Jokes and Puns: Lighten up your day!

If laughter is the best medicine...


"I don't tell jokes to make people laugh. I tell them so they can see the deeper truth hidden within."

- George Carlin


Weird Bizarre Oddball Jokes
Weird Jokes meme.

Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated: 2025-05-29.



  1. Get ready for a comedy extravaganza.


  2. " You wanna go for a ride in my new truck? "
    Thats my pickup line.


    Friendship is like peeing your pants.
    Everyone can see it but only you feel the warmth.


    I went into the Library and said "I'm looking for a book on how to let customers down politely."
    The librarian said, "I'm terribly sorry sir but I can't help you with that."
    I said 'Yes, that's the one."


    Я спросил её: какой кофе она будет!??!
    Она ответила: я нелюблю кофя особенно експрессо....
    Я оху@л, и вышел с ристарана в акно...


    Why did the tectonic plates break up?
    It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.


    How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
    (You look for the Fresh Prints)


    С женщинами не так хорошо, как без них плохо.


    Good romance starts with a good friendship
    A bad romance starts with "ra ra ah ah ah. ro, ro ma ma ga ga, ooh la la,"


    Do you want a stable friendship?
    Get a horse.


    Sex ruined our friendship.
    I wish my buddy hadn't walked in on me and his wife.



  3. Where each joke is a sparkling gem of wit and humor.


  4. Сломай стереотип! Позвони маме и спроси, надела ли она шапку.


    New co-worker: Nice to meet you.

    Me: Give it time.


    We can drink a drink, but we can’t food a food.


    My wife just told me she wanted another baby.
    I agreed, the one we have now is really annoying.


    Did you know that all zodiac signs have a specific haircut ?....

    .......Well, except Cancer.


    Кроме исключительно русского словосочетания "да нет", есть ещё уникальное "давай бери".


    Three friends go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"


    What does the eagle say to his friends before they go out hunting for food? 'Let us prey.'


    Why did the Mushroom have lots of friends? Cause he's a fungi!


    What's the most unrealistic thing about the Harry Potter books? A ginger with two friends.



  5. Jokes and puns are like treasure troves of laughter waiting to be explored!


  6. Why did the zombie ignore all his Facebook friends? He was still DIGESTING all of his followers on Twitter!


    Why can't you be friends with a squirrel? They drive everyone nuts.


    In hell, everyone explains your joke.


    I often wonder what would happen if I coated a stick in Teflon?
    Would it not become a non-stick?


    What did one boob say to the other boob? You're my breast friend.


    What you get when you cross a ship called Titanic and an ocean called Atlantic?
    ... about halfway.


    I accidentally ruined my wife's Chic record.
    I hope she doesn't freak out.


    What is cut on a table, but is never eaten?
    A deck of cards.


    Water is never really yours. It's just your turn to drink it.


    Если ты неправ и молчишь - ты мудр.
    Если ты прав и молчишь - ты женат.



  7. It's like stumbling upon a comedy gold mine.


  8. There is nothing better than a friend …unless it’s a friend with chocolate.


    Friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.


    If you hurt my best friend, I can make your death look like an accident.


    Единственный способ похудеть с помощью зелёного чая - лезть в горы и собирать его там..


    Why do guys have to put the toilet seat down, but girls don't have to put it up?


    It was awkward silence for 8 hours straight,With an occasional sigh or heavy breath.
    Then she woke up and screamed: who the fuck are you?


    I got into an awkward situation by having an erection at the office.
    I was hard at work.


    My therapist says I'm socially awkward because I misinterpret what people say to me...
    I'm pretty sure she wants me.


    I went to a 4-year olds birthday party once, it was kinda awkward...
    ...probably because I wasn't invited...


    This guy was buying a pregnancy test. I looked at him and he looked back awkwardly.
    "It's not for me," he said, embarrassed. "It's for my sister."
    I said, "Sick bastard. Why are you having sex with her?"



  9. Where puns are always intended and jokes are always hilarious.


  10. "May I sleep with your sister?" is such an awkward question to ask.
    I have no idea how my dad is going to respond.


    Don’t believe everything you read in public toilets. Sharon is not up for a good time. What an awkward phone call that was...


    I had sex with a deaf girl and it got awkward really fast.
    Her sign language interpreter wouldn't leave the room.


    What do you say after sex to make it awkward?
    Do you have a washcloth? My dog usually cleans me up.


    How does a tree handle an awkward situation?
    It leaves.


    I was walking a girl home last night, and at some point, things got a little awkward.
    She turned around, and saw me walking her home.


    When the lockdown started, all I did was masturbate and watch TV all day.
    After 3 weeks it got awkward and my coworkers decided to tell me how to turn my camera off on Zoom.


    Prince Harry’s bachelor party had to be pretty awkward.
    He was putting pictures of his grandma in a strippers G string.


    What's an awkward moment for a homosexual when they're trying to use Google Maps?
    When it tells them to go straight.


    That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.



  11. Jokes and Puns: For when you need a good laugh.


  12. That awkward moment when the woman you’re dancing behind bends over so you can grind it. But it turns out she just dropped an earring, and no one else in Mcdonalds can hear the music on your iPod.


    My window cleaner caught me masturbating today. It was awkward.
    Maybe I shouldn't have been standing in his garden.


    My sister and my new girlfriend have the same name. That‘s so awkward... now every time we have sex I gotta think about my new girlfriend.


    My wife reckons that recently I have become an awkward, arrogant cunt, and she just can't understand me.
    Seems like my French classes are going really well.


    If you think buying condoms is awkward,
    Try returning them. I haven't been laid in forever.


    My wedding night with my wife was awkward...
    When we undressed I told her she was beautiful and looked like a goddess in the moonlight. She told me it looked like my hard on was trying to ask my butt a question.


    My proctologist tried to ease the awkwardness after the unexpected orgasm by telling me it's perfectly natural.
    I just wish he'd have aimed away from me.


    A pirate awkwardly stumbles into a bar.
    Bartender: What's wrong?

    Pirate: Aye, a scallywag shoved me boat's steering wheel down me pants and it's stuck there in me crotch!

    Bartender: That sounds painful.

    Pirate: Aye, it's a driving me nuts.


    A girl suggested I set up a double date to make our first time out less awkward.
    I really hope my parents like her.


    My nerdy friend got a Ph.D on the History of Palindromes.
    He’s now Dr.Awkward.



  13. Jokes and Puns: The cure for a bad mood.


  14. That Awkward moment when you pay $2 for Evian water.
    and notice if spelled backwards your Naive.


    It's awkward touching hands with a woman in a popcorn bag.
    Especially if you don't know her and she doesn't know that you're eating her popcorn.


    That awkward moment when at the end she wanted a handshake, but you went on for a full french kiss
    That job interview wasn’t really going anywhere, anyway.


    What's the difference between awkward and uncomfortable?
    Underwear can be uncomfortable, but when you involve other people in the problem it gets awkward.


    I was watching porn last night when my grandmother suddenly walked in.
    ⁠ It was an awkward way to find out what she did for a living.


    My first orgy was an experience to remember. I expected to it to be full of awkwardness and disappointment.
    But thankfully all my cousins were really supportive.


    That awkward moment when you're having sex with a German girl and she keeps yelling "Nine!"
    Like, are you just yelling your age or are ten of us too many?


    I went on a date for the first time and it went very poorly.
    My wife agreed it was very awkward and told me we shouldn't try it again any time soon.


    My girlfriend bought me the karma sutra.
    Which put me in a very awkward position.


    I wanna try asking out my school crush, but it might come off as awkward.
    Man being a teacher is hard.


  15. Jokes and Puns: The ultimate source of laughter.


  16. That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke, and get no reaction.
    I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.


    I hate shower sex.
    It's slippery, awkward, and one of the worst things about prison.


    Giving prostate exams is one of the more awkward parts of being a doctor.
    I just hope my patients don't realize im a dentist.


    What happens when you get a 100 socially awkward people together in a room?
    Nothing.


    Пусть моются те, кому лень чесаться...


    "Яжматери" обычно имеют детей от "ябвдулов".


    У той России, у которой из союзников только армия и флот, врагов, собственно, тоже немного: образование и культура.


    When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."


    How does the Pope pay for things on eBay? He uses his Papal account.


    When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.




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