Clean Jokes for All: A Family-Friendly Laughter Extravaganza.

I made shoes out of banana peels and ended up with a pair of slippers!

I just found out AUGGHHH isn’t a real word.

I can’t express how that makes me feel.

FUN FACT:
Research has shown that people are happiest at 7:26pm on Saturday evening.

Why did the robot cross the road? Because he was programmed to do it.

Who is the most famous footwear philosopher? Sockrates.

FUN Fact:
A new study found that overall, Android users are more honest than iPhone users.

Welcome to the Assumption Club.
I think we all know why we are here.

Beauty is only skin deep.
Thank goodness I’m thick skinned

FUN Fact:
The Japanese passenger who survived the titanic crash was marked as a coward by his country for not dying with the other passengers.

What does ET stand for? Because someone took his sofa.

Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.

Won a prize in the local time travel club raffle. Two tickets to the 1966 World Cup final.

I drove by a truck carrying canned orange juice and I almost got into an accident.

I should have concentrated on the road.

FUN Fact:
New York is the most destroyed city in movie history.

s,ɹɐǝ⅄ ʍǝN

- New Year's Revolution

Sun to Earth, on the night of 31st December:

"Let's have another round, shall we?"

I consider myself an art and history buff...

I just Louvre museums!!

How much does a Mustang cost?
More than you can af-Ford.

FUN Fact:
It is estimated that millions of trees in the world are accidentally planted by squirrels who bury nuts and then forget where they hid them.

FUN Fact:
There is no single food that provides all the nutrients that humans need, except for breast milk.

Being old on New Year’s Eve:

“Alexa set an alarm for 11:59 PM.”

New year, new you. Join the Witness Protection Program.

My new year’s resolution is to stop using spray on deodorant.
Roll on 2022.

FUN Fact:
Science says that each glass of water you drink contains at least one molecule of water that has once passed through the digestive system of a dinosaur.

FUN Fact:
Pirates wore eye patches to have one eye adjusted for the top deck and the other already adjusted for the darkness when going below deck.

FUN Fact:
When you remember a past event, you are actually remembering the last time you remembered it, not the event itself.

FUN Fact:
Unfaithful men have lower IQs according to a scientific study.

FUN Fact:
When you blush, and your face turns red, so does the inside of your stomach.

FUN Fact:
Without your pinky finger, you would lose 50% of your hand strength.

I still don't know what I'm wearing to the living room for New Years Eve.

To be honest,

I might not even go.

FUN FACT!
The entrance to the Hogwarts gym is called 'The Dumbbell Door'

My pandemic laundry is 75% pajamas and 25% running clothes that I wear as pajamas.

People call me self centered.

But that's enough about them.

Humpty Dumpty had a terrible winter.
Which sucks because he had a great fall.

My bike has a flat. I guess I'll have to retire it.

Bumped into the chap who sold me a miniature globe for Christmas yesterday...

It's a small world..

FUN fact:
People who swear a lot tend to be more honest, upfront, and loyal with their friends, partners and family.

I always think the thumb is on the left side...

On the other hand, it might be on the right side.

Last night I looked at my feet and realized how much they look alike. Then it dawned on me - they’re solemates!

I'm an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water.

It's my special-tea.

How much does a grand piano cost?
$1000.

I’ve just watched two guys arguing in sign language. Either that, or they were both really bad at karate.

How many bones are in a human hand? A handful.

Radio Yerevan was asked: "Was comrade Lenin a scientist or a politician?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "Of course, a politician. If he were a scientist, he would've first tried his theories on dogs."

Can radio be an addiction?
Depends on the frequency.

What do you call an average radio?
Stereo typical.

What do baby elfs learn in Kindergarten at the North Pole?
The elf-abet.

I am a real hard man, they call me Pinocchio. Why? Wooden you like to know.

Genie: What is your final wish?

Boy: I wish I were you.

Genue: weurd but alrught.

I wanted to be an archeologist in the 1970s, but my girlfriend couldn’t dig it.

Saw a journalist interviewing someone from my local bike shop. Turns out it was the spokesman.

My brother's wife left him because he was bankrupted from gambling debts.
He's trying to win her back but I don't fancy his chances.

Why did the robot have some trouble focusing at school on Monday? He was a little rusty!

What do you call a Friday that is not serious about anything in life? Casual Friday.

Why did Friday go to visit a doctor? He was week.

What’s scarier than Friday the 13th? Mondays.

When do rich people celebrate Black Friday? Every day.

When people name their town Plainview, at least they're honest enough to admit it's not much to look at.

Flat Earthers has been quiet recently.
They kind of fell off...

I learned from my mistakes so I decided to make more mistakes to learn more.