Random dad joke:


Son: Dad, for $20 I will be good.
Dad: Oh yeah! When I was your age, I was good for nothing.

DAD jokes collection.



Selected dad jokes:


You know what kind of outfit a house wears?
Address!


A 747 had a bad Landing this morning, bouncing down the runway. Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.


What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and an angry cow?
Two animals in a baaaaaaad moooooood.


What did our parents do to kill boredom before social media?
I asked my 23 brothers and sisters and they don't know either..



More dad jokes...


Hey Doc! Can you throw an extra stitch in there?
First joke immediately after becoming a Dad for the first time.


Dad - Hey! You know how to count to three in Roman numerals?
Family member - I, II, III...?
Dad - You don't have to stutter, just say you don't know!


A dragon would never explode but a dino might.


What’s the best way to count cows?
With a cowculator.


I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad!


"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?" "Sofishticated."


Dad holding up
a chunk of lettuce on his fork:
You may think this is a wedge of lettuce, but it’s really just the tip of the iceberg!


What mammal serves in the military? An Armydillo.


My son wouldn’t stop climbing over the back of the boat so I gave him a stern warning.


When a dad joke has been around a long time does it become a grandpa joke?


My dad always insisted on feeding me alphabet soup…it wasn’t till years later I realised he was just putting words into my mouth.


what do you call a crying cow?
mooody.


Dad's do NOT snore! We simply dream we're a motorcycle.


How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.


How do you train to be a pirate?
You have to attend a semin-arrrgh.


What kind of house weighs the least?
A lighthouse.


Dad: Do you know the word STOP?
Kid: Yes
Dad: Spell it
Kid: S-T-O-P
Dad: IT. I asked you to spell IT


What kind of boat do talkative people sail? A chatamaran.


What kind of newspaper do cows read

The moo York times.


What kind of newspaper do cows read

The moo York times.


Dad yelling: Has anyone seen my hammerfor
Me: What the heck’s a hammerfor?
Dad: Knocking in nails!


It’s a fact that most people won’t make an appointment to see the dentist until after 2:30.


My son said to me "is it Summer out in the ocean?", i said "do yo mean the sea son"


What tastes better than it smells?
A tongue!


Have you got bills to pay? If you do, please give it back. He looks silly bald.


I dropped some mint candy on my foot, now i have a tic-tac toe.


Why don't you see the energizer bunny's dad?

He went to the shop to get some milk and kept going, and going, and going.


A truck carrying a load of candy crashed! It was a candy crush!


What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and an angry cow?
Two animals in a baaaaaaad moooooood.


What did the orange say to the lemon??
Hello lemon.


If Noah wanted to save the dinosaurs, he should have buit the jurassic ark.


What kind of key opens a banana?
A monkey!!!


Q: Why did the lawn mower quit it's job?
A: It was tired of being pushed around.


Where do crows go to clean up?
The Caw-Wash.


The invisible man came up to me and started telling me some great big lies -
but I could see right through him.


You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but I hear they can’t keep their heads above water.


A store was selling paddles 2 for 1. Everyone went crazy. Lineups galore. Almost started a riot. I guess it was a big oar deal.


Why did the giant rip off the top of a mountain?
He wanted to take a peak.


Mother hens show their chicks how to behave by setting a good eggsample.


What do you call a pea that's in a bad mood? Grumpy.


How do chickens understand things? They use hencyclopedias.


What do you call a smart sun?
Bright.


Why did the banana stay the night at his friends house? He was slipping over.


Why didn’t the dog want to wrestle??

He was a boxer.


Teacher asked a little kid "how old is your dad"?
Kid - "6 years old Miss"
Teacher - how can he be 6 years old?

Kid- he became a dad when I was born. 😎


DAD: today am not okay, am feeling dizzy and seeing stars 🌟 🌟
SON: have you seen the doctor?
DAD:no, only stars.


Went to the local store to get some screws.
He said how long do you want them ?
I said I was hoping to keep them.


How do trains eat?

Chew chew chew.....


Kid: "Dad what's leather made from?"
Dad: "Hide".
Kid: "What???"
Dad: "Hide... a cows outside".
Kid: "I'm not afraid of a cow..."


Son: Dad, where do you work?
Me: I hunt extraterrestrials
Son: Extraterrestrials don't exist!
Me: Have you seen one?
Son: No...
Me: You're welcome...




More dad jokes, puns and wordplays on the following pages...