If laughter is the best medicine...
"I don't tell jokes to make people laugh. I tell them so they can see the deeper truth hidden within."
- George Carlin
Weird never felt so funny. - Updated: 2025-09-18.
Get ready for a comedy extravaganza.
Where each joke is a sparkling gem of wit and humor.
Jokes and puns are like treasure troves of laughter waiting to be explored!
It's like stumbling upon a comedy gold mine.
Where puns are always intended and jokes are always hilarious.
Jokes and Puns: For when you need a good laugh.
Jokes and Puns: The cure for a bad mood.
Jokes and Puns: The ultimate source of laughter.
Libertas perfundet omnia luce.
Freedom will flood all things with light.
Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo.
If I cannot move Heaven, I will raise Hell.
Vivamus, moriendum est.
To live, we must die.
Malo mori quam foedari.
I would rather die than be dishonored.
Ut ameris, amabilis esto.
To be loved, be lovable.
Inis vitae sed non amoris.
The end of life, but not of love.
Ubi amor, ibi dolor.
Where there's love, there's pain.
Amor vincit omnia.
Love conquers all.
Ars longa, vita brevis.
Art is long, life is short.
In absentia lucis, Tenebrae vincunt.
In the absence of light, darkness prevails.
Creo quia absurdum est.
I believe because it is absurd.
Ad meliora.
Toward better things.
Natura non constristatur.
Nature is not saddened.
Audentes fortuna iuvat.
Fortune favors the bold.
Ad astra per aspera.
Through adversity to the stars.
Carthago delenda est.
Carthage must be destroyed.
Acta, non verba.
Deeds, not words.
Et tu, Brute?
“And you, Brutus?”
In vino veritas.
In wine, there is truth.
Cogito, ergo sum.
I think, therefore I am.
Carpe diem.
Seize the day.
Alea iacta est.
The die has been cast.
Veni, vidi, vici.
I came, I saw, I conquered.
Music puns sometimes hit the high notes.
I told a joke about a one-legged chair.
It didn’t sit well.
My wife says I'm childish.
Well, she's just a stinky poo face.
Colleague at work asked for advice so I told him to be himself.
Last time I do that. Turns out he's a complete asshole.
I saw the electric pencil sharpeners in Staples but failed to find the electric pencils.
Socialists say “publicly owned”. What they mean is “State controlled”.
Socialists say “Government aid”. What they mean is “taxpayers' aid”.
Socialists say “social justice”. What they mean is “selective justice”.
Socialists say “equality”. What they mean is “levelling down”.
Why do they twist the truth like this? Because they dare not spell out the Socialist reality.
M.T.
I used to be addicted to time travel, but that’s all in the future now.
What do you call a mouse that swears?
A cursor.
A radioactive cat has 18 half-lives.
Your accent is your voice’s font.
Why do single people dislike Git so much?
Because they're afraid to commit.
How is Twitter like Playboy?
No one reads the articles.
What store do Storm Troopers shop at?
The store next to Target.
The universe is comprised of protons, electrons, neutrons and, sadly, morons.
We pay tax on items we purchase with money we earn that has already been taxed.
I met a man named Mr. Ippy. His wife is Mrs. Ippy.
Дай дураку хрен стеклянный, он и хрен разобьет и руки порежет…
Stop hating yourself for everything.
Be specific.
I haven’t had sex in so long my foreskin is growing back.
100% of Americans think 50% of Americans have lost their minds.
У вас есть проблемы с алкоголем?
У меня нет.
Иду и покупаю.
What do whales eat near the Titanic?
Five Guys!!!
I read a book on how to end a sentence with Beatles songs.
I should finish it when I get back.
Monetization without creativity is a job.
Creativity without monetization is a hobby.
So…get creative, get monetized, and get paid.
It's a fact a lot of us do NOT know the meaning of the French word "pourquoi".
⚜️
Translate that into English and you'll see why.
Do they sell extra slutty olive oil ?
В российских школах отключат звонки, чтобы дети не ждали перемен.
There are countless more important things in life than money — if you have enough money.
I just laugh stuff off cause prison doesn’t cook the food I like.
"Happiness is just results minus expectations."
- The Psychology of Money
If you own a strip club in Poland, you have to polish your Polish pole with Polish pole polish.
I'm so poor, when someone stole my identity it ruined their life.
Happy slaves are the biggest enemy of freedom.
Tips for giving head: just do it.
Girls don't actually shop...
We just walk around touching clothes saying "This is cute".
Them: what inspires you to get out of bed every morning?
Me: my bladder mostly.
Guys, I know this sounds crazy, but I'm starting to think politicians make false promises just to get elected.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
— John 3:16
“Call upon me, I will respond to you.”
— Quran 40:603
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
— Psalm 27:1
“No one will reap except what they sow.”
— Quran 6:1646
“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
— Jeremiah 29:11
“Do not lose hope, nor be sad.”
— Quran 3:1392
I never delete work emails just incase people start acting up...
"I'm sorry Susan, that's not what you were saying on January 2nd 2019 at 10:48am".
What's whisky?
Wussian woulette.
I just saw a sign that made me piss myself.
'Toilet Closed.'
My ex husband just texted me, "Wish you were here."
He does that every time he walks through a cemetery.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
Bible (Christianity) - Proverbs 3:5-6:
"There is no compulsion in religion. The right direction is henceforth distinct from error."
Quran (Islam) - Surah Al-Baqarah 2:256:
"You have the right to work only but never to its fruits. Let not the fruits of action be your motive, nor let your attachment be to inaction."
Bhagavad Gita (Hinduism) - Chapter 2, Verse 47:
"To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas."
Dhammapada (Buddhism) - Verse 183:
"There is but one God. True is His Name, creative His personality and immortal His form. He is without fear sans enmity, unborn and self-illumined. By the Guru's grace, He is obtained."
Guru Granth Sahib (Sikhism) - Page 1:
"The Way of the Gods is manifested in the natural world, and the spirits of the departed are close to us."
- Kojiki (Shinto)
"The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao. The name that can be named is not the eternal name."
Tao Te Ching (Taoism) - Chapter 1:
"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful."
- Buddha, Buddhism
"In truth, all life is sorrowful. Whoever understands this, understands life."
- The First Noble Truth, Buddhism
"Indeed, Allah is with the patient."
- Surah Al-Anfal (8:46)