8. My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.


    We all deserve morning sex and pancakes.


    Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.


    Buying her a toolbox for her birthday so she can fix her attitude .


    I hate when my wife accuses me of something I didn't think she knew about.


    69% of people will find something sexual in this sentence!


    I wanna get kidnapped to see if I’m smart enough to escape.


    Hellocination: when you wave at someone thinking they waved at you, but they were waving to someone else.


    Then all of a sudden it hit me: I should have hung that ceiling fan higher.


    The first rule of Paradox Club, is that there is no Paradox Club.


    I tried to get into hypnosis school, but failed the en-trance exam.


    So poligamy is just a marry go round.


    The one thing I can say about the good old days is that I was neither good nor old.


    I was going to run for president of the local pessimist group but I didn't think I would win.


    A reality tv contest between two cartoonists ended in a draw.




More oneliners on the following pages...


SEE also - The TOP MOST viewed Jokes - hilarious collection with top views:

They have been viewed so many times that they've practically become the unofficial currency of internet humor, making us wonder if we're all just living in a digital comedy club.