Dad Jokes: Laugh, Cringe and Share with the Family!

When I was younger, I had a terrible accident where I fell into an industrial upholstery machine.
It’s ok now. I’m fully recovered.

Did you know that Swedish warships have barcodes on them, so when they go into dock they can Scandinavian. 😜

A friend of mine can't afford their water bill, so I just sent them a get well soon card.

What do you call a nun that sleepwalks?
A roaming Catholic ✝

IF YOU FOUND A PICTURE OF BOTH OF YOUR MOM'S SISTERS WEARING YOUR JEANS, COULD THAT BE A CLEAR CASE OF..
AUNTS IN YOUR PANTS?? 👖

What did our parents do to kill boredom before social media?
I asked my 23 brothers and sisters and they don't know either..

My Mrs says I'm a rubbish electrician, well she's in for a shock. ⚡🔌

Do you think Locksmiths are key workers ? 🔑

Just heard on the TV that humans eat more bananas than monkeys..
Not surprised really, can't remember the last time I ate a monkey. 🙊🙉🙈

If a liar admitted that he's a liar, is he honest? 🤔

Q. What do you call an ill space man?
A. A gastronaught. 👩‍🚀

Did you hear about the two satellites that got married?

The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was amazing!

Question: What do you call 2 Doctors who Travel and work in an Ambulance? Answer: A Pair O' Medics 👨‍🍳👩‍🍳

Question: What did the Father Buffalo say when his male child left home? Answer: Bye,Son. 🐃

Dad: how's your results son.
Me: they're underwater
Dad: what???
Me: Below C level 🌊

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the pee is silent!

Was thinking about watching the movie "THE INVISIBLE MAN "
Then I realized there's probably not much to see.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef. 🐮

How do you save a sheep from choking?

You give it SheepPR

Went to a psychics convention earlier today. It wasnt fun, all the psychics were either mad or depressed. There was no happy medium.

What’s the difference between a Hippo and Zippo

Ones a little lighter 🔥

In the word laughter, letter ''l'' initiates and the others comes aughter it. 🤣

If you believe in telekinesis,
raise my hand. ✋

My son climbed up onto my shoulders last night and started reciting numbers "1... 2... 3..." I said "Hey! What are you doing? Get off of there..."

My son replied "Dad - don't let me down. I'm counting on you."🔢

A basketball player and a dwarf have robbed the local bank.

Police are looking high and low 🤪

If a woman sits on a table during her period, does it call periodic table? 👩‍🦰

“What did one warrior say to the other warrior after he chopped his feet off? You have been defeeted!” 🦶

I just want to give a shout out to sidewalks.
For keeping me off the streets.