Looking for hilarious jokes about expecting moms? Look no further than our collection of pregnancy jokes. Our jokes are sure to keep you laughing through the ups and downs of pregnancy.
Check them out now!
Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated:
2024-11-20.
Selected pregnancy jokes:
What would be different if men were the ones who got pregnant?
Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay, and morning sickness would rank as the nation’s number one health problem.
Why did the run-on sentence take a pregnancy test?
Its period came too late.
Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test.
She clearly isn’t a fan of protection.
What part of biology class do pregnant women fear?
The sea section.
More pregnancy jokes...
Congratulating random women on their pregnancy is always a hit or miss scenario.
BE CAREFUL: The best things in life will either make you fat, drunk, or pregnant...
I didn't scream out someone else's name during sex...I was just thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant!
I come from a small town whose population never changed. Each time a woman got pregnant, someone left town!
I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
With any luck, right after he finishes college.
I love how people say they're "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.
- Never talk to a girl about periods, pregnancy or ‘women problems’.
- She’ll ovary-act!
- What is it called if two flowers have an unplanned pregnancy?
- An oopsie-daisy!
- What do you call a pregnancy that starts while using birth control?
- A misconception.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a tyrant?
You can negotiate with a tyrant.
Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test.
She clearly isn’t a fan of protection.
What’s common between hide and seek, and an unintentional pregnancy?
Ready or not, here I come!
5 Stages of Pregnancy:
a) Crying.
b) Peeing.
c) Crying because you peed.
d) Peeing because you’re crying.
e) The toilet is your home now.
Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
Yes, your bladder.
Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
Yes, but you’ll have an even better chance if he wears nothing at all.
Is there anything you should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
Pregnancy.
How does being pregnant make you feel?
Like a superhero. Well, a really tired, weak superhero who wants to eat all the time and isn’t allowed to lift heavy objects.
How is a pregnant woman like a toddler?
She outgrows her clothes every week!
How to win an argument:
(a) Be pregnant.
(b) That’s it, you’re done!
What’s better than eating for two while pregnant?
Shopping for two.
How do you define pregnancy?
A nine-month-long hostage situation where you are both the hostage and the building.
They’ve invented a curved pregnancy test, so you don’t pee on your hand.
Listen, if you aren’t ready to have pee on your hand, then you’re definitely not ready to be a mom.
I’m pregnant, so I asked my husband to put the Oreos where I couldn’t reach them.
He put them on the floor.
How do you say unintended pregnancy in German?
Kinder surprise.
What do a pregnant woman and a burned cake have in common?
You should’ve taken it out earlier.
What part of biology class do pregnant women fear?
The sea section.
What would be different if men were the ones who got pregnant?
Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay, and morning sickness would rank as the nation’s number one health problem.
You don’t have to study for a pregnancy test, but I’ve heard there’s a lot of cramming that goes on before the exam.
Why did the run-on sentence take a pregnancy test?
Its period came too late.
Did you know that your chances of becoming pregnant are hereditary?
The chances are that if your parents didn’t get pregnant, you won’t either.
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require chickpea.
What do you call it when you’re unable to find someone to help you through your pregnancy?
A midwife crisis.
What should a joke have in common with a pregnancy?
A good delivery.
Teacher: “Give me a sentence about a public servant.”
Student: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.”
Teacher: “Do you know what pregnant means?”
Student: “Yes, it means you’re carrying a child.”
I used to work on an assembly line making pregnancy pamphlets, but I quit.
I got tired of labor manuals.
The stork is the bird that helps deliver babies. What bird helps prevent pregnancy?
The swallow.
Woman: “Should I have a baby after 35?”
DOC: “No, 35 children is enough.”
Do I have to have a baby shower?
Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.