Those little nuggets of hilarity that pack a big punch!
One-liners are the superheroes of humor, swooping in to save the day with their quick wit and clever delivery. They are like comedy ninjas, delivering their punchlines with lightning speed, leaving you doubled over in laughter before you even realize what hit you.
But be warned, they can be really addictive. Once you get a taste of their comedic brilliance, you'll find yourself craving more.
They are like comedy dynamite, exploding with laughter in just a few words.
a 31% discount sounds fantastic until u realize u cant afford the remaining 69%.
I am so old I remember when global warming was called summer!
Broke a mirror to insure I'll have seven more years.
I entered a sunbathing competition. I got bronze.
I just laugh stuff off cause prison doesn’t cook the food I like.
Dancing is like standing still, only faster.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
It's important to get out of the house every once in a while to remind yourself why you don't go out.
If you wear granny panties, it's actually illegal for you to give fashion advice.
I do an amazing impression of a normal person. You really can't tell the difference.
Been there, done that... then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
Pornographers will always find a way to fill any niche.
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't. It's embarrassing.
I only offend stupid people and I'm sorry if that offends you.
Embrace the power of one-liners and let the laughter flow like a mighty river.
I hate Cinco de Mayo said no Juan ever.
You can never dig half a hole.
Panic mode is panic with a scoop of ice cream on top.
I'm a giver with aspirations to be a taker.
My toxic trait is just being myself.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
It's not that I'm not a people person, it's just that I'm not a stupid people person.
If I ever sound inspirational, one of us is drunk.
If you don't have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
We all deserve morning sex and pancakes.
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
Buying her a toolbox for her birthday so she can fix her attitude .
I hate when my wife accuses me of something I didn't think she knew about.
69% of people will find something sexual in this sentence!
Let these little bundles of joy brighten your day and bring a smile to your face.
I wanna get kidnapped to see if I’m smart enough to escape.
Hellocination: when you wave at someone thinking they waved at you, but they were waving to someone else.
Then all of a sudden it hit me: I should have hung that ceiling fan higher.
The first rule of Paradox Club, is that there is no Paradox Club.
I tried to get into hypnosis school, but failed the en-trance exam.
So poligamy is just a marry go round.
The one thing I can say about the good old days is that I was neither good nor old.
I was going to run for president of the local pessimist group but I didn't think I would win.
A reality tv contest between two cartoonists ended in a draw.
I hate it when I'm talking to myself and suddenly realize I wasn't listening and have to start over.
Those who teach about eyes have pupils.
Life is like a river with beavers living in it. It's just one dam thing after another.
I've been played so much , I'm now available on play store.
My hobbies include seeing how long I can hold my breath underwater and meeting Life Guards.
Nonalcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries, fills you up
but without the buzz.
With funny one-liners laughter is just a punchline away!
I hate when people accuse me of lolly gagging when I’m quite clearly dilly dallying.
I know I said I never wanted to be involved in a repossession, but now I take it back.
I must be a polygamist because my wife is a Gemini.
Magicians. They can be tricky.
Time flies when you're wearing a watch inside an airplane.
Nobody flirts better than a girl that has absolutely no plans to have relationship.
Amazing how much difference there is between booty calling and butt dialing.
The best engineers have the worst handwriting.
My life is full of positives and negatives. I’m an electrical engineer.
I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.
I was going to join the apathy club but couldn't be bothered.
It's really expensive to be poor.
I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I'm in public. Thanks.
An arctic survey is called the north poll.