Clean Jokes for All: A Family-Friendly Laughter Extravaganza.

I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey! The sign says you're open 24 hours." He Said, "Yes, but not in a row!"

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
A: "Breathe, stupid!"

Q: Why did the school kids eat their homework?
A: Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake.

Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Big hands.

Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world?
A: The library, because it has so many stories.

Brunette: "Where were you born?"
Blonde: "The United States."
Brunette: "Which part?"
Blonde: "My whole body."

A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.

Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Teacher: "Which book has helped you the most in your life?"
Student: "My father's check book!"

My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.

Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
A: Because he was always spotted.

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"