Get Your Daily Dose of Laughter with Our Funny One-Liners !

Those little nuggets of hilarity that pack a big punch!


"A good one-liner is like a shot of whiskey - it packs a punch and leaves you wanting more."

- Unknown

Oneliners collection.



They are like comedy dynamite, exploding with laughter in just a few words.


To be honest, I don't know what "TBH" or "IDK" mean.


People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.


A Polish fisherman is a fishing pole.


I wouldn't mind being cloned. Just keep that asshole away from me.


In my life I like to prioritise procrastination.


Take my advice, I'm not using it.


And so ends another week without me becoming unexpectedly rich.


My retirement plan involves getting hit by a car.


I remember when I was young and full of hope. I think it was a Tuesday.


Just remembered National Amnesia Day was yesterday.


My hips don't lie, but the bitch they belong to is a different story.


A sweater so itchy it feels like it was made from scratch.


Did you hear about the magician that turned his car into a driveway?


a 31% discount sounds fantastic until u realize u cant afford the remaining 69%.


I am so old I remember when global warming was called summer!



Embrace the power of one-liners and let the laughter flow like a mighty river.


Broke a mirror to insure I'll have seven more years.


I entered a sunbathing competition. I got bronze.


I just laugh stuff off cause prison doesn’t cook the food I like.


Dancing is like standing still, only faster.


A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.


It's important to get out of the house every once in a while to remind yourself why you don't go out.


If you wear granny panties, it's actually illegal for you to give fashion advice.


I do an amazing impression of a normal person. You really can't tell the difference.


Been there, done that... then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.


Pornographers will always find a way to fill any niche.


On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.


People who live in glass houses shouldn't. It's embarrassing.


I only offend stupid people and I'm sorry if that offends you.


I hate Cinco de Mayo said no Juan ever.


You can never dig half a hole.



Let these little bundles of joy brighten your day and bring a smile to your face.


Panic mode is panic with a scoop of ice cream on top.


I'm a giver with aspirations to be a taker.


My toxic trait is just being myself.


Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.


It's not that I'm not a people person, it's just that I'm not a stupid people person.


If I ever sound inspirational, one of us is drunk.


If you don't have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you.


My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.


We all deserve morning sex and pancakes.


Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.


Buying her a toolbox for her birthday so she can fix her attitude .


I hate when my wife accuses me of something I didn't think she knew about.


69% of people will find something sexual in this sentence!


I wanna get kidnapped to see if I’m smart enough to escape.


Hellocination: when you wave at someone thinking they waved at you, but they were waving to someone else.



With funny one-liners laughter is just a punchline away!


Then all of a sudden it hit me: I should have hung that ceiling fan higher.


The first rule of Paradox Club, is that there is no Paradox Club.


I tried to get into hypnosis school, but failed the en-trance exam.


So poligamy is just a marry go round.


The one thing I can say about the good old days is that I was neither good nor old.


I was going to run for president of the local pessimist group but I didn't think I would win.


A reality tv contest between two cartoonists ended in a draw.


I hate it when I'm talking to myself and suddenly realize I wasn't listening and have to start over.


Those who teach about eyes have pupils.


Life is like a river with beavers living in it. It's just one dam thing after another.


I've been played so much , I'm now available on play store.


My hobbies include seeing how long I can hold my breath underwater and meeting Life Guards.


Nonalcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries, fills you up
but without the buzz.


I hate when people accuse me of lolly gagging when I’m quite clearly dilly dallying.


I know I said I never wanted to be involved in a repossession, but now I take it back.




More oneliners on the following pages...


SEE also - The TOP MOST viewed Jokes - hilarious collection with top views:

They have been viewed so many times that they've practically become the unofficial currency of internet humor, making us wonder if we're all just living in a digital comedy club.