Wordplay Wonderland: Puns That Will Leave You Punderstruck!

So sad to hear that the local auctioneer has passed on.
He was somewhere around 30, 35? 35, 40. 🔨

I'm writing a book about basements.

I think it's destined to be a best cellar. 💯

How do you make a waterbed more bouncy?

Use spring water. ⛲

I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.

Are people born with photographic memories, or do they take time to develop ? 🎞

My girlfriend poked me in the eye the other day.
I stopped seeing her for a while. 😫

Why was Tigger looking in the toilet?.... He was looking for Pooh 🐯

Don't argue with left handed people, they aren't right.

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I can do it with my eyes closed 😎

I hate when people use capital letters inappropriately.
It's not that I'm pedantic,

it's just that I'm extremely case-sensitive.

We all know where the Big Apple is, but does anyone know where...
Minneapolis?

Stop with all the senior citizen jokes, they’re getting really old. 👴

We need to outlaw pre-shredded cheese...make America grate again! 🧀

A carpenter wanted to make a pun joke, but he wasn't sure if it WOODWORK 🪓

How come the little fish was blushing? ... Because the fish saw the ocean's bottom.....

We use "hi guys" because it is inappropriate to say "himen" in public...

Why did the Mexican take a Xanax.

For Hispanic attacks.😎

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day.

Would a locksmith be considered a Key worker? 🤔

I hate spelling errors.
Mix up a couple letters and your whole post is urined.

Two peanuts walk down a dark alley. One of them was a salted. 🥔

A calendar seller is never alone, he has so many dates at any given point.📅

Covid 19 is a threat to every single person in the world! Thank God am married! 👫

Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?

It was about a weak back. :-D

Why do motorcycles fall over?
They're two tired. 🚲

Philosophy books are a Nietzsche market. 👨‍🦳

Friend: I just bought some reusable condoms
Me: Come again?
Friend : “Exactly”

When my urologist said I had a healthy prostate I was deeply touched. 👩‍🍳

My friend told me he'd glued himself to his autobiography
I didn't believe him but that's his story and he's sticking to it. 😁

Id like to thank my feet for being with me every step of the way. 🦶🦶

What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

On a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside. 🚗

When you start to EXCEL, People start to SpreadSheet.📊

The most negative word of 2020 is

"Positive" ➕

Someone asked me to briefly explain what an acorn is. I said, "In a nutshell, an oak tree" 🥔

Working in a mirror factory is totally something I can see myself doing.🔎

Is buttcheeks 1 word or should I spread them apart? 🤔

What's blue and not very heavy?

Light blue.

Breaking news Energizer Bunny arrested -
Charged with battery. 🔋

Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
It's time consuming. ⏰

My ability to pick locks has opened a lot of doors for me 🔑

Why did the tomato blush when it opened the refrigerator?

It saw the salad dressing! 🍅🥬

What do you call a hippy's wife?

Mississippi. 👩

There was a kidnapping at school today

But he woke up 😴

I was wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger... then it hit me.🥏

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.
She replied: "They're right behind you!!".😮

Is a baby born on a plane a newborn or an airborne?
⁇🙄

Countries that immunize children are vaccinations.🧪

A guy at the ATM asked if I could help him check his balance, so I pushed him over. 🤸‍♂️

Who called it wet dreams instead of nutmares?😷🍆

If someone cums on the floor is it safe to call it GROUNDNUT?? 🤓

If you've unknowingly shared the same meme more than once, you may be suffering from meme-ory loss. 😱

I broke your PlayStation accidently 🥺 Sorry !
I didn't Nintendo do that

I'm a taxidermist.
When people ask,
“What do you do for a living?"
I say, "Oh, you know... stuff." 🦍

Pun of the day..

The best way to communicate with fish is to drop them a line.
🐟

There was a robbery at the fabric store...

Police are looking for material witnesses. 🤔

Bullets do their job after they've been fired.🤔

Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
They don't believe in higher powers. ☠

I was going to post a joke about being unemployed but it needs work. 👩‍🔧

My blind girlfriend told me I have a big penis, but she was just pulling my leg. 🦶🏻

me: I'm addicted to collecting magazines
therapist: it sounds like you have a lot of issues 📙

I've been sitting on my couch ever since the lockdown began...
Sofa so good. 🛏

Someone just came up to me, holding a beer and claiming to be a ventriloquist...

But I think it was the drink taking. 🍺

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller 🤦‍♂️

Collecting deflated footballs...

There's a habit you can't easily kick! 🏐

My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together

I totally nailed it 🔨

grandma took my weed so i took her wheelchair.
now neither of us rolling 👵🏻

Menstruation jokes ain't funny, period. 🧧

So this girl blocked me on Facebook because I post too many things about birds. Well, toucan play that game. 🐦

Rain: I'm penetrating!!

Soil: Oh fuck. I'm wet. 💦

[FOREST]

ME: OMG! There's a Wolf

WIFE: Where ?

ME: No the regular kind. 🐺

Having twelve breast sounds funny,
Dozen tits?

It takes guts to be an organ donor. ⚱

Ladies, if you’re bored, do your makeup. Then you’ll be pretty bored. 💄

What is the best thing about sex in the bible?
A second cumming. 💑

What time of day did God create Adam?
Just before Eve. 👩‍🦰

Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got 6 months! 📅

#punoftheday #haha

Some people crave pickles, but I don't make a big dill over it. 🥦

I washed my face in the kitchen sink...

And now I look quite dishy. 🍽️

What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A Gummy Bear! 🐻

Went to a Blur concert...

Couldn't see much 😎