Trolling Jokes: Pushing Boundaries with Humor and Pranks.

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

I assure you that if we meet I will never remember your name unless you’re a dog.

If I get pushed in the pool this summer, I'm not swimming back up. Enjoy your murder charge.

Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.

Just because you're trash doesn't mean you can't do great things. It's called garbage can, not garbage cannot.

Don't play stupid with me - I'm better at it.

If you ever hear me breathe deeply it's not because I'm annoyed it's because I forget to breathe sometimes.

First you told me to be myself now you're telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind, woman!

Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade's gonna suck.

Can't spell STUPID without U right in the middle!

I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.

Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it’s still on the list.

Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"

Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn't know you did that for fun.

I passed a guy with a cup sitting outside a 7-Eleven. When I walked out, he said, “Any change?”
I said, “No, you look the same as when I walked in.”

I had nothing to do and I wrote in front of the condo: "I slept with your wife!" Everyone got agitated.

Advice please: is it okay to ask my wife what time tea is ready,
Or should I wait until she's finished cleaning the car ?

I'll be nicer, if you will be smarter.

If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.

My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my A/C bill is.
I told him, “My door is always open”.

I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I'm better than you, but I feel really bad about it.

DMV: Are you an organ donor?

Me:. Ma'am I don't even own a piano.

If you're out running in jeans, I'm gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.

You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...

A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It's okay, I think we lost him."

Answering machine message: “I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”

If u show her u care she will keep u as a spare.

My wife said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it.
So I bought her a candle.

I saw an ant in the kitchen so I placed a sugar cube in front of her.
She inspected it and went to tell her friends, then I quickly hid the sugar cube coz I wanted them to think she's a liar.

Saw a van that was covered in dirt at Westlands shopping centre & someone had written
"I wish my wife was as dirty as this van."
So I wrote; "She is...when you are at work!"

To the person who lost their iPhone on the bus this morning...Can you please stop calling my new phone..It's fcuking annoying me.

I'm sorry we fought.

I hate it when you're wrong.

After hearing about the vegan special, I told our waitress I have a medical condition which prevents me from being a vegan. She asked, Really? I said, it’s a flesh eating disease. She walked away.

Me: I have many hidden talents.
Someone: Like what?
Me: I don't know. They're all hidden.

I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.

Conspiracy theories and moon landings are very much alike. They're all fake.

If someone tells you ”you look better with a beard” then they are basically saying that you look better the less they can see your face.

You and I are just different. And by different I mean you're stupid.

What is the worst part of being vegan?
Getting up at 5 am to milk the almonds.

My girlfriend just asked me,When we go to Egypt,
Can we go on a camel? I said, No,
It would take ages to get there on a camel.

My Daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party.
So she invited over all her friends and I made them clean the house.

Wheres the remote for the tv?

Me - In a remote location.

If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.

Me - “We’re having a baby!”
Friend - “Aww, is it a girl or a boy?”
Me - “Yes, what else could it be..?”

My sister asked me to bring her something hard to write on, now she is mad at me! Don’t know why. Sand is really hard to write on!

My girlfriend awoke and said she dreamed she was a small sailboat...
I replied, "well, you've always been a little dinghy!"

Just started an online exaggeration club.
So far it has nearly 3 million members.

This bloke asked me if I’d any idea where he could get a new wig from.
I said, not off the top of my head...

Wife: "I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is?"
Scaring men is easy.

My Wife said, "Did you eat my chocolate eclair in the fridge?" I said, "No. I ate it in the living room."

I think hitchhikers are really friendly,
I've gone past three in the last hour and they all gave me the thumbs up.

I rang up a local builder and said,
I want a skip outside my house,
He said, I'm not stopping you.

I bought a book about the dangers of deforestation.
The first page read,
"You're not helping"

My Significant Other: I have changed my mind.

Me: Thank God! Does the new one work?

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Judge: “Where do you work?”
Defendant: “Here and there.”
Judge: “What do you do for a living?”
Defendant: “This and that.”
Judge: “Take him away and lock him up.”
Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?”
Judge: “Sooner or later.”

"I recognise you, you're a member of the Denial Society." "No I'm not".

I'll never forget the look on the cashiers face after she scanned the bird seed and I asked her, how long does it take for the bird to grow.

Can't wait 'til I'm old enough to pretend I can't hear.