Wordplay Wonderland: Puns That Will Leave You Punderstruck!

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. 📺

It's not that the aspiring clown did not know how to juggle ... he just didn't have the balls to do it...🤓

When I watched
The Omen backwards,
I found Nemo. 🐟

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

If anyone knows how to reverse plastic surgery, I'm all ears!

Why was fiddler afraid to go to the city? Lots of violins
🤔 🎻 👀

The only City I'm gonna visit after lockdown ends is Obesity. 🏙

In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes. 😐

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?

A father in law. ✝️👨‍🎓

I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I think I nailed it but nobody saw it.

I used to work at a bank 🤔
but I lost interest 🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️

A hole was found in the wall of a nudist camp.
The police are looking into it. 👮🏿‍♂️

Bought a bunch of boats today, couldn’t resist they were on sail.🚤⛵🚢

A mathematician in quarantine began to eat his chips. He ate 1 then another, then 2, then 3, then 5 then 8...
He was stuck in a fibbi-nacho sequence. 📈

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.🤓

Well I wanted to make a joke about social distancing but this is as close as I could get.

My friend called me up freaking out saying an evil wizard had turned him into a harp. I rushed over to his house as fast as I could just to find out that he's a big lyre. 🤒

When I accidentally stabbed myself with a pencil, I drew blood. 🩸

Gentleman tip: If a lady sends pictures of her privates to you, you will respectfully thank for the cuntent provided.

How do you throw a space party?
You planet! 🥳🎉🎈

What’s the difference between in-laws &outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted. 🤣

Shooting at NASCAR event. Police believe it was race related. 🚗

What did the Bra say to the hat? You go on a head I'll give these two a lift. 👒

Why did the bee get married?
Because he found his honey. 🐝

How does Moses make his coffee?

He brews it.

If I ever have twin daughters I'll name them
Kate & Duplikate 👧👧

I hate insects puns, they really bug me. 🐜

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it. 😋

If I ever have twin daughters I'll name them
Kate & Duplikate. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

Ladies: If he can't appreciate fruit jokes, let that mango 🥭

I broke one of my fingers at work today.
On the other hand, everything is ok....👨‍🎤

Does the Arachnophobia helpline have a web site? 🕷️🕸️

What does a crocodile use to recover from an injury.
A Gatorade. 😀

Who can drink two litters of gasoline?
Jerry can. ⛽😲

My girlfriend left me for an electrician. He promised her the earth!

I usually wake up grumpy. But today I let her sleep in. 😎

Where do boats go when they get sick?

To the dock. 🤙

What do you call a Frenchman wearing summer beach sandals?
Phillipe Phloppe.

My friend said he wanted me to try an exorcise bike, so i called a priest, washed it in holy water, and cast it out. 🚳

What did Salvador Dali have for breakfast?
A bowl of surreal. 🎨🖌🖼

I wanted to become a doctor, but I didn't have the patience. 🥼

The more you cut corners the closer you are to going in circles. 🍥

I warned my daughter against using her whistle in the house and gave her one last chance, but she blew it.

What do u call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto.

An oxymoron walked into a bar...
The silence was deafening.

I saw a man sucking on a car muffler yesterday. When I asked him about it he said he was exhausted.

PLEASE DO NOT EVER LOOK AT SQUIRREL POOP.
IT'S FREAKN NUTS.

Me; Is your Name Ladesh?
Him: Why?
Me; Because I wanna Bang-Ladesh

A man sued an airline company after they couldn’t find his luggage.
He lost his case.

Are bras measured in cups cuz titties have milk in them ? 🍼

That seminar I was going to: “How to avoid frauds” has been canceled. Turns out tickets are non-refundable. 🎫

You never hear about the 8th or 9th dwarves, Pushy & Bully.
Little things, mean a lot.

There's only three ways to come out of this lockdown: a hunk, a chunk or a drunk. 🥃

How are you getting exercise during the quarantine? Me, I'm running my mouth and jumping to conclusions.

I met the president of a needle company. He wasn't a nice guy.

In fact...... He was a prick. 😃

Did you know McDonald's once considered having snails on the menu?
They decided against it of course because it wasn't fast food! 🐌

People who work at a pickle factory really Relish their jobs. 🌶

I think my masturbation problem just got out of hand😃

Have you ever seen me tie my shoelaces with the power of my mind?
I thought knot.

Sign at the Urologist's office: URINE good hands.

What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
Every morning you will rise and shine! 👞🤩

A four-foot-tall fortune teller escaped from prison. He was a small medium at Large. 🔮

What do say to a British friend who's just been injured ?
UK?

My friend wanted to tell me an IKEA pun but she couldn't put it together. 🪑🔨

What's the difference between people from Dubai and people from Abu Dhabi?
People from Dubai don't watch the Flintstones, people from abu dhabi dooooo

I sometimes revert to using imperial measurements of length...

But not furlong

I was just wondering why it's called bathroom towel and not John Linen.......

She calls me ankle, I call her knees.😕

Therapist: Can you explain why you are so odd?
Patient: I can't even.

Nurse: How would you rate your pain?

Me: 1 star. Would NOT recommend

What did the soup write on his valentine? U make miso happy 🍲

I have an inferiority complex but yours is probably better.

I gave that movie 3.14 stars!
Cause I pi-rated it. 🎦

A carpenter wanted to make a pun joke but he wasn’t sure if it woodwork.

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months. 📆

I lived in a Houseboat and dated the girl next door!
It didn't work out- sadly
we drifted apart...

When your foot falls asleep it actually goes coma toes.

A guy just threw milk at me... How dairy?!

Be sure no one ever pours salt on you

Because they would be assaulting you!! 🧂

I don’t trust stairs.

They’re always up to something. 🖕