Random dad joke:

My little son asked me where you find giant snails? Easy, on giantโ€™s fingers.

DAD jokes collection.

Selected dad jokes:

What does a dinosaur decorate his house with?.....
....... reptiles

Q: Why did the lawn mower quit it's job?
A: It was tired of being pushed around.

What is the opposite of Domino's?
Domi doesn't know!!!

Went out for a family meal last night, and we decided to try the duck for a change.
As usual, I ended up with the bill!

More dad jokes...

Q:Whats the longest word in the dictionary ?
because there is a mile between the first and last letter

If you saw a dude wearing a suit of armor happily singing outside, would you...
Just close your curtains and call it a knight??

You cannot take a picture
of a guy with a wooden leg,
you have to use
a camera. ๐Ÿ“ท

Racecar backwards is racecar
Racecar upside down is expensive. ๐ŸŽ

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Owls who?
That's right, owls hoo ๐Ÿฆ‰

What's blue and smells like yellow paint?....
Blue paint!!

A 5 year old just gave me a one-legged Batman doll.

Sure it's a nice gift, but I really can't stand it.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his whole left side?
Heโ€™s all right... ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

What do you call an Eskimo's house without a toilet?
An ig!!!

What did 0 say to 8?
Nice belt. ๐Ÿ˜Ž

Why couldn't the bicycle stay out late? He was two tired...

I wanted to buy a dozen bees at the apiary. The beekeeper presented me with thirteen. He said one was a freebie. ๐Ÿ

The difference between a crocodile and an alligator depends on whether you see them in a little while or you see them later. ๐ŸŠ

Have you ever tried archery blindfolded?
No? Well, you donโ€™t know what youโ€™re missing! ๐Ÿน

Do not spell the word "part" backward
It's a Trap.

If anyone finds a hearing aid can you give me a shout ? ๐Ÿ“ข

Last night I had a dream that I died, went to hell and Satan made me karaoke with him...that's right, the devil made me duet! ๐Ÿ‘บ

A beaver walks into a bar.
The bartender says "SHUT THE DAM DOOR" ๐Ÿšช

I only like 25 letters in the alphabet
I don't know "y"

I was washing the car with my son today.

A passer by said "maybe you should use a sponge next time"๐Ÿ˜ƒ

Orthodontists just announced they will go on nationwide strike.

Brace yourselves!

What did the tree say to autumn?

Leaf me alone.

What do you call a fly with no wings ? ........
A walk ๐Ÿšถโ€โ™€๏ธ

What do you call a person with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows. ๐Ÿ‘ƒ

my next book- "How to Fall Down a Staircase:
a step-by-step guide" ๐Ÿ“–

Do not believe the Belgian king. Frequently he waffles. I'm not going to sugar-coat it.

Which day do chickens

hate the most?

Friday. ๐Ÿ”

What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear ๐Ÿป

How do you keep a dummy in suspense?
I'll tell you later.

I just ate a clock. It was time consuming. ๐Ÿงญ

Why donโ€™t you ever find hippos hiding in trees..?
Because theyโ€™re so good at it.

T-Rex hurt his knee.
He has a Dino Sore.

I can't say enough about dry erase boards... they're remarkable.

I didn't think orthopedic shoes would help.
But I stand corrected.

A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is.

A student puts up his hand and says "G".

The teacher says, "Why is that Angus?" ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

Woke up feeling like a banana. Anyway, speak to you later. Gotta split...๐ŸŒ

I was at the park wondering

"why is the frisbee getting bigger and bigger???

And then it hit me....!!!

I was at the park wondering

"why is the frisbee getting bigger and bigger???

And then it hit me....!!!

A guy tried to annoy me with "bird puns"...but I soon realized toucan play this game.

People nowadays are just way too judgemental.
You can tell just by looking at them.

What do you call a line of men, waiting for their haircut?

A barberqueue. ๐Ÿ’‡โ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ’‡โ€โ™€๏ธ

Ants never get sick because they have little anty-bodies.

Did you hear about the pirate that quit smoking... he used the patch.

If anyone knows a good fishing joke plz let minnow....

How do you get a country girl's attention?...
A tractor. ๐Ÿšœ

Teacher: Why did you lace only one shoe?
Student: underneath, it's boldly written 'Taiwan'..

What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador. ๐Ÿถ

Why was the shampoo so happy? He was head and shoulders above the the rest!

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

It. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

What do you call a man laying on your door step with no arms and no legs?

Wanted to produce a movie on how to fly fish. But couldnโ€™t get a good cast. ๐ŸŸ

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump. ๐Ÿฆ˜

Why was the robot coupleโ€™s anniversary in the fall?
They were autumn mated. ๐Ÿค–

Question: What do you call alien eggs?
Answer: Eggstra-terrestrials! ๐Ÿฅš

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it?
Biting into an apple and finding half a worm in it.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity

It's impossible to put down!

Friend went to his doctor and was told he could ignore social distancing on Saturdays and Sundays.
He had a weekend immune system.

When I was younger, I had a terrible accident where I fell into an industrial upholstery machine.
Itโ€™s ok now. Iโ€™m fully recovered.

Did you know that Swedish warships have barcodes on them, so when they go into dock they can Scandinavian. ๐Ÿ˜œ

A friend of mine can't afford their water bill, so I just sent them a get well soon card.

What do you call a nun that sleepwalks?
A roaming Catholic โœ


What did our parents do to kill boredom before social media?
I asked my 23 brothers and sisters and they don't know either..

My Mrs says I'm a rubbish electrician, well she's in for a shock. โšก๐Ÿ”Œ

Do you think Locksmiths are key workers ? ๐Ÿ”‘

Just heard on the TV that humans eat more bananas than monkeys..
Not surprised really, can't remember the last time I ate a monkey. ๐Ÿ™Š๐Ÿ™‰๐Ÿ™ˆ

If a liar admitted that he's a liar, is he honest? ๐Ÿค”

Q. What do you call an ill space man?
A. A gastronaught. ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿš€

Did you hear about the two satellites that got married?

The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was amazing!

Question: What do you call 2 Doctors who Travel and work in an Ambulance? Answer: A Pair O' Medics ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿณ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿณ

Question: What did the Father Buffalo say when his male child left home? Answer: Bye,Son. ๐Ÿƒ

Dad: how's your results son.
Me: they're underwater
Dad: what???
Me: Below C level ๐ŸŒŠ

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the pee is silent!

Was thinking about watching the movie "THE INVISIBLE MAN "
Then I realized there's probably not much to see.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef. ๐Ÿฎ

How do you save a sheep from choking?

You give it SheepPR

Went to a psychics convention earlier today. It wasnt fun, all the psychics were either mad or depressed. There was no happy medium.

Whatโ€™s the difference between a Hippo and Zippo

Ones a little lighter ๐Ÿ”ฅ

In the word laughter, letter ''l'' initiates and the others comes aughter it. ๐Ÿคฃ

If you believe in telekinesis,
raise my hand. โœ‹

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