Ironic Jokes: Laugh Your Way Through Life's Twists & Turns.

"Irony is the gaiety of reflection and the joy of wisdom."

- Anatole France

Welcome to the wacky world of ironic jokes, where the punchlines are as unpredictable as a cat chasing a laser pointer! Prepare to chuckle, chortle, and guffaw as we serve up a smorgasbord of hilarity that'll have you questioning the very fabric of reality. So, buckle up, dear visitor, and get ready to embark on a rollercoaster ride of side-splitting humor that'll leave you gasping for air and craving more.
Remember, in the world of ironic jokes, the only thing you can expect is the unexpected!

Where would we be without Google Maps?

When someone insults you..
Think before u react..!! 😇
It takes 72 muscles to get angry 😣
14 to smile 🙂
but Only 4 muscles to extend your hand and slap that idiot..

Husband comes home with ' I love u ' tattooed on his penis.....
When he shows his Wife she goes crazy....
See there you go again you bastard,
..........trying to put words in my mouth!

My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."

"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."

I went out to eat last night. The hostess asked if we had reservations. I said yes plenty but we came anyway.

I've just been diagnosed as clinically obese - as if I haven't got enough on my plate!

A guy is strolling along a sandy beach one day when he comes across a very old bottle. He's just dusting it off when two rather tired looking genies pop out "Two genies!" he exclaims. "That must mean six wishes!" "Sorry, buddy, it's three or nuthin'," say the genies, "and hurry up". The guy makes his three wishes and races off home to see if they've been granted. He gets home and runs into his bedroom, where he finds the most gorgeous girl he has ever seen waiting for him. After hours of mad, passionate sex, he stumbles out of bed and walks into the living room where he is knee deep in $1000 bills. The guy can hardly believe his luck. Just then there is a knock at the door. He rushes over to open it, when two hooded KKK members throw a rope around his neck and string him up naked until he is dead. The two then take off their white hoods to reveal that they are, in fact, the two genies, both looking rather puzzled. The first genie turns to the second and says, "I can understand the beautiful woman and all the money in the world, by why on earth would you want to be hung like a black man?"

Two older women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.
The first woman said, "I'm thinking of getting a boob-job."
The second woman responded, "Oh, that's nothing. I'm thinking of having my arsehole bleached!"
"Whoa," replied the first woman.
"I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"

I don't judge people based on age, race, religion, sexuality, color or gender. I base it on whether they are an asshole or not.

Got complemented on my driving today somebody left a note on my windscreen saying Parking fine.

A cardiologist died. According to his will, he was buried in a heart shape grave. One of the doctors laughed at the grave. People asked "Why did you laugh at the heart shaped grave?" Doctor replied "I am thinking about my grave. I am a Gynecologist!"

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see", 'Yes, go on' and 'I understand.' 'How did you feel about that?'" The new priest practices, saying these phrases. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No shit?!? What happened next?'"

The only reason the term 'Ladies first' was invented was for the guy to check out the woman's ass.

The best and surest way to save a marriage from divorce is not to show up for the wedding.

People with bad colds don't go to the doctor - they go to the theater.

People with bad colds don't go to the doctor - they go to the theater.

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring
at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee...
'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room.
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.
'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in my car?'
'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the gun in my face and said:
'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'
'I remember that too' she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...
"I would have been released today..!!!"

An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and they were still very clearly in love. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that, after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head.
"I have to tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about ten years ago."

When someone calls you Fat don't entertain them. You are bigger than that.

The difference between psychiatry and urology is everyone’s nuts and everyones’ nuts.

The sexual position called 69 is now called 96. Due to the economy the cost of eating out has gone up.

I've been dating a homeless woman recently and it looks like it's getting serious......

She's asked me to move out with her 😅