Those little nuggets of hilarity that pack a big punch!
"A good one-liner is like a shot of whiskey - it packs a punch and leaves you wanting more."
- Unknown
Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated:
2024-11-03.
They are like comedy dynamite, exploding with laughter in just a few words.
Embrace the power of one-liners and let the laughter flow like a mighty river.
Let these little bundles of joy brighten your day and bring a smile to your face.
With funny one-liners laughter is just a punchline away!
I date short women so when we break up I can keep my pictures.
If you beat your own record, you’re both a winner and a loser.
Life is ultimately just a 'try-not-to-die' challenge set on impossible difficulty.
To be honest, I don't know what "TBH" or "IDK" mean.
People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.
A Polish fisherman is a fishing pole.
I wouldn't mind being cloned. Just keep that asshole away from me.
In my life I like to prioritise procrastination.
Take my advice, I'm not using it.
And so ends another week without me becoming unexpectedly rich.
My retirement plan involves getting hit by a car.
I remember when I was young and full of hope. I think it was a Tuesday.
Just remembered National Amnesia Day was yesterday.
My hips don't lie, but the bitch they belong to is a different story.
A sweater so itchy it feels like it was made from scratch.
Did you hear about the magician that turned his car into a driveway?
a 31% discount sounds fantastic until u realize u cant afford the remaining 69%.
I am so old I remember when global warming was called summer!
Broke a mirror to insure I'll have seven more years.
I entered a sunbathing competition. I got bronze.
I just laugh stuff off cause prison doesn’t cook the food I like.
Dancing is like standing still, only faster.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
It's important to get out of the house every once in a while to remind yourself why you don't go out.
If you wear granny panties, it's actually illegal for you to give fashion advice.
I do an amazing impression of a normal person. You really can't tell the difference.
Been there, done that... then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
Pornographers will always find a way to fill any niche.
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't. It's embarrassing.
I only offend stupid people and I'm sorry if that offends you.
I hate Cinco de Mayo said no Juan ever.
You can never dig half a hole.
Panic mode is panic with a scoop of ice cream on top.
I'm a giver with aspirations to be a taker.
My toxic trait is just being myself.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
It's not that I'm not a people person, it's just that I'm not a stupid people person.
If I ever sound inspirational, one of us is drunk.
If you don't have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
We all deserve morning sex and pancakes.
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
Buying her a toolbox for her birthday so she can fix her attitude .
I hate when my wife accuses me of something I didn't think she knew about.
69% of people will find something sexual in this sentence!
I wanna get kidnapped to see if I’m smart enough to escape.
Hellocination: when you wave at someone thinking they waved at you, but they were waving to someone else.
Then all of a sudden it hit me: I should have hung that ceiling fan higher.
The first rule of Paradox Club, is that there is no Paradox Club.
I tried to get into hypnosis school, but failed the en-trance exam.
So poligamy is just a marry go round.
The one thing I can say about the good old days is that I was neither good nor old.
I was going to run for president of the local pessimist group but I didn't think I would win.
A reality tv contest between two cartoonists ended in a draw.
I hate it when I'm talking to myself and suddenly realize I wasn't listening and have to start over.
Those who teach about eyes have pupils.
Life is like a river with beavers living in it. It's just one dam thing after another.
I've been played so much , I'm now available on play store.
My hobbies include seeing how long I can hold my breath underwater and meeting Life Guards.