Hilarious trolling jokes that will make your day !

A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks Dad,” the son says. “That means a lot.” The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”

I finally figured out why your sister is not a ballet dancer...
Because every time she does a split, she sticks to the floor.

I saw a poster that said, “Have you seen my cat?”
I rang the number and told them I haven’t.
I like to help where I can.

If you follow up Amen with Awoman, you are Amoron.

If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.

Me - “We’re having a baby!”
Friend - “Aww, is it a girl or a boy?”
Me - “Yes, what else could it be..?”

My sister asked me to bring her something hard to write on, now she is mad at me! Don’t know why. Sand is really hard to write on!

My girlfriend awoke and said she dreamed she was a small sailboat...
I replied, "well, you've always been a little dinghy!"

Just started an online exaggeration club.
So far it has nearly 3 million members.

This bloke asked me if I’d any idea where he could get a new wig from.
I said, not off the top of my head...

Wife: "I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is?"
Scaring men is easy.

My Wife said, "Did you eat my chocolate eclair in the fridge?" I said, "No. I ate it in the living room."

I think hitchhikers are really friendly,
I've gone past three in the last hour and they all gave me the thumbs up.

I rang up a local builder and said,
I want a skip outside my house,
He said, I'm not stopping you.

I bought a book about the dangers of deforestation.
The first page read,
"You're not helping"

My Significant Other: I have changed my mind.

Me: Thank God! Does the new one work?

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Judge: “Where do you work?”
Defendant: “Here and there.”
Judge: “What do you do for a living?”
Defendant: “This and that.”
Judge: “Take him away and lock him up.”
Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?”
Judge: “Sooner or later.”

"I recognise you, you're a member of the Denial Society." "No I'm not".

I'll never forget the look on the cashiers face after she scanned the bird seed and I asked her, how long does it take for the bird to grow.

Can't wait 'til I'm old enough to pretend I can't hear.

A man is in court charged with selling phoney anti-aging drugs. The judge says to him, "Have you been charged with this crime before?"
The man replies, "Yes sir, once before in 1846."!!

I saw a poster that said, “Have you seen my cat?”
I rang the number and told them I haven’t.
I like to help where I can.

Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.

You washed your hands?
Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.

Dear Stomach: You're bored, not hungry. Shut up.

Daddy, should French fries be eaten with the fingers?
No dear, the fingers should be eaten separately.

My friend just finished writing a book on “How To Make Money”.
Now, he needs money to publish it. I told him to read the book.

Me to my son: Could you take down that last clock and change it ?

Him: I can try, but it'll probably still be a clock.

My son asked me, "Dad, what are condoms used for?"

I said, "Usually to avoid answering questions like this one."

My ultimate goal is to become a retractable tape measure.

You don't understand the lengths I'd go to.

Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said “Sshhhhhh!” I asked “is that all lower case?”

3 bits of advice for you.
1. Don't listen to strangers.
2. Don't take advice from strangers.
3. Why are you still reading this?

I'm not saying your opinion is stupid, I'm just saying you're stupid for having it.

Turned up at the box office and asked for two tickets. "For Romeo and Juliet?" "No, for me and my wife".

Picked up a carrot and asked the grocer if I could buy the rest of the snowman.

We all have faults.
It's just that mine are better than yours.

I like to flush the toilet a few times when I'm on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again.

Don’t take yourself too seriously. No one else does.

The first rule of Condescending Club is complex and I don't think you'd understand even if I explained it to you.

"Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup?!"

"It looks like the backstroke, sir."

Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains.

Great news for most of you.

If someone tells you that you’re ignorant and apathetic, tell them that you don’t know what that means and you don’t care.

A man walks into a hardware shop and says One mousetrap please,
and can you hurry?
I have to catch a bus,
Sorry, says the sales assistance,
But our traps aren't that big.

Q: Are you a fan of Drake?

A: No, I'm his air conditioner.

My girlfriend wrote on a balloon, "Will you propose to me?"
I immediately popped the question.

A girl asks her lover,
If we get engaged will you give me a ring? Of course, He says,
What's your phone number?

People who go rock climbing: you know you don't have to, right?

Whenever someone tells me they missed me, I tell them it's because they can't aim.

A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks Dad,” the son says. “That means a lot.” The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”

I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.

I'm currently making some changes in my life, and if you don't hear from me, then you're one of them.

At the bank I told the cashier “ I’d like to open a joint account”.. “ with who?” she asked...” with whoever has lots of money” ☺️

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman there, "Where’s the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.