Random dad joke:


My little son asked me where you find giant snails? Easy, on giantโ€™s fingers.

DAD jokes collection.



Selected dad jokes:


What does a dinosaur decorate his house with?.....
....... reptiles


Q: Why did the lawn mower quit it's job?
A: It was tired of being pushed around.


What is the opposite of Domino's?
...
Domi doesn't know!!!


Went out for a family meal last night, and we decided to try the duck for a change.
As usual, I ended up with the bill!



More dad jokes...


Q:Whats the longest word in the dictionary ?
A: SMILES ๐Ÿ˜€
because there is a mile between the first and last letter


If you saw a dude wearing a suit of armor happily singing outside, would you...
Just close your curtains and call it a knight??


You cannot take a picture
of a guy with a wooden leg,
you have to use
a camera. ๐Ÿ“ท


Racecar backwards is racecar
Racecar upside down is expensive. ๐ŸŽ


Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
That's right, owls hoo ๐Ÿฆ‰


What's blue and smells like yellow paint?....
Blue paint!!


A 5 year old just gave me a one-legged Batman doll.

Sure it's a nice gift, but I really can't stand it.


Did you hear about the guy who lost his whole left side?
Heโ€™s all right... ๐Ÿ˜ƒ


What do you call an Eskimo's house without a toilet?
An ig!!!


What did 0 say to 8?
Nice belt. ๐Ÿ˜Ž


Why couldn't the bicycle stay out late? He was two tired...


I wanted to buy a dozen bees at the apiary. The beekeeper presented me with thirteen. He said one was a freebie. ๐Ÿ


The difference between a crocodile and an alligator depends on whether you see them in a little while or you see them later. ๐ŸŠ


Have you ever tried archery blindfolded?
No? Well, you donโ€™t know what youโ€™re missing! ๐Ÿน


Do not spell the word "part" backward
It's a Trap.


If anyone finds a hearing aid can you give me a shout ? ๐Ÿ“ข


Last night I had a dream that I died, went to hell and Satan made me karaoke with him...that's right, the devil made me duet! ๐Ÿ‘บ


A beaver walks into a bar.
The bartender says "SHUT THE DAM DOOR" ๐Ÿšช


I only like 25 letters in the alphabet
I don't know "y"


I was washing the car with my son today.

A passer by said "maybe you should use a sponge next time"๐Ÿ˜ƒ


Orthodontists just announced they will go on nationwide strike.

Brace yourselves!


What did the tree say to autumn?

Leaf me alone.


What do you call a fly with no wings ? ........
A walk ๐Ÿšถโ€โ™€๏ธ


What do you call a person with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows. ๐Ÿ‘ƒ


my next book- "How to Fall Down a Staircase:
a step-by-step guide" ๐Ÿ“–


Do not believe the Belgian king. Frequently he waffles. I'm not going to sugar-coat it.


Which day do chickens

hate the most?

Friday. ๐Ÿ”


What do you call a bear with no teeth?
.
.
.
.
.
.
A gummy bear ๐Ÿป


How do you keep a dummy in suspense?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I'll tell you later.


I just ate a clock. It was time consuming. ๐Ÿงญ


Why donโ€™t you ever find hippos hiding in trees..?
Because theyโ€™re so good at it.


T-Rex hurt his knee.
He has a Dino Sore.


I can't say enough about dry erase boards... they're remarkable.


I didn't think orthopedic shoes would help.
But I stand corrected.


A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is.

A student puts up his hand and says "G".

The teacher says, "Why is that Angus?" ๐Ÿ˜ƒ


Woke up feeling like a banana. Anyway, speak to you later. Gotta split...๐ŸŒ


I was at the park wondering

"why is the frisbee getting bigger and bigger???

And then it hit me....!!!


I was at the park wondering

"why is the frisbee getting bigger and bigger???

And then it hit me....!!!


A guy tried to annoy me with "bird puns"...but I soon realized toucan play this game.


People nowadays are just way too judgemental.
You can tell just by looking at them.


What do you call a line of men, waiting for their haircut?

A barberqueue. ๐Ÿ’‡โ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ’‡โ€โ™€๏ธ


Ants never get sick because they have little anty-bodies.


Did you hear about the pirate that quit smoking... he used the patch.


If anyone knows a good fishing joke plz let minnow....


How do you get a country girl's attention?...
A tractor. ๐Ÿšœ


Teacher: Why did you lace only one shoe?
Student: underneath, it's boldly written 'Taiwan'..


What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador. ๐Ÿถ


Why was the shampoo so happy? He was head and shoulders above the the rest!


I've said it before and I'll say it again.

It. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ


What do you call a man laying on your door step with no arms and no legs?
Matt.


Wanted to produce a movie on how to fly fish. But couldnโ€™t get a good cast. ๐ŸŸ


Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump. ๐Ÿฆ˜


Why was the robot coupleโ€™s anniversary in the fall?
They were autumn mated. ๐Ÿค–


Question: What do you call alien eggs?
Answer: Eggstra-terrestrials! ๐Ÿฅš


What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it?
Biting into an apple and finding half a worm in it.


I'm reading a book about anti-gravity

It's impossible to put down!


Friend went to his doctor and was told he could ignore social distancing on Saturdays and Sundays.
He had a weekend immune system.


When I was younger, I had a terrible accident where I fell into an industrial upholstery machine.
Itโ€™s ok now. Iโ€™m fully recovered.


Did you know that Swedish warships have barcodes on them, so when they go into dock they can Scandinavian. ๐Ÿ˜œ


A friend of mine can't afford their water bill, so I just sent them a get well soon card.


What do you call a nun that sleepwalks?
A roaming Catholic โœ




IF YOU FOUND A PICTURE OF BOTH OF YOUR MOM'S SISTERS WEARING YOUR JEANS, COULD THAT BE A CLEAR CASE OF..
AUNTS IN YOUR PANTS?? ๐Ÿ‘–


What did our parents do to kill boredom before social media?
I asked my 23 brothers and sisters and they don't know either..


My Mrs says I'm a rubbish electrician, well she's in for a shock. โšก๐Ÿ”Œ


Do you think Locksmiths are key workers ? ๐Ÿ”‘


Just heard on the TV that humans eat more bananas than monkeys..
Not surprised really, can't remember the last time I ate a monkey. ๐Ÿ™Š๐Ÿ™‰๐Ÿ™ˆ


If a liar admitted that he's a liar, is he honest? ๐Ÿค”


Q. What do you call an ill space man?
A. A gastronaught. ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿš€


Did you hear about the two satellites that got married?

The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was amazing!


Question: What do you call 2 Doctors who Travel and work in an Ambulance? Answer: A Pair O' Medics ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿณ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿณ


Question: What did the Father Buffalo say when his male child left home? Answer: Bye,Son. ๐Ÿƒ


Dad: how's your results son.
Me: they're underwater
Dad: what???
Me: Below C level ๐ŸŒŠ


Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the pee is silent!


Was thinking about watching the movie "THE INVISIBLE MAN "
Then I realized there's probably not much to see.


What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef. ๐Ÿฎ


How do you save a sheep from choking?

You give it SheepPR


Went to a psychics convention earlier today. It wasnt fun, all the psychics were either mad or depressed. There was no happy medium.


Whatโ€™s the difference between a Hippo and Zippo

Ones a little lighter ๐Ÿ”ฅ


In the word laughter, letter ''l'' initiates and the others comes aughter it. ๐Ÿคฃ


If you believe in telekinesis,
raise my hand. โœ‹




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