Get Your Daily Dose of Laughter with Our Funny One-Liners !

Those little nuggets of hilarity that pack a big punch!

"A good one-liner is like a shot of whiskey - it packs a punch and leaves you wanting more."

- Unknown

Funny One-Liners meme.
Funny One-Liners meme.

Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated: 2024-07-20.

  1. They are like comedy dynamite, exploding with laughter in just a few words.

  2. I date short women so when we break up I can keep my pictures.

    If you beat your own record, you’re both a winner and a loser.

    Life is ultimately just a 'try-not-to-die' challenge set on impossible difficulty.

    To be honest, I don't know what "TBH" or "IDK" mean.

    People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

    A Polish fisherman is a fishing pole.

    I wouldn't mind being cloned. Just keep that asshole away from me.

    In my life I like to prioritise procrastination.

    Take my advice, I'm not using it.

    And so ends another week without me becoming unexpectedly rich.

    My retirement plan involves getting hit by a car.

    I remember when I was young and full of hope. I think it was a Tuesday.

    Just remembered National Amnesia Day was yesterday.

    My hips don't lie, but the bitch they belong to is a different story.

    A sweater so itchy it feels like it was made from scratch.

  3. Embrace the power of one-liners and let the laughter flow like a mighty river.

  4. Did you hear about the magician that turned his car into a driveway?

    a 31% discount sounds fantastic until u realize u cant afford the remaining 69%.

    I am so old I remember when global warming was called summer!

    Broke a mirror to insure I'll have seven more years.

    I entered a sunbathing competition. I got bronze.

    I just laugh stuff off cause prison doesn’t cook the food I like.

    Dancing is like standing still, only faster.

    A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.

    It's important to get out of the house every once in a while to remind yourself why you don't go out.

    If you wear granny panties, it's actually illegal for you to give fashion advice.

    I do an amazing impression of a normal person. You really can't tell the difference.

    Been there, done that... then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

    Pornographers will always find a way to fill any niche.

    On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.

    People who live in glass houses shouldn't. It's embarrassing.

  5. Let these little bundles of joy brighten your day and bring a smile to your face.

  6. I only offend stupid people and I'm sorry if that offends you.

    I hate Cinco de Mayo said no Juan ever.

    You can never dig half a hole.

    Panic mode is panic with a scoop of ice cream on top.

    I'm a giver with aspirations to be a taker.

    My toxic trait is just being myself.

    Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.

    It's not that I'm not a people person, it's just that I'm not a stupid people person.

    If I ever sound inspirational, one of us is drunk.

    If you don't have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you.

    My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.

    We all deserve morning sex and pancakes.

    Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.

    Buying her a toolbox for her birthday so she can fix her attitude .

    I hate when my wife accuses me of something I didn't think she knew about.

  7. With funny one-liners laughter is just a punchline away!

  8. 69% of people will find something sexual in this sentence!

    I wanna get kidnapped to see if I’m smart enough to escape.

    Hellocination: when you wave at someone thinking they waved at you, but they were waving to someone else.

    Then all of a sudden it hit me: I should have hung that ceiling fan higher.

    The first rule of Paradox Club, is that there is no Paradox Club.

    I tried to get into hypnosis school, but failed the en-trance exam.

    So poligamy is just a marry go round.

    The one thing I can say about the good old days is that I was neither good nor old.

    I was going to run for president of the local pessimist group but I didn't think I would win.

    A reality tv contest between two cartoonists ended in a draw.

    I hate it when I'm talking to myself and suddenly realize I wasn't listening and have to start over.

    Those who teach about eyes have pupils.

    Life is like a river with beavers living in it. It's just one dam thing after another.

    I've been played so much , I'm now available on play store.

    My hobbies include seeing how long I can hold my breath underwater and meeting Life Guards.

More oneliners on the following pages...

SEE also - The TOP MOST viewed Jokes - hilarious collection with top views:

They have been viewed so many times that they've practically become the unofficial currency of internet humor, making us wonder if we're all just living in a digital comedy club.