Wordplay Wonderland: Puns That Will Leave You Punderstruck!

Today my son asked “Can I have a book mark?”

5 years and he still doesn’t know my names Michael. 🕺

A cat walks between a womans legs...Looks up and thinks...
I don't see the resemblance....... 🐈

Just imagine, if Covid 19 was transmitted sexually nobody would be giving a fuck! 🤦‍♂️

When I was a kid, my parents could only afford a secondhand calculator which was missing the 'X' button.

Times were hard.

Lots of puns here. Must be a pundemic.

Camouflage condoms: They'll never see you cumming.

I wish corona could’ve started in Las Vegas because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas..!🤨

At the airport baggage carousel I noticed everyone else had a better bag than me.

It was the 'worst case' scenario.

If I was addicted to masturbation and then became addicted to sex would it be safe to say my addiction got out of hand ? 😎

Will glass coffins be a success?

💀

Remains to be seen.

A man who runs behind a car will get exhausted, but a man who runs in front of a car will get tired.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I don’t last long in bed.

I told her, “If you change your mind, call me. I’ll come right away.”

I was gunna make a gay joke.

Butt fuck it.

Guess who's getting some head tonight.

My pillow.

If two chefs are related，they're cuisines.

If two chefs are related，they're cuisines.

I wanted to drop a pun about the beach but Im not shore if it will be hilarious.

Bullets only do their job after they fired.

My Dad always says
“When one door shuts another one opens”
Wonderful man,
terrible cabinet maker!

The cemetery seems overcrowded. People must be dying to get inside.

I wanted to drop a pun about carpentry, but I'm not sure if it woodwork🤔.

My friend got fired at the coffee shop for coming to work in a T-shirt!

A kiss makes her day
but anal makes her hole weak.

It started with a bat, went quickly to toilet paper, and now everyone’s going nuts in quarantine.
We’ve all gone
bat, shit, crazy.

A bunch of cream filled pastries got arrested for price gouging .

They were profiteer rolls.

Shaving with a razor takes a lot of courage. I used to shave my privates with one.
But I don't have the balls to do it anymore.

A lion wouldn't cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood. 😂😩

My Girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park.
But In the end, it doesn't even matter.

For years I was against organ transplants.

Then I had a change of heart.

The porn star reunion was fun, it was great to come across old faces again.

I have a maths joke but I’m 2² to say it.

A friend of mine always helps me with maps and diagrams, pointing out all the little symbols and what they mean. The guys a legend.

My wife is a sex object-- Every time I ask for sex-- she objects.

3 conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.. You can't tell me that's just a coincidence!

Did you know tall people
sleep longer in bed?

Shout out to the people who ask what the opposite of 'in' is.

How does Moses make coffee?

Hebrews it.

Gay jokes aren't funny..
Cum on guys.

I am a big fan of the guy who plays Wolverine, I am a Hugh fan!

What do Asian cannibals eat?

Raw-men

I was going to introduce myself with a dick joke but apparently it’s too long.

I'm not a doctor but I'm losing my patience.

Once, I told a chemistry joke

There was no reaction

What do you call a fish with no eye?
-
FSH

Why didn't the skeleton go to the night club?
-
Cause he had no body to dance with.

my horse goes out only after dark, it's a night mare

You know a gay teen asked me for directions and I misdirected him because I couldn't say go straight.

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father in law.

What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
Roberto.

I’m okay with smoking, weed .
But cocaine is where I draw the line.

People suck at blowjobs

I've tried to stop swearing

But I cunt.

The word peanut perfectly encapsulates the two basic functions of the penis.

If y'all need an ark, I Noah guy...

I've heard that whiskey is like hand sanitizer for your insides.

Might not work, but it's worth a shot.