Wordplay Wonderland: Puns That Will Leave You Punderstruck!

If you see a dude walking down your street singing in a suit of armor, would you just close your curtains and
..call it a knight?

Great news..
I've just got a job at the chess factory, bad news is I'm on knights next week.

My friend Lee goes by his middle name because his first name is Unfortunate.

Fact: There have never been any successful jokes about the Jonestown Massacre. It's because the punch line is always too long.

What did the plumber say when he left his wife?
Its over flo........

My burger came with pickles, even though I didn’t want any. Now I gotta dill with it.

The decision to legalize marijuana was made by a high government official.

I entered 10 puns in a pun contest
Hoping one would win?
But no pun in-ten-did!

My friend tiled my roof for me.
I asked him how much I owed him?
He said "Nothing - it's on the house"

I like taking photos of myself standing next to boiling water.
My doctor says i have selfie steam issues.

I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth. Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent!

What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An ANTique 😁😁😁

What do you call a guy who's always listening?
Mike.

A cement mixer has been stolen. The police have some clues, but nothing concrete....

My colleague can no longer attend next week's Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.

I thought I was pregnant, but it was a missed conception.

My wife has started manufacturing tennis equipment.
I couldn’t sleep last night with the racket she was making

Argentina might not be cold in the summer, but it is pretty close to chilly.

I was going to tell a great joke about oceans, but it might be...
...too deep. 🌊

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.

I gave my Ford Fiesta some Adderall.
Now its a Ford Focus.

Puns are like farts. We all make 'em but some of us are just a little more proud of them than others.

My frequent chiropractor visits turned me into a crack addict.

My girlfriend and I are both anthropologists, but we date other people.

Will you stop bothering me unless you're gonna lend me money?!
Why don't you LEAVE ME A LOAN?!

The wife wanted a Pandora bracelet for her birthday, so I've met her halfway and got her a pan.

I'd make a pun about my dick,but y'all wouldn't get it.

I bet my butcher that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf, but he wouldn't take the bet because the steaks were too high.

I've got a phobia of over-engineered buildings. It's a complex complex complex.

As suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.

My friend accidentally swallowed a clock...He had some alarming side effects.

Why was the tree excited about the future?
It was ready to turn over a new leaf!

I always thought I would never be able to sing along with another person.

But today, I was finally able to duet!

It's okay if you have no idea what "prefix" means. It's not the end of the word.

People ask me why live in Switzerland?
Well, the flag is obviously a plus.😎

Don't take pregnant women seriously during delivery. They are kidding.

A cousin of mine who had a stuttering problem just died in prison. Poor guy didn't even finish a sentence😢

Had my coffee cup stolen this morning.
Spent all day at the police station looking at mugshots.😇

I met a sexy electrician!
She LED me on,
and I couldn't resistor.

Are puns about Amputation allowed??
Or maybe they're too Lame.

I really hate telling people that I'm a taxidermist so instead when people ask me what I do for a living I say...you know....stuff 😎

Just bought a fantastic book "How to not procrastinate." I'm going to read it tomorrow.

What's the difference between counterfeit cash and an angry hare?

One is bad money and the other's a mad bunny.

About 4 years ago, I made a big decision to remove all the side & rear view mirrors from my car and I haven't looked back since...

So this guy that I know fell in love with his organ donor.
So sweet...
he totally had her heart.

Finally got around to watching Back to the Future...It's about time.

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

Irelephant 🐘

How much do I owe for the new roof?... don’t worry, it's on the house...😎

I met a guy who did acupuncture. What a prick

My father used to throw his camera at me .. i still have flashbacks 📸

What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don’t know and I don’t care.😎

My luggage was stolen at the airport and never found....I sued the airline but the judge dismissed my suit saying I had no case...

On my tombstone please write "Not appreciating my puns while I was still alive was a grave mistake".

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon......I'll let you know which comes first!😆

The rotation of the earth really made my day 🌍

Analgesics:
But what if the pain isn't in my arse ? 🤣

What do you call a germ with a ton of followers?
An Instagram influenza.

It's called the circle of life cause it has no point.

Are locksmiths on lockdown?
Or are they considered key worker? 🗝️

Someone has started making glass coffins.
Will they be popular?
Remains to be seen.

If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad an electrician I am 😎

What's the best place to shop for a soccer shirt?
New Jersey! 🤗

I overdosed on Viagra once.
It was the hardest day of my life!

I used to date a girl named Ruth but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.

What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? – A waist of time. ⌛

Puns about meat are rare 😜

Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison. He couldn’t finish his sentence. 😪

I've been diagnosed with a rare disease called Airport building syndrome.
They said it is terminal. 🛩

Don't go camping alone, there's evil intent...⛺

What's the opposite of isolate?

YouSoEarly.

Murder Hornets are a Russian Hoax;

It's a Cagey Bee! 🐝

Four years in the University and never dated a single lady.

I guess I really came for a Bachelor's Degree.

I once told a joke about a tv aerial but it didn’t get a very good reception 📺

Do you think Satan has Hell listed as an LLC or is he a Soul proprietor? 👹

America: Oh China thinks they’re the epicenter? Wait till we play our Trump card 🃏

He knew his bald head was egg-shaped, but he wanted to ovoid the truth. 🥚

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day. 👞👞

Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater. ⚖