Random sarcastic joke:
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
Selected sarcastic jokes:
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Go to the animal shelter for a dog and you're a saint.
Go to a women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their mind!
More sarcastic jokes...
Sometimes you have to hug the people you don't like so you know how big to dig the hole in your backyard.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
I'm more than 60 years old and never used essential oils.
It makes me wonder how essential they really are.
A well dressed and wealthy looking couple entered an inline skate store somewhere in the more affluent part of Hollywood. The store clerk greets them warmly:"Good morning Sir, Madam. Please feel free to browse and I will be here if you require assistance", obviously smelling some commission.
"Thank you", acknowledged the couple and soon after they returned to the store clerk with a pair of Dunlop inlines.
"We'll take these", announced the husband
The somewhat snooty store clerk was mildly taken aback said:"Sir I can tell you're here to do business and not waste anyone's time, so why not look at our more exclusive range? We have the best in Nike, Adidas, Reebok, Spalding and many more. Why are you settling for Dunlop's?"
Husband replies:"Oh it's for our daughter's birthday. She just became a teen and this is her first pair of skates. We are happy with the Dunlops for now thank you.", and on that note they paid and left.
Moments later another customer enters and the clerk says:"Morning and welcome. Please feel free to look at our exclusive range with only the best names in sport"
The customer replies:"I just need a pair of cheap skates for every day use"
Clerk signals to the door with his head and said:"Sorry sir, but the last pair just left the shop..."
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I was disappointed when I found out that stress balls are NOT for throwing at the faces of people who stress you out.
Be careful on the roads this year... many men are getting extremely drunk .... and allowing their wives to drive .....
Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much... It scared the hell out of me, so today I’ve decided never to read it again.
If anyone’s wondering how the future of humanity is going, my 3 year old grandson can unlock my iPhone but still can’t figure out what a spoon is for.
I woke up this morning determined to drink less, eat right & exercise
But that was 4 hours ago when I was younger and full of hope.
Whats everyone using to scrape ice of their windows these days ?
I used a discount card out of my wallet this morning. Wasn’t much good, I only got 20% off.
How to warn someone not to hit their head:
1. Wait until they’ve hit their head.
2. Say “ooh, careful”.
I don't understand why so many people major in English Literature.
I mean there's only so many ways to ask, "Do you want fries with that?".
I saw a woman with a t-shirt that said "Guess" on it.
Apparently "Implants?" was not the appropriate response..?