Kick off your weekend with a smile on your face thanks to these Friday jokes. We've gathered a collection of amusing quips and humorous stories that will have you laughing all the way to Saturday.
Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated:
2024-12-20.
Selected friday jokes:
Why did Friday go to visit a doctor? He was week.
The only one who ever got anything done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?
I read that in a medical journal on page 64, at 2:34pm on Friday 15th of August, 2021.
Monday….Greg, Tuesday…Ian, Wednesday….Greg….. Thursday…..Ian, Friday Greg, Saturday… Ian, Sunday…..Greg…… me using the Gregorian Calendar
More friday jokes...
Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?
I read that in a medical journal on page 64, at 2:34pm on Friday 15th of August, 2021.
Boss: So, tell me about your work goals for the future.
Me: To be honest I’m just happy I’ve made it to Friday without quitting.
Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?
I read that in a medical journal on page 64, at 2:34pm on Friday 15th of August, 2021.
A Blond goes over to her friend's house wearing a TGIF tee-shirt.
Why are you wearing a Thank God It's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?
Oh crap!' the blond says.
I didn't realize it was a religious T-shirt.
I thought it meant Tits Go In Front.
The only one who ever got anything done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
Monday….Greg, Tuesday…Ian, Wednesday….Greg….. Thursday…..Ian, Friday Greg, Saturday… Ian, Sunday…..Greg…… me using the Gregorian Calendar
What do you call a Friday that is not serious about anything in life? Casual Friday.
Why did Friday go to visit a doctor? He was week.
What’s scarier than Friday the 13th? Mondays.
Do you think Friday the 13th is scary? No, but Fri 10, maybe.
What do you call people who were born on Friday the 13th? By their names.
What kind of dessert goes best with the theme of Friday the 13th? I scream.
Black Friday is a scam. You should be mad they overcharge you 364 days a year.
Nothing ruins your Friday like finding out it's only Thursday.
Wife: What are your plans for Easter?
Hubby: Same as Jesus...
Wife: What do you mean??
Hubby: I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday.
Wife: Thats awesome if you do that... I will be like Mary.
Hubby: What do you mean??
Wife: Show up pregnant without being touched by my hubby.
Hubby stayed home all Weekend.
Sam has been in business for 35 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there's a big, bearded man standing there.
"Name's Lars ...Your neighbor from four miles away....Having a birthday party Friday ... Thought you might like to come. About 5...
"Great," says Sam, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you...There's gonna be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem... after 35 years in business, I can drink with the best of em."
Again, as he starts to leave, Lars stops. "More'n'likely gonna be some heavy sex,
. I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Lars turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too."
"Now that's really not a problem," says Sam. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I bring?"
Lars stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us".
Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed .... Bill's wife was not wearing any panties! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"
John admitted that, well, yes he did.She said "You can have it, but it will cost you $200. After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2:00 p.m. on FridayFriday came and John went to her house at 2:00 p.m. After paying her $200 they went to the bedroom, had sex, and then John left.Bill came home about 6:00 P.M. He asked his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?"Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $200?"She thinks 'Oh hell, he knows!' But she says, "Yes, he did give me $200.""Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $200 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay it back.
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. "I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"