Random dad joke:


If your dentist fixed your cavities with different colors, would you be ok with that, or would you have..
..mixed fillings??

DAD jokes collection.



Selected dad jokes:


I saw two policemen chasing a person who had just stolen a board game of little value.
It was a really trivial pursuit.


Just had a meal in the new Titanic Restaurant, It didn't go down well. it was a disaster!


Went to a psychics convention earlier today. It wasnt fun, all the psychics were either mad or depressed. There was no happy medium.


What do you call a pea that's in a bad mood? Grumpy.



More dad jokes...


Q: Why did the lawn mower quit it's job?
A: It was tired of being pushed around.


Where do crows go to clean up?
The Caw-Wash.


The invisible man came up to me and started telling me some great big lies -
but I could see right through him.


You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but I hear they can’t keep their heads above water.


A store was selling paddles 2 for 1. Everyone went crazy. Lineups galore. Almost started a riot. I guess it was a big oar deal.


Why did the giant rip off the top of a mountain?
He wanted to take a peak.


Mother hens show their chicks how to behave by setting a good eggsample.


What do you call a pea that's in a bad mood? Grumpy.


How do chickens understand things? They use hencyclopedias.


What do you call a smart sun?
Bright.


Why did the banana stay the night at his friends house? He was slipping over.


Why didn’t the dog want to wrestle??

He was a boxer.


Teacher asked a little kid "how old is your dad"?
Kid - "6 years old Miss"
Teacher - how can he be 6 years old?

Kid- he became a dad when I was born. 😎


DAD: today am not okay, am feeling dizzy and seeing stars 🌟 🌟
SON: have you seen the doctor?
DAD:no, only stars.


Went to the local store to get some screws.
He said how long do you want them ?
I said I was hoping to keep them.


How do trains eat?

Chew chew chew.....


Kid: "Dad what's leather made from?"
Dad: "Hide".
Kid: "What???"
Dad: "Hide... a cows outside".
Kid: "I'm not afraid of a cow..."


Son: Dad, where do you work?
Me: I hunt extraterrestrials
Son: Extraterrestrials don't exist!
Me: Have you seen one?
Son: No...
Me: You're welcome...


Son: Where are my sunglasses?
Dad: I don't know... where are my dadglasses?


What does a snowman take when hes feeling ill?

A chill pill.


What kind of cup doesn't hold water? Cupcake.


Son: "Dad, why are you wearing a suit made of crackers?"

Dad: "I'm puttin' on the ritz!"


What’s the difference between a foot and a camera?
The foot has five toes.
The camera has photos.


How do Brazilians get ready for bed?
They put their paj-amazon!


What noise annoys an oyster?
Any noise annoys an oyster but a noisy noise annoys an oyster most.


Why did the sun go to school?
To get brighter.


I asked my Dad why he decided to buy a boat?

He said "There was a sail."


Son: Dad, for $20 I will be good.
Dad: Oh yeah! When I was your age, I was good for nothing.


My daughter asked me what "inexplicable" means.
I said "It's hard to explain."


Dad: Question everything.

Son: Why?


Daughter: “Daddy, why didn’t I get a sunburn?”
Dad: “You can’t, honey?”
Daughter: “Really?”
Dad: “You can only get a daughterburn.”


What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluf.
What's blue and fluffy?
Pink fluf holding its breath.


I USED TO BE A MAKE-UP ARTIST IN THE MOVIES SON.
REALLY DAD?
NO, NOT REALLY, I JUST MADE IT UP.


What cat should you never play cards with? A Cheetah!


Restaurant hostess: Do you have reservations?
Dad: No, I'm confident I want to eat here.


My son, a dentist, won the Dentist of The Year Award, but all he got was a little plaque.


My dad always said I loved alphabet soup growing up.
But really it was just him putting words in my mouth.


Bought a new shrub trimmer today! I proudly it showed my son, "Check this out!"
He replied, "That's great, dad." I said..."It's cutting hedge technology!"


I used to know a deaf fisherman.
He wore a herring aid.


What is the best season to jump on a trampoline? - Springtime.


What did the hammer say when he accomplished something?
Nailed it.


My dad once told me to always remember that I am unique just like everyone else.


I did a kids workout yesterday and I’m really feeling it in my head, shoulders, knees and toes.


Why is blue the best color?
It's cyan-tifically proven.


What is made of leather, a foot long, and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe.


What runs around a yard with out moving?
A fence.


You know what kind of outfit a house wears?
Address!


I've decided to make an elite army of babies.

I'll call them The Infantry.


Can a match box?
No, but a tin can.


What kind of tea do astronauts not drink in space? Gravi-Tea!


Every time my son asks me to put his shoes on, I tell him they won’t fit me.


What kind of vitamin improves your eyesight?

Vitamin see!


I’m entering the worlds tightest hat competition.

Just hope I can pull it off.


How do train passengers eat their food?
They choo choo it!


My kid ran over my foot with his bicycle.
I had to lay down, I was just "two tired".


Son: Dad someone said you sound like an Owl.
Dad: Who?


My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn’t letter. They said only mails work here....😂


What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

Short.


What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?

Freeze a jolly good fellow....


My son’s new coach is a 7 foot tall former NBA star. He’s not a very good coach, but everyone still
looks up to him.


Which is faster, hot or cold?

Hot, because you can catch a cold.


When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
Now I'm homeless.


I love going outdoors... It's much safer than going outwindows.


Why was the lamp not heavy?

Because it's light.


''Dad, there's a man at the door with a bald head''
''Tell him i've got one''


What do you say to your sister when she’s crying?
Are you having a crisis?


My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.

Me: “How do you know it was going to school?”


I gave my girlfriend a pendant with a picture of me inside it.
I’m Independent.


What does Italian ghost eat?
Spookghetti


I decided to read my dictionary in bed last night but I didn't finish it.
I got up to P.


"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.


Why are kids so good at Minecraft?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because they're minors.


Sometimes I tuck my knees up to my chest and lean forward... That's just how I roll.


My dad worked 10 hours a day to put food on the table.
Great dad
But a really slow cook.


All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together.

At first it's boring, then it's riveting.


I just found out they won't be making 12 inch rulers any longer.


I just released my own dad fragrance.

Nobody else in the car seemed to like it.


I came out to my Car this morning, and it was completely covered in fallen leaves..
..you could call it an Autumnobile now!


If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?
Thanks for the Baghdad!


i once fell in love with a girl that only knew 4 vowels.

unfortunately she didn't know i existed.




More dad jokes, puns and wordplays on the following pages...