150+ trolling jokes that will make your day !

You can’t make me happy, you’re not the liquor store.

You have the arrogance of a much more handsome woman.

"You're so vain, you probably think vascular studies is about you."

DMV: Are you an organ donor?

Me:. Ma'am I don't even own a piano.

A girl: call me short again! I dare you.
Me: what are gonna do, fight my knees?

I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to push all your buttons.
I was just looking for mute.

After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him Ive successfully installed Java.

He hates me.

If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

I like to help people find things by telling them that it's got to be around here somewhere..

You're not a model. You're just a girl with an iPhone and 23 editing apps. Calm down.

If at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way your husband told you.

Can i have your heart? So i can sell it and be rich.

The best part about me, is I'm not you.

Sometimes people ask me if I like dogs (or cats).
I'll reply, "It depends on the recipe."

- Just because you haven’t met the
woman of your dreams yet;
Doesn’t mean you ever will.

You could be perfectly genetically built for a sport that doesn't exist.

Well, it was funny until you got mad.

Now it’s hilarious!

I may be a problem, but if
you're LUCKY, I could be your problem.

My wife said, “You’re not the dumbest guy in the world.” I thought, “Not bad!” Then she added, “But you better hope he doesn’t die!”

I finally figured out why your sister is not a ballet dancer...
Because every time she does a split, she sticks to the floor.

You think you are introverted?
Wait until you never meet me.

Was looking for a place to rent. Landlord said I owe him first and last month's rent.
I said, I'm happy to pay you first month's rent, but it's hardly my responsibility to pay you last month's rent.

To everyone out there suffering from anxiety: you are not alone, theres always someone behind you!

To the woman with six screaming kids in Tesco, if you're wondering how those condoms got in your trolley, you’re welcome.

You laugh because you think I’m kidding, I smile because I know I’m not :)

Sir, the last time I saw a dick that small I was changing a diaper.

The bus to Idiot Town is here to take you home.

You can't hurt me.. You're not my wife ...

Everyone makes mistakes. Like your parents for example

Whatever you're going through, just keep going. Don't stop to talk to me.

"Baby, you're like a dwarf star. Extremely hot but not very bright."

In the spirit of compromise, let's just agree that you're a dumbass.

Today I saw something that reminded me of you.
But don't worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.

If you see me in public and don't feel like talking...please don't. I don't either.

Talk to your doctor to see if shutting the fuck up is right for you.

Unless your name is Dr. Martin Luther King Junior I have no desire to hear about your dream.

You can’t make me happy, you’re not the liquor store.

"You're so vain, you probably think vascular studies is about you."

Zip your fly please, we can see your brain.

You have the arrogance of a much more handsome woman.

Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little.

I don’t know what you want from me but the answer is probably no.

You don't need a mistletoe to kiss my ass.

Your secret is safe with me because I don’t fucking care.

Make sure you’re perfect before you correct me.

Dad: Son you're adopted
Me: Wow, I wonder who my real parents are?
Dad: We are your real parents, your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.

“You look radiant” I said, wondering what else you can call someone who just walked out of a nuclear reactor.

zookeeper: panda breeding is difficult because they're so lazy

me: *raising hand* actually I think it's because you're a human

I'm really fun to talk to, but you wouldn't know because I don't reply.

I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.

I regret every fart I ever held in for you.

I like to put things back where I got them from when I am done using them...so I dropped your mom off at the bar.

Everyone's the asshole in someone's story, but you're the asshole in everyone's story.

I didn't even have plans and you're still interrupting them.

I don't know how to sugarcoat this, but...you have diabetes.

I don’t hate you…I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.

My alone time is sometimes for YOUR safety.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

I assure you that if we meet I will never remember your name unless you’re a dog.

If I get pushed in the pool this summer, I'm not swimming back up. Enjoy your murder charge.

Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.

Just because you're trash doesn't mean you can't do great things. It's called garbage can, not garbage cannot.

Don't play stupid with me - I'm better at it.

If you ever hear me breathe deeply it's not because I'm annoyed it's because I forget to breathe sometimes.

First you told me to be myself now you're telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind, woman!

Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade's gonna suck.

Can't spell STUPID without U right in the middle!

I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.

Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it’s still on the list.

Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"

Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn't know you did that for fun.

I passed a guy with a cup sitting outside a 7-Eleven. When I walked out, he said, “Any change?”
I said, “No, you look the same as when I walked in.”